Status: Be right back...
Dirty Little Secrets
Ripping at the Seams
--Danny--
I looked at John kneeled before me and I stopped breathing. “Will you marry me?” He asked. Tears started to fall out of my eyes. I wanted nothing more.
I heard my mom gasp along with John’s, Eric’s and Jared’s. I looked over at them and they all stopped dead in their tracks and ceased to breath, like me. I don’t know how to interpret their reactions. I looked back at John, still kneeling, and his face started turning red and his hair started sticking to his forehead. Not sure if it was from the weather or his nervousness.
“Of course I will,” I said quietly so he could hear me, then he stood up and picked me up in his hug. “I love you so much.” Tears continued to fall down my cheeks as I was spun around on the sidewalk and even when he was slipping the ring onto my finger.
“You did it?” Eric asked as he walked out of the building. “AND WITHOUT ME AROUND?!”
“Sorry, Eric,” John said then kissed my cheek. “I couldn’t keep it in any longer.”
“Congratulations!” My mom said as she walked over to us. She gave me the death stare. “Danielle, can I speak to you a moment?” I complied by walking a few feet away from everyone else. “What the hell is going on? You’re engaged now? You’re seventeen years old! You’re nowhere near ready to get married! Give this ring back to him and tell him that you can’t.”
“No, Mom.”
“What?”
“I know you’ve been really understanding and encouraging about New York and that was hard for you, but I’m asking you to be okay with this too. You can’t tell me there’s somebody better than John out there for me.”
“I know there is no one better,” she began. “But you can’t get married right now. I won’t allow it. How would this even work? You’re going to be across the continental US from him!”
“I don’t have to get married right now. Can’t I just be engaged?”
“Of course you can be engaged but being engaged symbolizes you’re ready to get married. Not just a wait and see how you feel. And you’re not ready.”
“I’m keeping the ring, Mom. I’m not getting married right now, but I am staying engaged. I can’t wait to be John’s wife.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said and began digging through her purse for the camera. She motioned for me to stand next to Eric, Jared and John. I made sure to hold my diploma with my left hand so the ring would show up in the pictures. Next I took a picture with just John and he was holding me closely with his arm around my waist. My fiancé.
“John, how is this going to work?” I asked as I climbed into his bed. He’d asked my mom if it was okay for me to spend the night at his house and for some reason she agreed. “How can we be married and live so far apart?”
“We won’t get married until we get out of college. I just don’t want you to be with anyone else.”
“I don’t need a ring to not be with anyone else.”
“You don’t want to be engaged?”
“No, I do, but… We’re seventeen. Are we sure we want to be engaged?”
“Danny, there’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with. Do you not want to be with me?”
“John I love you,” I said then kissed him meaningfully. “Of course I want to be with you. I just feel like this is really sudden. That’s all.”
“Sudden?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“No one’s supposed to expect it. That’s what makes it special.”
He kissed me and sucked on my bottom lip while his hand went inside my shirt. “Hey, we promised my mom no hanky-panky,” I said.
“Well what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
In my dream that night, I was dreaming I was running from a giant net. Inevitably I was caught but the net was no longer gigantic, but a very small claustrophobic space. I had the need to get out as soon as possible but I didn't do anything about it. I stayed in the uncomfortable net to keep my capturer satisfied. When I looked up to what had caught me, it was to my dismay that it was John.
“Are you okay?” John asked me when I had woken up at 4:30.
“I’m fine. I just had a crazy dream.”
“Oh, well come back to sleep.” He grabbed me in his arms and situated his head in the nook of my neck. I sat there wide awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t want to think of John in this possessive way.
“Congratulations, you guys!” Jared said as we sat across the table from him and Eric at Sonic. “Honestly if one high school couple from our school were to make it, it’d be you guys.”
“Thanks, Jared,” I said and laughed shyly. John one-arm hugged me and kissed the side of my head.
“First you ditch us at Disneyland to go have sex, then you propose to her without me outside yet!” Eric said overdramatically then laid his head on the table.
“It’s okay, Eric. You’re going to be the best man.” His head shot up and his eyes grew wide.
“Really?!”
“I’ll let you be best man because you didn’t get to see the proposal,” Jared said heroicly. “You deserve it.”
“This is the best day of my life!” He began jumping around the small covered patio and almost knocked over the car hop girl on rollerblades.
“Hey, is that your sister?” Jared nodded once in the direction of a parked car in the Sonic spot. I looked in the direction and sure enough, Megan was in there with Garrett. They were sitting there not looking at each other, then suddenly he climbed in the passenger seat and began kissing her.
“Don’t they know people can see them?” I said, disgusted. “She’s going to get pregnant before I do, I can tell you that right now.”
“Has she and Garrett…” Jared started.
