I Could Never Pretend

Bam had just begun to stir when Johnny reappeared in the living room. When he realised that Johnny was back he sat up suddenly.

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to fall asleep”, he groaned, running a hand through his unkempt hair. Glancing at the timer on the television box, Bam realised that he must have been asleep for several hours.

Johnny smiled slightly, taking a seat on the sofa opposite him. “You should have gone straight to bed”, he said, kicking his feet up and leaning back against the arm.

“I didn’t know what to do about Brandon or which room was spare”, Bam told him guiltily. “Thanks for putting him to bed though.”

“No problem. There’s a guest room made up next door to his. It’s yours for as long as you need it.”

“Thanks”, Bam repeated feeling a little awkward. He looked at Johnny who was rubbing his eyes. “Speaking of sleep, you look shattered.”

“I am”, Johnny admitted, trying to stifle a yawn. “But I don’t know if I can sleep right now. My head’s going round and round.”

Bam nodded sympathetically. “Same here.”

“Hey, you fancy a drink?” Johnny suggested. He wasn’t looking to get drunk; he just needed something to calm his nerves. He could not take his mind off Amelia, but he knew that he was no good to her like this.

“For sure”, Bam agreed, feeling pretty much the same. He watched Johnny get up and walk into the kitchen. The whole situation was a little surreal, he thought. He and Johnny had practically been sworn enemies only days ago. Now they were what? Living together? It was crazy.

Johnny reappeared moments later with two ice cold beers. The thought of a drink was most definitely welcoming to Bam. It felt like weeks had passed, not hours since he was drinking with Amelia in his hotel room. The memory was an uncomfortable one and he tried to shake it away.

“Brandon was upset when I put him to bed”, Johnny said to Bam as he handed him a bottle. “He misses his mom.”

Bam grimaced. “He was asking for her earlier but I didn’t know what to tell him. I’m no good at being a parent.” This had been bothering him since Amelia’s accident. As soon as he was left alone with his son, he felt useless.

“You’ll get used to it”, Johnny assured him, sitting himself back down on the other sofa. “It’ll become natural after a while.”

“Do you really think I’m capable?” Bam frowned, peeling at the label of the bottle.

“Of course you are. You just need to work at it.”

Bam took a swig of beer and nodded thoughtfully. Quite frankly he was amazed that he and Knoxville could be having such a friendly conversation. Johnny appeared to be thinking the same thing as a faint smile danced across his lips.

“Just like old times, eh?” Johnny voiced his thoughts; a hint of sadness tinged his words.

“If only”, Bam sighed. How had they ended up like this? What he wouldn’t give to rewind the past few years of his life.

“I suppose this is what happens when two friends fall in love with the same woman”, Johnny continued. Their situation sounded like a romantic love triangle, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

“And then they fuck things up”, Bam added quickly.

“I’ll drink to that”, Johnny raised his bottle cynically.

“To fucking things up”, Bam repeated, raising his own bottle before taking a large gulp.

“I know this isn’t the right situation to be patching things up”, Johnny started. “But I’ve missed you dude.”

Bam’s eyes twinkled in surprise and affection. “I’ve missed you too bro”, he laughed. “I’m not saying I like you though. After all, you did steal my wife...” Despite the implications, Bam’s tone was jovial. Perhaps it was the beer.

“Steal is such a strong word”, Johnny raised his eyebrows but he was smiling as he took a sip from his own bottle.

“Let me finish”, Bam put a hand up to stop him. “I was going to say, at least she fell for a gentleman, but now I’m not so sure.”

Johnny laughed at this. “I think the bang to your head changed you Bam. You’re like a different person.”

Bam silently agreed. His narrow escape and Amelia’s misfortune had definitely put life into perspective for him. He didn’t say this to Johnny though.

“No, seriously. I know I’ve lost her Knox. I could see it in her eyes when she left the hotel. I didn’t realise at the time, but it makes sense now. She got into that taxi because she felt guilty for kissing me. That’s crazy don’t you think? She felt guilty for going behind your back with her own husband. She loves you dude.”

