Dirty Little Secrets

--Danny--

It scared me to know that I had a life growing inside of me. But at the same time, comforted me knowing that it was something John and I created. I was rounding off at the 12 week marker and decided to go ahead and tell my mom. I didn’t really know how she’d take it, considering Megan just had her baby just six months ago.

I was happy that John was more than okay with the whole situation. That made it so much better. In the past two weeks he’d stepped up and started researching things we’d need. I was really lucky to have him.

“What’s everybody going to think?” He asked with a smirk as he was scrolling down some web page.

“Everybody as in who?”

“As in the people we went to school with. Jared and Eric. Kennedy. Your family. My family.”

“Well I don’t see why people we went to school with would give two shits. Jared and Eric will be ecstatic that they’re going to have a niece. Kennedy will be glad he dodged that bullet and our families will hopefully support us.”

He smiled at me then turned his chair to face me. “Do you really want to live here?”

“Why? Do you not?”

He shrugged. “The apartment is nice and it really feels comfortable, but California just doesn’t feel like home. There’s just a bunch of weirdos running around everywhere. And we’re kind of far away from anyone important.”

“I mean I guess. We’ll move back to Arizona... But I kind of have a big role coming up.”

“Dammit Danny. When were you going to tell me?”

“I just found out today!” I protested but he playfully shook his head at me. “It’s some ABC sitcom. I think it’s called Still Standing or something like that. They want me to play a guest role on a whole season.”

“Why are you so good?”

I shrugged. “The best.”

“Damn. You’re pregnant and you’re still getting work.” He paused for a moment. “Remember back in December when I begged you to have a baby?”

“How could I forget? But hey, you got your wish.”

He let out a long sigh while he spoke. “I know but I kinda really wanted a boy.”

“Now you’re just being greedy.”

****

“Hey Mom guess what?” I said into the phone.

“What’s that?”

“You’re going to be a grandma again!”

She was silent for a moment then began hysterically laughing. “You’re just fucking with me right?”

“Nope. December 8th to be approximate.”

“Oh my God, Danielle.” She sounded like she was about to pass out. “You girls are trying to literally put me into an early grave. I wish I had all boys.”

“Then they’d be getting their girlfriends pregnant. It’s a fact of life. Besides, you know you love me and Megan.”

“Well of course I do, Danielle. But I am 41 years old and twice a grandmother. You’re making me feel older than I should.”

“Hey, we’re doing you a favor. You’ll actually be alive when our kids get married and have their kids and you’ll be a great grandma!”

“And if they reproduce anything like their parents, maybe I’ll live to be a great great grandmother.”

“Now you’re talking!”

She laughed slightly. “Well, Danielle. Congratulations. I wish you and John the best.”

My mother’s well-wishes didn’t really make me feel well, but it was sixteen steps up from where she was six months ago. But my mom came to terms with it and that’s all I asked for.

A month later, I began to show in that “is she fat or is she...” way. I completed my two other commercials and would begin shooting for that ABC show in a couple of days. Whenever I would come back to the apartment, I’d see John watching TV or surfing the internet mindlessly and I could tell he wasn’t happy here. Really, neither was I but what was I going to do? Make five hour commutes every morning? Only come home on my days off? I felt like an asshole.

I lied next to him while he was sitting on the couch and rested my head on his leg.

“You’re getting bigger,” he said quietly. I looked up at him and he was slightly smiling.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking...I’m thinking by the end of the year we’re going to be parents.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“It’s scary. Like what if I don’t do something right? Doesn’t that scare you?”

“I’m terrified.” We exchanged glances for a moment before I continued. “But as long as we’re trying and we’re in it together, there’s no possible way we could go wrong.”

“You’re going to be a good mom, Dan.”

“And you’re going to be a good dad.”

“What if the band really makes it big? Then I won’t be in her life.”

“Don’t think about stuff like that. It’ll be hard but if you gave up something you love I don’t think I would ever forgive myself.”