“I’m pretty sure. She hasn’t talked to me in a while. Maybe because she feels guilty or something.” I looked back over at the car and Garrett was back in the driver’s seat and they still didn’t make eye contact and their mouths weren’t moving.
“How old is she? 16?”
“She will be in November. Isn’t Garrett 16?”
“Yeah his birthday was back in February,” John confirmed. “Isn’t that kind of gross? She’s still 15…”
“It’s not kind of gross. It’s all the way gross,” I said. If she didn’t talk to Mom about what she was doing, at least she could come and talk to me. When I got home, my mom’s car was gone and Megan had locked herself in her room. “Megan, can you open the door please?”
A few moments later, she opened the door and unenthusiastically crawled back under her covers. She still hadn’t said anything to me.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Her eyes shot wide open and looked at me.
“How do you know?”
“You haven’t talked to me in a while. Something had to be up.”
She sat up in her bed and covered herself in her blanket. “Is mom here?” I shook my head and she looked around the room, stalling. “Garrett and I…had sex…about a month ago.”
“Were you safe? Did you use precautions?”
“Yeah, Gare used a condom… He wants to marry me.”
“Could have fooled me the way you two were sitting in the car earlier in silence.”
“He wants to marry me because I’m pregnant.”
I thought she was joking for half a second then I snapped my head up and all I could do was look at her. “Pregnant? How can you be pregnant?”
“I was supposed to get my period two weeks ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell Mom? Or at least me?”
“Have you had to tell your parents you’re pregnant before?” I just shook my head. “It’s the scariest thing in the world.”
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor? At least to be 100% positive?”
She shook her head. “Garrett already took me this morning. That’s why we weren’t talking in the car.”
“Oh my God, you have to tell Mom. I’ll be there with you if you want me to.”
She stood up and gave me a hug. “I love you, Danny. Thank you.”
Later on that night when we were all finished with dinner, Megan helped my mom clean up. “What’s up with you, kid? You never help me out.”
“Mom, I have to talk to you.”
I stayed back and she kept looking at me while Mom was sitting at the kitchen table. Both of them looked like they were about to throw up. My mom looked terrible because she was thinking of the worst, which was probably Megan becoming pregnant.
“What is it Megan?”
“Mom…I’m pregnant.” She was quiet then stood up and walked back into her room. Megan just stared at me then started to cry. “Oh my God she’s going to kill herself now.” Megan then ran back to her room and slammed her door shut and I as I was walking back to her room, I almost ran into my dad.
“What was that about?”
“I’m not the one you should hear it from,” I said then laid comfortingly next to Megan once I was in her room.
I woke up from a nap at midnight and I heard someone moving around in the kitchen. Hoping for it to be my mom, I went in there and my hope was fulfilled. She was sitting with her back to me at the table with a glass of wine in front of her. I sat next to her and put my hand on top of hers.
“Have I done something wrong?” She finally spoke.
“No, you’re great. Megan’s going to be fine, Mom. But she’s scared right now. She needs to talk to you.”
“My first daughter just got engaged, right out of high school…my second daughter is pregnant, at 15…what’s next? Ethan’s going to get into hard drugs? A gang member? I feel like the shittiest mother in the world.”
“You’re a fantastic mother,” I reassured her. I became quiet. “I can stay here if you want me to. I don’t have to go to New York.”
She whipped her head up and bore her eyes into mine. “I’m not asking you to give up your dream, Honey. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle this.”
“Like you handle everything else. With your head held high. This isn’t the worst thing that could happen. She’s bringing a whole new life into this world that you will love unconditionally.”
She teared up. “Thank you, Danielle.” She wiped her eyes and took a sip of wine. “And all this time it was you I was worried about giving me a grandchild at 40.”
I stood up and kissed the top of her head. “Just talk to her.”
****
I got my room assignment at orientation, bought my books and met my roommate. I walked into the large dorm and noticed it wasn’t a typical small dormitory, but a higher-end spacious one. “Hey, I’m Darcy,” the bleach blonde girl with retro glasses and arm tattoos said.
“Danielle. But everyone calls me Danny.”
“Are you an art major?”
“No I’m here for acting. You’re an art major?”
“How did you guess?” She smiled at me and nodded once in the direction of her bookshelf that was filled with paint, blank canvases and different cameras. “Are you from New York?”
“Arizona.”
“Well, you’ll love New York. I’ve lived here since I was 10.” She was silent for a moment. “Do you drink or smoke?”
“I drink occasionally.”
“We’ll get along just fine!”
I flew back home later that day and John was there to pick me up at the airport.
“I can’t believe you’re already almost gone. Maybe I should have gotten you pregnant so you’d have to stay.”
“That’s not funny!” I said with a smile on my face anyways. “She’s almost four months along.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t get you pregnant until you ask me to.”
“Thanks, John. That assures me.”
He smiled cheekily and kissed me passionately. “Let’s go home.”