“But she still loves you too”, Johnny reminded him. “And the last time I spoke to her, she was pretty fucking mad at me.”

“She’ll forgive you. You were only trying to protect her.”

“I hope so, because I don’t think I can live without her.”

***

Taking into account all that had happened recently, it was no surprise that the meeting with the studio executives regarding the possibility of a third movie had been swiftly postponed. Despite the fact that the entire cast and crew were only supposed to be in the area for a short amount of time, nobody was really in the mood to talk about filming, funding or anything like that. The lack of interest didn’t bode well for keeping in Paramount’s good books, but Jeff had been assured that the demand for a third movie meant that the studio was willing to wait until it was both practically and emotionally doable on the part of Dickhouse. They wanted their movie and by god they would have it.

In his role as director, executive producer and almighty Emperor, it had fallen on Jeff, as usual, to keep things afloat at the office. Not that this was an easy feat, even under normal circumstances. To add to the situation, he and Laura were still coming to terms with the fact that they were expecting their first child. Since hearing the news of her best friend’s accident, Laura had become even more of a hormonal mess. When Jeff wasn’t trying to maintain order at Dickhouse, he was comforting Laura and PJ.

Once the initial shock of Amelia’s accident had subsided, everyone slowly drifted back into what they had been doing before, partly because they didn’t know what else to do and partly because they knew Amelia would not want them making a fuss over her. Jeff couldn’t help but be thankful for this; it made his job so much easier. He was finding it just as difficult to deal with the situation as everyone else, but it wasn’t in his nature to let life get the better of him.

The offices were even busier than normal as of late. Dave, Ehren and Preston, who didn’t live in LA, had decided to stick around a little longer until there was any news on their friend. They spent their time making ‘get well soon’ videos for her and otherwise making nuisances of themselves along with Chris, Steve and Jason. On the other hand, Johnny, Bam, Ryan and Rose had been dividing their time between the hospital and the office. Now that Amelia’s parents had arrived and were staying in Amelia’s apartment for the foreseeable future, there was only so much time that could be spent around her bedside. The nurses tended to get a little funny when more than four people were in the room.

The task now at hand was for everyone to keep as busy as possible until the doctors took Amelia out of her induced coma. This was no easy task and Jeff often found his personal office occupied by an anxious and shaking kneed Knoxville. He wished there was something he could say to help his friend or at least make him feel better.

The fact that Johnny and Bam were now on much better terms had not gone unnoticed by anyone in the office. That they were temporarily living together had come as almost as much of a shock as Amelia’s accident. Jeff had been sceptical when Johnny had told him they’d called a truce, but once he’d seen it with his own eyes he was soon eating his words. If one good thing had come from the situation it was that they were friends again. Unfortunately there was no telling what would happen, if anything, when Amelia woke up.

“Earth to Tremaine!”

Jeff had been stealing a few moments of sleep in his office that lunchtime when he was rudely awoken by a familiar voice in the doorway. Less than impressed about being disturbed, Jeff grumbled obscenities to himself as he rolled himself off the sofa. He looked up to see Johnny standing over him.

“Oh it’s you. Hey PJ. I thought you were Ehren.”

“Charming”, Johnny laughed, but Jeff could tell from the distant look in his eyes that his friend was preoccupied. “I just came to let you know that I’m done for the day. They’re gonna wake Amelia up in a few hours.”

Jeff jumped up from his seat. “Of course”, he remembered, walking towards PJ. How could he have forgotten? “You’ll ring me as soon as you know anything?” He looked at his friend seriously.

Johnny nodded.

“Ok then man. Oh wait!” Jeff hurried to his desk and fumbled in the top drawer for something.

Johnny raised an eyebrow quizzically as Jeff handed him a small gift bag.

