Dirty Little Secrets

--Danny--

“Danielle, if you don’t pull your act together now, I will have no choice but to revoke your full ride. You don’t want that to happen now, do you?”

“No sir I do not. I guess I got caught up in the college party atmosphere. The next thing I knew it’s getting close to the end of the semester.”

The dean didn’t look happy with me as I sat across from him. “Did you know over fifty percent of college freshmen flunk out after one semester? When I was reviewing your application and decided you deserved this financial blessing, I saw something in you that I knew this school needed. Drive. You don’t want me to second guess myself about you, right? Then prove to me that you have what it takes to make something of yourself and show me that you deserve this scholarship.”

“I won’t let you down,” I said as I smiled feebly at him and walked out of his office. Everything started to become so real. This wasn’t high school anymore. The professors couldn’t care less if you decided to show up to class. The only person I was hurting was myself. As much as I loved Darcy, she was one of my closest friends now, she was leading me down a path of destruction and I couldn’t follow her anymore. I couldn’t handle the path like she could.

After speaking to the housing director, I walked out of her office knowing that next semester, if I passed my courses, I could move out of the dorm and on my own.

Over the next couple of weeks, after I explained to John that I really needed to focus on other things besides getting in my two hours of phone time with him a day, I did the best I could with all of my midterms. The day after my last exam, the dean called me back into his office.

“Well, Ms. Nunn, you needed at least a 3.0 in all of your courses by the end.” I sunk down in my seat. I just blew everything. “And miraculously, you managed that. Congratulations, you proved me right.” He smiled at me and shook my hand as I broke into a mental sweat. I fucking pulled that shit off.

By the end of the day, I had packed up all of my things and headed back to sweet AZ. I landed in an arid 77 degrees, regardless if it was December 20th. John, Pat, and Garrett were there to greet me in the terminal. I didn’t even get my hopes up that my family would show up. I was attacked by Pat and Garrett with their hugs and John stood back innocently as he waited patiently for them to finish, then he squeezed all the air out of my lungs and kissed me passionately. My fiancé… <3

The four of us walked into my quiet house and of course no one was there to greet us. I’d spoken to my mom and only my mom less than five times the entire time I was gone. Megan then walked out of the kitchen with her giant eight-month pregnant belly eating peanut butter dipped pickles. She saw Garrett first then stuck her tongue out at him playfully, then she noticed me.

“Danny!” She shrieked and put the pickle on the table. She waddled over to me and choked me in her hug, pushing me out of the way with her stomach. “I missed you so much! What are you doing here?”

“What, do I not belong to this family anymore?”

“No, you do, it’s just that… We haven’t seen you in forever and you kind of gave us the idea you didn’t want to be associated with us anymore.”

“What? That’s insane.”

“So you’re not ashamed of having a sixteen and pregnant sister?”

“Why would I be ashamed? That doesn’t make you any less of my sister. I still love you. The question is if you guys still love me. I feel like the forgotten child now.”

“Is that Garrett?” I heard my mom yell from the hallway.

“Is she trying to say I sound like a woman?” Garrett questioned quietly to Pat and I laughed.

Before Megan answered, she walked into the room and saw me standing there. “Danielle, what are you doing here?”

I threw my arms up in the air because it felt like I wasn’t even welcome in my own home anymore.

“Sorry I forgot to check in and make reservations with you guys.” John could tell I was getting agitated so he put his arm around my waist and brought me closer to him. I didn’t want to stand here and talk to anyone anymore. They all felt like distant relatives. I held John’s hand and dragged him back to my room when Megan started yelling.

“Danny, no! That’s the – ” I opened the door and to my dismay, all of my things had been taken out and replaced with blue everything. “Nursery…” She finished. I felt like crying. John rubbed my shoulder and whispered in my ear.

“My parents would love to have you stay at our house.”

As it turns out, I had no other option.

“So I’m guessing it’s a boy,” I said bitterly as I walked past my mom and out of the house. Garrett stayed inside as Pat walked out with us.

