Goodbye Blue Sky

A Light in the Dark

I felt a very slight breeze as I woke. I felt warm inside, something unusual. I was almost always cold; not just physically, but in my heart and soul. The feeling of loss that usually strangled and killed my soul was gone. Instead, the unusual warmth had replaced what once was cold.

I took a deep breath and held it for a second to make sure I was still alive. The last thing I remembered was sitting on the hardwood floor and numbly staring at the screen of my laptop. I remembered collapsing at my computer, once sitting on the solid floor and then hitting it roughly. I had gone from seeing glaring, pure white to comforting, sickening darkness, and it overtook me.

What had happened to me?

I opened my eyes quickly, paused for a second, and breathed out silently, feeling the air escape me. I took several slow, filling breaths, and each time I felt more ounces of my strength return. I saw an open window in front of me, leading outside to a dark world. The sky was a deep shade of indigo blue, contrasting with the black silhouette of the world in front of it. Dusk had fallen. It was beautiful.

I was lying on one side, on my bed, a soft contrast to the floor. I felt unable to move at first, as though I had woken up from a bad dream suddenly. I was shaking, as I often did when I woke up too quickly. But I didn’t care.

I was alive. I was alive because someone had helped me.

“...Gerard?” said a slow voice. I wanted to turn and see who it belonged to, but I couldn’t. The fear was still there, even if the feeling of having an iced-over heart was gone.

“...Who...Who’s there?” I asked. I didn’t recognize my own voice. Recently I had started sounding strained, almost dead. But now my voice was smooth, as if the darkness had never been there.

“It’s me, Gerard.” I recognized it.


“Yes.” Slowly, very slowly, I began to sit up, hearing and feeling my joints crack. I clearly hadn’t moved for some time. I felt as though every ounce of darkness was gone from me, as if I was a new person. It felt fantastic.

“Where...where am I?”

“You’re home, G. You’re finally home.” Mikey smiled and sat on the edge of my bed.

“What happened?”

“You blacked out. I brought you up here when I got home and found you unconscious on the living room floor. I can’t believe you left so early after the concert.” I couldn’t speak. I didn’t remember any concert. The last thing I remembered were the words I had typed. Goodbye blue sky. I have disappeared.

“What concert?” Mikey blinked several times.

“The one last night. It was the greatest performance I’ve ever seen you give. You were so in tune with everything...It was incredible. But you said you had a headache and tried to leave. I asked why you weren’t going to stay and meet the people who had backstage passes, and you completely lost it. You said it was because I didn’t...believe in you or something.” He paused for a second, thinking about what to say.

“ that what you really think of me? That I don’t believe in you?”

I was shocked. The way he was telling this, it sounded like I had imagined everything. But I knew I hadn’t. I knew it. Everything that had happened to me was real...wasn’t it?

I shook my head.

“No, Mikey. Something’s been wrong with me. I’ve been...sick, almost. But I’m okay now.” He smiled, and for what seemed to me like the first time in months, I smiled back. I was happy, really, truly happy.

The Patient had held control over me for too long. I had even started trying to look like him. But I was done.

I stood up and immediately began to head toward the front door, grabbing my car keys from the counter. Mikey stopped me.

“G, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go dye my hair black, what’s it look like I’m doing?”