Dirty Little Secrets

“John, I don't think…” I said like I didn’t want it to stop anyways. He didn’t either, because he slammed me down on the bed and crawled on top of me. “My parents could be home any minute.”

“Then we’ll have to make it fast,” he smiled and kissed me heatedly. I’ve never known this side of him before but I liked it. I just wish I didn’t have to feel so wrong about it.

“I love you,” I said stupidly and awkwardly.

“I love you too.”

****

I brushed my blonde hair quickly even though I always went to school looking like I just rolled out of bed. I complemented my hair with a ratty, old plaid shirt and equally as destroyed jeans and comfy flip flops. My best friend John was waiting for me outside my house in his old white truck with the rest of the clan, Eric and Jared, sitting in the bed.

John was basically the only friend that I’ve stayed friends with since kindergarten. And I was the only girl friend he has, besides his actual girlfriend, Kim. I honestly didn’t know how he had a girlfriend, because although he’s pretty in the face, he’s extremely bad at talking to girls. And Eric and Jared became friends with the two of us sometime during elementary school and lamely started calling ourselves “the clan.”

I opened the heavy door and threw in my worn dark blue backpack before climbing in myself. “Hey Danny,” John said. He seemed down today.

“Turn that frown upside down!” I said pseudo-happily and he obeyed for half a second, then returned to the way he was as he drove off. “Are you sure you don’t mind driving me around?”

“It’s perfectly fine. Your car will be out of the shop by Friday anyways.”

“John, what’s wrong? You’re depressing the hell out of me.”

“Nothing. I didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

I didn’t believe him, but obviously he didn’t want to tell me so I left it at that.

We arrived at school and before I could step out of the car, Jared threw me over his shoulder and started carrying me to the outdoor lunch table we met Kennedy at every morning. “Wait! My backpack!”

“I got it,” John yelled solemnly and slung it over his shoulder.

Kennedy. I had the hugest crush on him. We were always flirting with each other and sat next to each other in the five classes we had together.

I was put on the table where he was already sitting and the way we were just looking at each other made the other three scram.

“Hey,” he said finally.

“Hey,” I said, laughing.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to class.”

I gladly accepted and we walked slowly over to the drama department. I was a theater geek.

“So what are you doing Friday?” He asked me, smiling all the while.

“I don’t know. I was thinking of picking up my car from the shop. I don’t plan that far into the future.”

“Damn, because if you did, I’d suggest we go see a movie or something.”

“With you?” I teased. “I don’t know….”

He smiled and bit his lip then grabbed my hand softly. Such a beautiful man.

“I guess. If I have nothing better to do.” I smiled back and he kissed my cheek as he squeezed my hand.

“See you in Spanish.” He winked and walked away suavely…Mmm mmm mmm… dat ass.

--John--

I was already in the tech class and Kenny walked in, smiling. “You asked her already?”

“Yeah, I was going to wait until the end of the day but I just couldn’t wait. Why don’t you and Kim join us. That way it won’t be that awkward.”

“I don’t know…” I was trying to back out of it because I didn’t want to see them together. I was in love with Danny…

“Come on, John. What’s the point of having a girlfriend if you never show her off to anyone?”

“She’s on the drill team… She’s not supposed to show PDA.” Frankly, that was the reason I wanted to date someone on the drill team. I didn’t really know how to act around her, regardless if she’s been my girlfriend for a whole two months.

“Pish posh. Ask her or I’ll ask her myself.”

“Okay, okay,” I surrendered. “We’ll come.”

The truth is, I’ve loved Danny ever since kindergarten. I just didn’t know what I was feeling until I reached high school. I was going to wait until prom to ask her out, but when Ken started talking about how much he liked her, I knew I didn’t stand a chance against him so I asked out the next best thing. I didn’t know a thing about Kim when I first asked her out, not even her last name. Well, I still don’t. I know she drives a white Nissan.

But Danny… She was the one and only for me.

Later that day in anatomy, the class I had with Ken, Danny and Kim, it was extremely uncomfortable. Danny and Ken kept giving each other googly eyes while I got the stink eye from Kim for watching them. She didn’t really like me hanging out with Danny.

