Dirty Little Secrets

After making Jared and Eric leave my apartment for a while so John and I could be together the next day, I rode with them in a taxi to the airport and tearfully said goodbye to them. The following Monday the head of the drama department called me into his office.

“Normally I don’t get my students involved in this, but when I do I have very good reason to. I have gotten you an audition for a small part in a commercial. I know it’s not much, but –”

“Are you kidding? That’s amazing! I can’t believe you would do something like this for me.”

“Whenever you do monologues and improv in class, I know that this is really in your heart and this is what you want to do. I don’t give you a lot of praise because I don’t want you to get too cocky, but I needed to showcase your talent and this is how a lot of great actors get started. I’m just here to make sure your foot gets in the door.”

After walking home with an unshakeable smile about my face and a spring in my step, Darcy came over to celebrate with me. With beer.

“Congratulations, you little whore!” She said and tackled me on my couch. “Do you know how hard you have to work to have that done by a professor? During your first year, nonetheless?”

“Obviously… I did it.”

“God, you are so lucky.” She sat there looking at me with her arm propped up on the back of the couch. “Carlos will not shut up about you.”

“I’m trying not to think about last week.”

“How fucking weird was that! Your fiancé telling you to go on a date with another man, then there’s a fucking talent show so you can pick your man.”

“Yeah, pretty weird. I like Carlos a lot, don’t get me wrong. But he’s not John. I’ll never love someone as much as I love him.”

“There could be someone out there that you like more than John though.”

“I know it sounds like I’m settling, Darce, but honestly I couldn’t do any better than what I already have.”

“Do you know how corny you sound?”

“People call me creamed corn, because I’m smooth.”

We laughed at my dorky remark and left the conversation at that.

--John--

Ryan, Garrett, Pat and I were hanging out at my house while we waited for the call from Tim saying that the EP was mixed and ready to go. Alex went MIA when we finished recording and no one had heard from him. Suddenly the call came and we ventured out to Phoenix to the studio. Only, the EP wasn’t finished yet.

Alex was sitting there while Tim was communicating with the Rick, the producer, and he looked distraught.

“Guys, I feel bad about this but I feel like this was a long time coming.” Even though he didn’t tell us, we already knew. “There’s a point where we need to decide if this is what we really want to do. The fact that you guys have your heart and soul in this makes it hard for me to leave.”

We talked amongst ourselves for a while. Not really trying to persuade him to stay, but to figure out why. And basically, his heart wasn’t really in the right place and school was more important to him, which is understandable.

He left shortly after our heart to heart and then listened to the mixes with wandering minds.

“We need to find a new guitarist,” Pat said with his arms crossed as he looked at the soundboard.

“I heard that band Eric and Kennedy are in just broke up,” Ryan said. “We can get Kennedy.”

“I don’t know, it seems kind of weird we’re already replacing Alex,” Garrett said. “He left like twenty minutes ago.”

I always forgot that Garrett was a dad now. I found that weird because he was the youngest of all of us. But from what I could tell he did a good job at being a father. His little boy was adorable too.

After listening to all the mixes, I called Kennedy then headed to Danny’s parents’ house with Garrett.

“What did Kenny say?”

“He said he’d love to audition this weekend but I’m pretty sure we’re going to let him in the band anyway. From what I’ve heard he’s a good guitar player.”

Garrett and I were helping Danny’s mom fix dinner when he asked me, “How do you feel about Danny getting that role?”

“What role?”

“You know, that commercial role. It’s nothing big, but it’s something.”

“She didn’t tell me. She told you?”

“Megan told me. That’s cool; she’s got a commercial the same time we have an album coming out.”

“What do you mean you’re moving to California?” We heard Danny’s mom’s voice pierce through the air. “Danielle, you’re throwing away your dream! You have three more years… Yes I understand and we’re very proud of you… Are you sure this is what you want to do? Then I have no option but to go along with it. At least you’ll be closer to home…”

I’d been busy the past couple of days so I hadn’t really talked to Danny much but she definitely didn’t tell me she got a role and was moving to California.

“I just didn’t want to bother you with my stuff while you’re worried about replacing Alex and even your EP coming out.”

“That doesn’t matter. This is important to you and you should have told me.”

“I was going to, I was just going to let you have your time. I feel like it’s about me all of the time.”

I didn’t say anything for a few moments until I changed the subject. “So you’re moving to California for one commercial gig?”

“I actually have three different ones scheduled. My professor over here really hooked me up and was actually the one that encouraged me to get out of here and go to LA.”

“Maybe when you’re in California, you won’t be the only one there...” I hinted stupidly.

“Yes California is a happening place. There are lots of people there.”

“I meant... Maybe we could move in together.” There was silence on the other side of the line. “Or not...”

“I keep forgetting you can’t see my face. I was smiling so much I couldn’t speak. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Wait, what about ASU?

“Ah...” I sighed. “I’m dropping out.”

“You’ve only been there two semesters!”

“Hypocritical much?” I said with a smile.

“Shut up. But are you ready to leave your mother’s nest?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t even know how to do laundry yet.”

“I’ll do the laundry if you cook.”

“Deal.”

About two weeks later, I was in California and hadn’t seen Danny yet but she instructed me to meet her at the studio where she was filming. I couldn’t wait any longer since this morning when she told me she had a present for me for our one year engagement anniversary or something like that.

“And that’s a wrap,” the director called as I watched her from the side. She looked at me and walked at a normal pace which felt like forever and she finally made it to me and wrapped her arms around my torso as I enveloped her in mine.

“Is everything okay? You don’t look so good...” I said as she looked up at me with a washed out face.

“Yeah everything’s fine. Let’s go get something to eat.”

We sat across from each other at the In-N-Out Burger we decided to eat at and she was ceaselessly smiling at me. I guess I was doing the same.

“You know,” she started as she bit off half of a french fry. “Since we’re both technically out of college now, we could technically get married if we wanted to.”

“Technically,” I stated and she giggled. “How about right now?”

“But I’m going to feel bloated when we go into the chapel because we just ate!”

“You look like you’re going to be sick,” I observed as I watched her face go from the paleness it was before to a sickening shade of green.

She puffed out her cheeks like she was about to throw up and covered her mouth as she ran to the bathroom. She came back a few minutes later and sat down, letting out a sigh.

“Are you sick?”

“No,” she said blankly.

“So you didn’t go in there and throw up?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, John. I’m fine.”

I looked down at my food wrapper and wadded it up to throw it away then took a long sip of my Dr. Pepper.

“I’m excited to see the apartment,” I said, changing the subject to something she would actually want to talk about.

“You’re going to love it,” she said with a giant smile on her face, which was turning its normal shade again. “I can’t believe we’re actually going to live together.”

“Yeah, now we can spend the night in each other’s rooms without having to sneak out at the crack of dawn.”

She smiled wickedly and added, “And we don’t have to be quiet either.”

“You’re so dirty,” I said and she laughed. The people at the next table looked at us disapprovingly.

A few minutes later, we found ourselves in front of the apartment and before she turned the knob she said, “Close your eyes. It’s a surprise.”