I looked at John kneeled before me and I stopped breathing. “Will you marry me?” He asked. Tears started to fall out of my eyes. I wanted nothing more.
I heard my mom gasp along with John’s, Eric’s and Jared’s. I looked over at them and they all stopped dead in their tracks and ceased to breath, like me. I don’t know how to interpret their reactions. I looked back at John, still kneeling, and his face started turning red and his hair started sticking to his forehead. Not sure if it was from the weather or his nervousness.
“Of course I will,” I said quietly so he could hear me, then he stood up and picked me up in his hug. “I love you so much.” Tears continued to fall down my cheeks as I was spun around on the sidewalk and even when he was slipping the ring onto my finger.
“You did it?” Eric asked as he walked out of the building. “AND WITHOUT ME AROUND?!”
“Sorry, Eric,” John said then kissed my cheek. “I couldn’t keep it in any longer.”
“Congratulations!” My mom said as she walked over to us. She gave me the death stare. “Danielle, can I speak to you a moment?” I complied by walking a few feet away from everyone else. “What the hell is going on? You’re engaged now? You’re seventeen years old! You’re nowhere near ready to get married! Give this ring back to him and tell him that you can’t.”
“No, Mom.”
“What?”
“I know you’ve been really understanding and encouraging about New York and that was hard for you, but I’m asking you to be okay with this too. You can’t tell me there’s somebody better than John out there for me.”
“I know there is no one better,” she began. “But you can’t get married right now. I won’t allow it. How would this even work? You’re going to be across the continental US from him!”
“I don’t have to get married right now. Can’t I just be engaged?”
“Of course you can be engaged but being engaged symbolizes you’re ready to get married. Not just a wait and see how you feel. And you’re not ready.”
“I’m keeping the ring, Mom. I’m not getting married right now, but I am staying engaged. I can’t wait to be John’s wife.”
“We’ll talk about this later,” she said and began digging through her purse for the camera. She motioned for me to stand next to Eric, Jared and John. I made sure to hold my diploma with my left hand so the ring would show up in the pictures. Next I took a picture with just John and he was holding me closely with his arm around my waist. My fiancé.
“John, how is this going to work?” I asked as I climbed into his bed. He’d asked my mom if it was okay for me to spend the night at his house and for some reason she agreed. “How can we be married and live so far apart?”
“We won’t get married until we get out of college. I just don’t want you to be with anyone else.”
“I don’t need a ring to not be with anyone else.”
“You don’t want to be engaged?”
“No, I do, but… We’re seventeen. Are we sure we want to be engaged?”
“Danny, there’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with. Do you not want to be with me?”
“John I love you,” I said then kissed him meaningfully. “Of course I want to be with you. I just feel like this is really sudden. That’s all.”
“Sudden?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“No one’s supposed to expect it. That’s what makes it special.”
He kissed me and sucked on my bottom lip while his hand went inside my shirt. “Hey, we promised my mom no hanky-panky,” I said.
“Well what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
In my dream that night, I was dreaming I was running from a giant net. Inevitably I was caught but the net was no longer gigantic, but a very small claustrophobic space. I had the need to get out as soon as possible but I didn't do anything about it. I stayed in the uncomfortable net to keep my capturer satisfied. When I looked up to what had caught me, it was to my dismay that it was John.
“Are you okay?” John asked me when I had woken up at 4:30.
“I’m fine. I just had a crazy dream.”
“Oh, well come back to sleep.” He grabbed me in his arms and situated his head in the nook of my neck. I sat there wide awake. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t want to think of John in this possessive way.
“Congratulations, you guys!” Jared said as we sat across the table from him and Eric at Sonic. “Honestly if one high school couple from our school were to make it, it’d be you guys.”
“Thanks, Jared,” I said and laughed shyly. John one-arm hugged me and kissed the side of my head.
“First you ditch us at Disneyland to go have sex, then you propose to her without me outside yet!” Eric said overdramatically then laid his head on the table.
“It’s okay, Eric. You’re going to be the best man.” His head shot up and his eyes grew wide.
“Really?!”
“I’ll let you be best man because you didn’t get to see the proposal,” Jared said heroicly. “You deserve it.”
“This is the best day of my life!” He began jumping around the small covered patio and almost knocked over the car hop girl on rollerblades.
“Hey, is that your sister?” Jared nodded once in the direction of a parked car in the Sonic spot. I looked in the direction and sure enough, Megan was in there with Garrett. They were sitting there not looking at each other, then suddenly he climbed in the passenger seat and began kissing her.
“Don’t they know people can see them?” I said, disgusted. “She’s going to get pregnant before I do, I can tell you that right now.”
“Has she and Garrett…” Jared started.
