Dirty Little Secrets

I pulled back from him and rested my head on his shoulder as he held me close to him. “I didn’t know how much I missed that...” I said. He didn’t say anything, just kissed my cheek.

I left John’s apartment in a daze and arrived at my empty house about 15 minutes later.

--John--

“Johnny!” Jared yelled as he burst into my apartment. “Where’s Dais?”

I was silent as I started walking back towards her room but she ran past me and jumped into Jared’s arms.

“Hey, man, are you alright?” He asked me after he’d tossed her in the air.

“Y-yeah. I’m great.”

He looked at me suspiciously. “Yeah, dude, you don’t look so good,” Eric said and sat on the couch.

I sat down as well and didn’t say anything as they sat there staring at me.

“Do you guys...ever...hang out with Danny anymore?” I asked after a while.

They shook their heads. “Not really. We haven’t really hung out with her since we came to New York with you forever ago. Why do you ask?”

I shrugged. “I was just thinking back to the days when we were in high school. And I can’t think of a single memory without her in it.”

“John, listen...” Jared started. “Danny is a married woman.” He was speaking firmly and slowly. “And you have Sophie. I know how much you don’t want to hear it but things are never going to work out-”

“I kissed her this morning.”

“You... You what? You kissed her?! Why?”

“Because she wanted me to. She came in here and told me some things that she shouldn’t have told me and I kissed her and I don’t feel bad about it.”

“John, do you realize what you’ve done? You made her cheat on her husband and you cheated on your girlfriend!” Eric exclaimed.

“It wasn’t really cheating, it was no big deal, it was just a kiss.”

“Just a kiss?”

“Okay, maybe it was something more... Don’t you guys get it? I’m in love with her.” It was the first time I’d said it out loud to anyone but myself.

“Why didn’t you tell her that before she got married?!” Jared was in hysterics. Mainly because he was so excited to be hearing the words out of my mouth. “He asked if anyone had any objections and you had one.”

“She was... She was just so happy with Joel. And Joel is my friend and I’d never hurt him. Besides she wanted nothing to do with me, at least that’s what I thought.”

They sat there with their legs crossed and their hands over their mouths, jittery as if they were about to outburst.

“So what do I do?”

“You can’t do anything!” Jared said quickly and covered his mouth again.

“So you’re telling me I just have to sit here and pretend nothing happened?”

“There’s nothing you can do. You can’t just go and break the sanctity of their marriage. I mean, there was a reason you guys broke up in the first place.”

“I’ve grown up. I know now how I acted back then was stupid. I thought I was ready to be married to her, but I really wasn’t. But now I am.”

“She didn’t wait for you to grow up. And she shouldn’t have. She’s moved on and you have too. Sophie, remember Sophie?”

I waved them off. “Notice I haven’t been any happier since I started seeing her?”

“What do you want us to say, John? Because it’s obvious you’ve already made up your mind.”

--Danny--

“You kissed him? Why?” Dirk asked over the phone. “Oh, I forgot you two used to be...involved. It’s so weird; I’ve only ever known you to be with Joel. Speaking of which, have you told him? Or are you even going to tell him?”

“I don’t know. I mean, it was just a harmless little kiss. I don’t really think he needs to know.”

“What if Joel ‘harmlessly’ kissed his baby mama and didn’t tell you about it?”

“He doesn’t have one, Dirk.”

“You know what I mean.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I’d feel terrible. But he’ll be angry when I tell him.”

“You’ve made your beds. Now who’s are you going to lie in?”

Everyone was preparing for damage control. Do this, do that, don’t do this, tell him that... I didn’t want to do damage control. I didn’t want to explain my actions to anyone and no one really deserved an explanation. Sure I was being reckless and playing with fire, but I didn’t really care.

A few days later, Joel was still gone on tour and John brought Daisy back to my house. I opened the door and she ran in and hugged my leg and he held up a large brown sack. “Dinner?”

“How did you know I haven’t eaten yet?” I asked and shut the door as he made his way towards the kitchen.

“Since when have you eaten dinner while it’s still light out?”

I smiled and sat down at the table as he pulled the contents out of the bag and Daisy bounced around excitedly in her chair.

“Thank you Daddy,” she said sweetly when he placed her Happy Meal in front of her.

Daisy talked about what she and John did at his apartment and who visited them and we exchanged small glances and smiles all the while.

“Alright, Dais, I know this is a tough question, but what do you want for your birthday?”

Her smile faded. “I want you, Daddy.”

He was taken by surprise. “But Daisy, you already have me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Daddy, how come you and Mommy don’t live together?”

“Well, you see...” I started. “No one’s parents live together.”

“But Laura and Carly’s parents live together.”

“Well that’s because-” John said then got cut off.

“Oh cool! A toy!” She exclaimed then ran off towards her room.

“That was close,” I said and started picking up the trash left on the table.

“Dan, why don’t we live together?” He asked and my shoulders sank.

“John, don’t do this.” He stood behind me and placed his hands softly on my shoulders and ran his nose lightly up my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. “Oh, who am I kidding?” I turned around, put my arms around his neck and kissed him. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around him then he carried me back to the bedroom.

--Joel--

“Hey man, thanks for giving me a ride,” I said to Garrett.

“No problem at all. Say hi to Danny and Daisy for me.” He sped down the road in his yellow car and I stood outside and took in the view of our house. Good to be home. Danny didn’t know I was coming home; it was a surprise visit for Daisy’s birthday in a few days.

I walked in the house and it was eerily quiet. Maybe they were taking a nap. I walked back to the bedroom but stopped about five feet away from the door. No... I heard her moaning John’s name. I burst in the doorway and my worst fears were confirmed by what I saw. They were scrambling to cover themselves and John began apologizing profusely as well as Danny.

It all happened too fast. They quickly got their clothes back on and John grabbed his coat, apologized one last time and dashed out of the house. Danny was practically groveling at my feet with tears streaming down her face.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Why? Have I done something wrong to deserve this? Have I not given you all that I can? Have I not been a good husband to you?”

“No, no, no, it’s not you. He just came over to drop of Daisy...and the dinner...and it just felt like old times, please forgive me.”

“I don’t know if I can, Danielle. Have you been doing this every time I’ve been on tour?”

“No, this was the first and last time, baby.” Her tears were drying on her mascara-stained face. “Do you hate me?”

“No.”

“Do you not want to be married anymore?”

“I don’t know,” I said coldly. “I can’t answer that right now.”

“Joel...”

“I can’t look at you right now.”

A new stream of tears came out of her eyes and she bolted past me and out of the house.

“Jool? Where is Mommy going? Why is she crying?” Daisy asked. She’d witnessed almost the entire thing.

“Mommy’s going to be gone for a little while. And it’s just going to be me taking care of you.”

--Danny--

I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I have slept with John? My eyes were burning as I drove and I had to pull over because my vision was so blurred. I didn’t know where I was going but I found myself at the only place I wanted to be.