“Why would you think it was your fault?”

“Because I would have totally ruined your life bringing a new one in. So please, keep doing what you love doing.”

“Well what about you?” He questioned. “Are you going to continue acting? It’s your dream.”

I shrugged. “It doesn’t feel like my dream anymore. I think once she gets here,” I said, motioning to my belly, “I’ll have a different dream.”

“But you’re so good at it.”

“I imagine I can be an even better mother.”

He was holding onto my hand then kissed the back of it. “I cannot wait for her to get here.”

“Neither can I.”

-September 12, 2007-

I was a startling three months from my due date and every day I inched closer, I also got bigger.

“Oh my goodness, Danielle!” My mom exclaimed when she saw me for the first time in nine months.

We were back in Arizona. After a month and a half of filming from my chest and up, they decided to send my character to Africa. Which was understandable for a character that wasn’t supposed to be pregnant. And it wasn’t that fun anymore. Especially with fatigue.

“Close your eyes,” John said and tried to pick me up, but decided just to guide me. “Pretend I’m carrying you across the threshold.”

“You’re such a dork,” I laughed then he took his hands off of my shoulders and flipped on the light.

“Ta da!” He said and I opened my eyes, but only looked at him and rolled my eyes. We were in his hallway when he told me to close my eyes, and now we were in his room.

“Oh my gosh, no way! Your room!”

“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s our room now.”

“Oh our room, huh? Mom and Dad are okay with that?”

“Well I’ve already gotten you pregnant, what else are we gonna do in here?”

“Good point. I’m sure they’re not going to want to share a house with a screaming baby though.”

“They figured your parents did when Aidan was born, so they could take one for the team and help out with ours.”

“What do you want to name her?” I carefully laid on my back and he sat lied next to me.

“Marissa.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What’s wrong with Marissa?”

“Nothing’s wrong with Marissa, it’s just not our child.”

“Danielle.”

I just looked at him.

“Genevieve.”

“Where are these names coming from?”

“Daisy.”

I continued to look at him, but not in the same light as before. Daisy really resonated with me. Maybe because John professed his love to me singing a song he entitled Daisy.

“Amelia.”

“No, no...Daisy...”

“I wonder why you like that name.” All I could do was smile and think about holding Daisy in my arms. “So it’s settled. Wait, what about a middle name?”

“I really like Skye.”

“Daisy Skye? Au natural, huh?”

“I think it sounds cute!”

He wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my arm. “Daisy Skye O’Callaghan.”

--John--

I had those typical father doubts. I was scared that I wouldn’t raise my daughter right, but Danny was right. As long as we worked it out together there was no way we could fail. I bet she will be a daddy’s girl because I will give that little girl anything she wants.

The next day, I hung out with Garrett after he got out of school.

“What’s it like to be a dad?”

“It’s tough. I wasn’t dating Megan very long before she got pregnant so I didn’t know a whole lot about her. It’s stressful sometimes and I need a break from her once in a while but other than that, raising Aidan is the funnest and hardest thing I’ve ever done. He’s such a wonderful kid. I still have my fears of the future... Like us going on tour and stuff. I’m worried that he’s not going to remember who I am.”

“I have those same fears about Daisy.”

“Daisy?” A smile appeared on his face. “Like the song?”

“Like the song. I’m also afraid of everyone judging us for being so young and parents.”

“Fuck it. Yeah, we were irresponsible for a moment, but we didn’t go run off and leave our kids behind. We’re embracing fatherhood. Anyone that can’t see that can fuck off.”

“It feels like you’re older than me,” I said and chuckled.

“I am. My mental age is about 27. Your’s is about...22. Maybe 23.”

“Whatever Garrett.”

I pulled into Sonic and got out of my truck as Garrett followed me to a table.

“Well, I can say for sure that us fathers have the easier job. I mean, have you ever thought about pushing a baby out of your body?! I don’t know how women do that...”

I laughed to myself and embraced the thought that I would be able to do this.