“It’s just a little something that Laura and I put together for Amelia”, Jeff explained. “No big deal, we just wanted to let her know we were thinking of her.”

Johnny smiled and gave Jeff a brief hug. “Cheers Jeff. I know she’ll appreciate it.”

“Don’t forget to ring me as soon as!” Jeff reminded him, before patting him on the back in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

“You’ll be the second to know”, Johnny nodded. “I’ll speak to you later.”

Jeff watched his friend retreat out of the office and he felt a lump form in his throat, accompanied by those unwelcome butterflies in his stomach. If Jeff was feeling this anxious, he couldn’t imagine how Johnny must be feeling.

***

Johnny was in a daze as he made his way to the car. His mind was full of all the things he wanted to say to Amelia when she woke up; if she woke up. He needed to tell her how sorry he was; that he’d never meant to hurt her. He needed to make sure she knew exactly how much he loved her and how he would never let anything happen to her. All in all, he needed to make up for what he had done wrong and hope to god that she could find it in her heart to forgive him.

How he made it to the hospital in one piece was nothing short of a miracle. He couldn’t even remember putting the car into gear. A few photographers who had somehow found out what had happened were camped out in front of the hospital doors, but Johnny managed to take them by surprise. By the time they had turned their cameras on he was halfway into the building.

When he arrived on Amelia’s ward he was greeted by Ryan who appeared to be on coffee duty. He was precariously attempting to balance four cups of coffee in his hands; a disaster waiting to happen if ever there was one.

“Need a hand?” Johnny asked, reaching to take two of the cups from Ryan.

“Cheers dude”, Ryan replied, relief in his voice. The two men made their way to the waiting room at the other end of the ward.

“So how are you holding up?” Ryan asked, pausing at the waiting room door.

“I don’t know”, Johnny admitted. “I guess I just want to get today out of the way you know.”

Ryan nodded and pushed the door open with his shoulder. Johnny followed him into the room and was met by the sight of Amelia’s parents, Bam, Ape and Phil. Amelia was going to have one hell of a welcoming party.

“Hi Johnny”, Lisa acknowledged tearfully as Johnny passed Steve and Lisa their coffees.

He put a sympathetic hand on Lisa’s arm. Amelia’s parents still didn’t know the full situation between their daughter and Johnny. As far as they were concerned, the two of them had just had an argument, nothing serious. Johnny could only imagine Lisa’s wrath if she knew how he had betrayed Amelia.

Bam was sitting in the corner of the room beside Phil. He had been keeping a relatively low profile since the accident. This hadn’t stopped Lisa giving him a piece of her mind, however. Given the fact that she’d not seen him since Amelia and Bam’s wedding, she had plenty to say to him. Bam had filled Johnny in one evening over a takeaway and a few bottles of beer.

“Brandon and Rose are in Amelia’s room”, Ryan told Johnny as he took a seat next to Lisa on the sofa.

“Ok.” Johnny glanced at his watch. “I’ll just go and see her before...” he trailed off and turned back towards the door.

Rose was just leaving when Johnny arrived outside Amelia’s room. She was holding Brandon’s hand. Since the night after Amelia’s accident when Johnny put him to bed, Brandon was beginning to get used to the idea that Amelia was going to be asleep for a while. He was being thoroughly doted on by both sets of grandparents and he and Bam were continuing to bond.

“Hi Johnny”, Rose smiled gently. She let go of Brandon’s hand and embraced Johnny tightly.

Johnny hugged her back, slightly surprised by the surge of emotion from Amelia’s little sister. She was usually somewhat reserved, but he figured today was an emotional day for everyone. Johnny was just thankful that she had no antagonistic feelings towards him. He’d been touched to hear that she had actually tried to persuade Amelia to talk to him on the day of the accident.

“She’s going to be ok, isn’t she?” Rose looked at Johnny for confirmation as she let her arms drop to her side.

“Yes”, Johnny managed to croak, wishing he could believe it.