“John, can I talk to you,” Kim said in her paranoid voice. Oh that’s another thing I knew: she didn’t hide her feelings in her voice that well. I pulled her over to the back lab table and held her hand (I guess that’s what guys are supposed to do?) but she drew it back. “I don’t think this is working out so well. Don’t get me wrong, you’re nice and beautiful, but I’m just not feeling it. There’s someone else out there for both of us.” She kissed my cheek softly and retreated back to her desk as I just sat there. I didn’t know what to do. Do I cry? Do I walk out? Do I go over there and talk to her?

After class, I was walking out when out of nowhere, Danny grabbed my hand and lead me outside to my truck, not saying a word until we were inside.

“She just broke up with you right there? In the middle of class?” She asked. All I could do was nod. Since I didn’t have Kim to distract me anymore, it was harder to keep distant from her. “Is that why you were so down this morning?” I lied and nodded. She scooted over and wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest as I sat there, unmoving. “I’m sorry, Boo Boo.”

“I think we should get back to class.”

She pulled back and looked at me like I was insane. “Fuck that. Let’s go get some lunch.”

“Kenny won’t mind?”

She waved it off. “He doesn’t own me.”

We arrived at Subway and saw the rent-a-cop from our school stalking around. He knew us by face so when he saw us, we ran for it and he started chasing after us but didn’t get very far considering he was twice both our weights put together. We stopped around the corner of a nearby grocery store and Danny was almost dying from laughing. She had this contagious laugh so I couldn’t help but to join her.

“Oh God that was fun.” We walked across the street to a McDonald’s since the cop (Mr. Moneybags as we called him) was still over by Subway. “You want to go to the mall after this? I need to get a feel for what prom dress I want.”

“Oh, you’re going to prom?”

“Yeah, I mean I’m a senior. It’d be dumb to not go.”

“I’m guessing you’re going with Kenny?”

“I suppose so… It’s not like we’re official or anything. If he wants me to go with him, he better ask.”

“But you’re not sold on going with him?”

“Why, did you have someone better in mind?”

“No, I was just wondering.”

“Okay, so who are you going with, hot stuff?” She asked as she took a bite out of her chicken sandwich.

I shrugged. “Haven’t decided yet. It is still January, you know.”

“But that’s when you need to reserve your woman before she gets taken!”

She couldn’t have been more right. Maybe I should tell her how I feel before she gets too involved with Kennedy.

“Danny, I…” I trailed off as she looked at me, waiting for me to say something. “I think Moneybags is gone and we can go get in the truck.”

She balled up her wrapper and threw away our trash then we started walking over to my car.

Once at the mall, I was walking kind of distant from her but she came closer to me and looped our arms together. Even though she acted this way with me all the time, I still couldn’t get control of my own heartbeat. Sometimes I wondered if she could hear it jumping out of my chest.

She pulled me into this store and started looking through the dresses like crazy. “What do you think about this one?” She asked me, holding an emerald green dress against her.

“The green doesn’t really go well with your hair.”

She looked at me funny. “I didn’t know I had a gay best friend.”

“I’m not,” I laughed with her. “I’m just telling you from a guy’s point of view.”

“Oh okay. Well from a guy’s point of view, what color would go with my hair?”

I looked around the store quickly and pointed to one against the back wall. It was some kind of pink. “Or a red would do fine.”

She picked up a red one with some sparkly things on it. “This one?”

“Try it on.”

I sat at this giant, round ottoman right outside the dressing rooms and she came out looking like a fucking bombshell. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but I’ve never seen anyone look so gorgeous.

“What do you think?”

I couldn’t speak. “I, uh, it’s nice. Ken would love it.”

“You think so?”

“Any guy would be crazy to say you don’t look beautiful in that dress.”

She blushed and shuffled her feet. “So are you crazy?”

“Totally sane.”

She bit her lip and blushed a darker shade of red then cleared her throat. “Thanks.”

I love you…

After she changed back into her normal clothes, she brought the dress to the counter and had them put it on layaway. “You’re not going to try on any more dresses?” I asked.

“Nope. I got a good feeling from this one.”

By the time we were done perusing around the mall, it was well past three o’clock and school was done for the day.

“Thanks for today. I needed it,” I said to her as we sat in front of her house.

“No problem. We’re going to the zoo next time,” she joked and hopped out.

I was so close to having her but so far away.

--Danny--

I shut my front door behind me and leaned against it, biting my lip and fighting the burning in my cheeks. I’ve never felt this way before. John had never said that I was beautiful before and I could tell he meant it. Did he have feelings for me? Was this whole Kennedy thing a mistake?