“I’m pretty sure. She hasn’t talked to me in a while. Maybe because she feels guilty or something.” I looked back over at the car and Garrett was back in the driver’s seat and they still didn’t make eye contact and their mouths weren’t moving.
“How old is she? 16?”
“She will be in November. Isn’t Garrett 16?”
“Yeah his birthday was back in February,” John confirmed. “Isn’t that kind of gross? She’s still 15…”
“It’s not kind of gross. It’s all the way gross,” I said. If she didn’t talk to Mom about what she was doing, at least she could come and talk to me. When I got home, my mom’s car was gone and Megan had locked herself in her room. “Megan, can you open the door please?”
A few moments later, she opened the door and unenthusiastically crawled back under her covers. She still hadn’t said anything to me.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Her eyes shot wide open and looked at me.
“How do you know?”
“You haven’t talked to me in a while. Something had to be up.”
She sat up in her bed and covered herself in her blanket. “Is mom here?” I shook my head and she looked around the room, stalling. “Garrett and I…had sex…about a month ago.”
“Were you safe? Did you use precautions?”
“Yeah, Gare used a condom… He wants to marry me.”
“Could have fooled me the way you two were sitting in the car earlier in silence.”
“He wants to marry me because I’m pregnant.”
I thought she was joking for half a second then I snapped my head up and all I could do was look at her. “Pregnant? How can you be pregnant?”
“I was supposed to get my period two weeks ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell Mom? Or at least me?”
“Have you had to tell your parents you’re pregnant before?” I just shook my head. “It’s the scariest thing in the world.”
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor? At least to be 100% positive?”
She shook her head. “Garrett already took me this morning. That’s why we weren’t talking in the car.”
“Oh my God, you have to tell Mom. I’ll be there with you if you want me to.”
She stood up and gave me a hug. “I love you, Danny. Thank you.”
Later on that night when we were all finished with dinner, Megan helped my mom clean up. “What’s up with you, kid? You never help me out.”
“Mom, I have to talk to you.”
I stayed back and she kept looking at me while Mom was sitting at the kitchen table. Both of them looked like they were about to throw up. My mom looked terrible because she was thinking of the worst, which was probably Megan becoming pregnant.
“What is it Megan?”
“Mom…I’m pregnant.” She was quiet then stood up and walked back into her room. Megan just stared at me then started to cry. “Oh my God she’s going to kill herself now.” Megan then ran back to her room and slammed her door shut and I as I was walking back to her room, I almost ran into my dad.
“What was that about?”
“I’m not the one you should hear it from,” I said then laid comfortingly next to Megan once I was in her room.
I woke up from a nap at midnight and I heard someone moving around in the kitchen. Hoping for it to be my mom, I went in there and my hope was fulfilled. She was sitting with her back to me at the table with a glass of wine in front of her. I sat next to her and put my hand on top of hers.
“Have I done something wrong?” She finally spoke.
“No, you’re great. Megan’s going to be fine, Mom. But she’s scared right now. She needs to talk to you.”
“My first daughter just got engaged, right out of high school…my second daughter is pregnant, at 15…what’s next? Ethan’s going to get into hard drugs? A gang member? I feel like the shittiest mother in the world.”
“You’re a fantastic mother,” I reassured her. I became quiet. “I can stay here if you want me to. I don’t have to go to New York.”
She whipped her head up and bore her eyes into mine. “I’m not asking you to give up your dream, Honey. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle this.”
“Like you handle everything else. With your head held high. This isn’t the worst thing that could happen. She’s bringing a whole new life into this world that you will love unconditionally.”
She teared up. “Thank you, Danielle.” She wiped her eyes and took a sip of wine. “And all this time it was you I was worried about giving me a grandchild at 40.”
I stood up and kissed the top of her head. “Just talk to her.”
****
I got my room assignment at orientation, bought my books and met my roommate. I walked into the large dorm and noticed it wasn’t a typical small dormitory, but a higher-end spacious one. “Hey, I’m Darcy,” the bleach blonde girl with retro glasses and arm tattoos said.
“Danielle. But everyone calls me Danny.”
“Are you an art major?”
“No I’m here for acting. You’re an art major?”
“How did you guess?” She smiled at me and nodded once in the direction of her bookshelf that was filled with paint, blank canvases and different cameras. “Are you from New York?”
“Arizona.”
“Well, you’ll love New York. I’ve lived here since I was 10.” She was silent for a moment. “Do you drink or smoke?”
“I drink occasionally.”
“We’ll get along just fine!”
I flew back home later that day and John was there to pick me up at the airport.
“I can’t believe you’re already almost gone. Maybe I should have gotten you pregnant so you’d have to stay.”
“That’s not funny!” I said with a smile on my face anyways. “She’s almost four months along.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t get you pregnant until you ask me to.”
“Thanks, John. That assures me.”
He smiled cheekily and kissed me passionately. “Let’s go home.”