“That was uncomfortable,” Pat said as he slid in John’s truck next to me, me being in the middle, crying into John’s shoulder softly. “How the hell can anyone treat their kids like that? Like you’re not wanted anymore.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” John said as I cuddled up next to him on his bed after we dropped off Pat at his house. I was still sobbing a decent amount.

“What happened between us? One minute everything’s fine then I get engaged and Megan’s pregnant and it’s like I’m not even important anymore.”

“Is it because I proposed to you?” He asked.

I looked up at him and placed my hand on his face. “No, you didn’t do anything. You’re beautiful. They just don’t care about me.”

“They’re your parents, they’ll always care about you.”

“I’m sorry, were you in that house twenty minutes ago? I didn’t feel any happiness exuding off of my mother for coming in her house unexpected.”

“Well, what about your dad? You didn’t even talk to him.”

“Notice how he wasn’t even around? Yeah he’s good at doing that. My whole family is falling apart.”

He kissed the side of my head then his lips lingered on my skin. “Well you always have a home and a family here with us.” I smiled and kissed him.

“You’re being so John again.”

“I must be good at being John.”

“Ah, you’re getting there.”

It was Christmas Eve and John and his band had a small show at a local bar and when I arrived, Megan was there looking like a giant Christmas tree ornament. I decided I’d go and stand next to her. She actually liked me.

“I hoped you’d be here,” she said but didn’t look at me. “I think it was really shitty how Mom treated you the other day. She feels badly about how you stormed out like that.”

“She ought to. She made me feel like trash.”

“I’m sorry we used your room as the nursery,” she said finally and looped her arm with mine. “I was fine with him sleeping in my room with me, but Mom suggested otherwise.”

“What are you going to name him?”

She smiled ceaselessly. “Aiden. Aiden Daniel Nickelsen.”

“You’re going to be a good mom, Megan.”

“I hope so Danny. When are you going to get pregnant so Aiden can have a cousin?”

“Oh, it’ll be a while. I’m in no rush for kids.”

“I wasn’t either,” she laughed then hugged me sideways. Then the band came on stage wearing the same old brown vests and ties.

“Hello everybody,” John said into the microphone. “We’re The Maine and this song’s called Get Ready.”

After they played their four song set list, Megan and I went outside to wait for them. “Are you coming home tomorrow?” She asked with hurt in her voice and eyes.

“Maybe I’ll bring John with me. I’m not going by myself.”

“I’d like it if you’d be there,” she smiled trivially. “You know Dad’s barely home anymore. Ethan and I can feel a divorce coming on. I think he’s cheating.”

What was weird was that I wasn’t even saddened by the fact that my parents had divorce written all over them.

John found his way over to me and was wiping his forehead with a towel. He kissed me and when we pulled apart, his arms were around me and he was swaying back and forth. “I like playing music for you.”

“I like when you play Daisy. I’m glad you got the band back together. Are you going to go anywhere with it this time?”

“I hope so. I really like doing it. Just think,” he started and guided me across the parking lot with his arm around my shoulder. He was pointing into the sky as if a clip from the future were playing. “Within a few years, we could be selling out arenas and touring around the world.”

“Just keep working at it and you can do anything you want.”

“This is why I love you,” he said and put his hand on my shoulders. “You have nothing but optimism in you.”

“Well I know what it’s like when people tell you that you won’t amount to anything and you’re wasting your time. I can tell that you love doing this and you’re going to go far.”

“You’re so Danny,” he said as I hugged him tightly.

“Well then I guess we make a pretty damn good pair, don’t we?”

“Only the finest.”

I had the dream again. You know, the one where I was running from the net John was trying to trap me in. Only this time instead of running from it I was running to it. When I reached the net, it disappeared and John appeared at the end of the tunnel so I kept running to him. But before I got to him, this mob of people stepped in front of me, picked John up and started carrying him away. He was calling out to me but they kept carrying him farther and farther away until he was out of sight.

I woke up and John’s arms were loosely around me and his mouth was against my shoulder and I felt him softly breathing out of his nose. I ran my fingers through his hair subconsciously and he woke up. “Merry Christmas,” I said as he looked up at me smiling.

“Merry Christmas.” He found his way up to my lips then rested his head on my chest. “Oh, that’s comfortable. How come I don’t sleep right here?”

I teasingly pushed him off of my boobs as he began laughing adorably. “Such a typical guy.”

“You have to admit, they are pretty soft.” I just stared at him then he looked away. “Are you ready to go to your house?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

I broke into a sweat walking up to my door. I never thought I’d hate spending time with my family on Christmas or any other time for that matter.

My mom managed to muster up a last minute present for me – a hundred dollars. Thanks Mom. While I watched Ethan open up Lego packages and camouflage covered items and Megan was opening presents for her baby that wasn’t even born yet, I was sitting in the corner with John playing with my hundred dollar bill. John rubbed my arm comfortingly.

“So when are you kids getting married?” My dad asked, hunched over in his seat.

“Within the next few years,” John said as he began holding my hand. “I’d love to get married the summer after we both finish college. Then we can get started on a family.”

“You’re awfully young to be thinking about starting a family so soon.”

“Well we’ve been dating for almost a year now and I’ve known all my life that she’s the one for me. And I want kids as soon as possible. I think it would be great to be young parents.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” Megan joked dryly as my mom shot her a dirty look.

“Well is that something you want to do, Danny?”

“Of course. I’d love to have little Johns and little Dannys running around.”

After a growing comfortable conversation with my dad and my mom occasionally chiming in, John and I retreated back to his house. He picked me up and threw me on the bed when we got in his room then laid across me. He finally looked at me and had an unshakeable smile on his face.

“Get that creepy grin off your face,” I said but he became creepier. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Let’s have a baby.”

“Are you insane? I’m eighteen.”

“Yeah, and your sister was fifteen when she got pregnant. I don’t see the big deal here.”

“I’m trying to become an actress. People don’t really hire pregnant actresses.”

“Come on,” he whined and twirled his finger around on my stomach.

“Can we wait until we get married?”

He breathed out heavily and moved to lay next to me. “I guess. Jeez, you drive a hard bargain.”

Unfortunately, time in Arizona passed by too quickly and I found myself back in New York, Johnless. With the hundred dollars my mom gave me for Christmas, I put down a deposit on a small studio apartment on the fourth floor of a nice building about five minutes walking distance from campus. What do you know, she came in handy for something. Darcy came over my first day in the apartment.

“This is…cute…” She said, opening cabinets and touching stuff on the walls. “Mind if I paint?”

“Go right ahead.”

“So why did you move out on me again?”

“I had a pretty big scare at the end of last semester. I almost blew my scholarship. I love you Darcy, but you are a toxic influence.”

She smiled like it was a compliment. “So we’re not partying together anymore?” She seemed sad as she plopped on the couch.

“Not for a while. I have to focus on what I’m here for. I’m not here for parties.”

“Man, I wish I was like you. You have your head on your shoulders and all that shit. Shit, you’re engaged. You’re like a 35 year old in an 18 year old’s body.”

“Thanks? Anyways, we can party still. Just, not every day. Maybe once a month if I don’t have anything I need to do for school.”

We smiled at each other for a few seconds before my attention went outside. “Oh shit who’s that?” I asked and she stood up next to me. We both looked at the skinny guy with long, black hair with a guitar case on his back walking down the street.

She sat back down and smiled. “That’s Carlos.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah we went to high school together. I had a nickname for him – Hot Carlos.”

“Very creative.” I sat down next to her as I thought about his face. His very attractive face.

“You like what you saw?”

“He’s…cute…”

“I won’t tell John if you won’t.”

“Oh my gosh, Darcy. I’m not going to cheat on John.”

“Okay so I’ll introduce you guys.”

I shook my head at her as she began dialing his number.