All I Know to Do Is Shed a Tear for You

"So what did you get up to today?" Zacky asked as we walked. Apparently this party was a few streets over from ours and he had decided that walking would be better than driving.

Instead of answering automatically, like I normally would, I thought about just how much I was willing to tell him. While Zacky may have been my best friend, he greatly discouraged the sometimes constant thoughts of self harm and/or suicide that my mind harbored. There was no doubt in my mind that if I told him the entire story of what I was doing this afternoon that he would go into his very worn out rant about sending me back to rehab.

"I was at the park" I answered simply, a small shrug following immediately after.

For awhile Zacky didn't say anything else, opting for us to walk in an amicable silence, while he no doubt pondered any possible double meaning my words might have had. It wasn't a hidden fact from him that I spent a good portion of my time hiding there alone but he was never really sure what I did while I was there. He just knew that it was somewhere that I went to when being at home was too much.

"Let me see your arms" he asked a few minutes later, his pacing slowing until he all but stopped and looked at me expectantly.

I sighed as I stopped beside him. Not completely happy with the fact that it had been almost two years since I got back and he still didn't trust me completely. But I complied and pulled my shirt sleeve up to reveal lightly scarred arms.

"There's nothing on them Zacky. That's not why I go to the park" I spoke softly, pulling my sleeve down once he had inspected my arm thoroughly. "I just go there to think."

His face when I turned away from him was doubtful, as if he knew there was something more to it, but he followed me nonetheless. Well that was until I remembered that I had no real clue as to where we were going.

"This way smart one" Zack chuckled as he pulled my arm down another street.

After that it was obvious where the party was at. There were cars parked on the road in front of the house, across the street, and randomly down the street. People were pouring outside from inside the house and red cups already littered the front lawn. Loud bass filled music flooded from the house.

Without even exchanging a look Zacky and I linked our hands together. It was like our unspoken rule. Until we had a good feel of the party we would be kept together by our hands, making sure nothing too bad happened.

Just as I had thought the house was packed as we tried to push our way through the crowds of people in the small house. More than once I was almost pulled from Zacky's grasp but somehow he managed to keep a firm grip on my hand.

The kitchen wasn't as crammed with people as the rest of the house was. To mine and Zacky's relief. Once Zacky located the mass amount of alcohol he dropped my hand and went to get us both a drink. Almost immediately I lost my vision.

"Guess who!" an all too familiar voice asked excitedly, his cold hands shaking as he bounced behind me.

"Jimmy, get off me" I giggled, trying to pry his hands off my face.

Instantly light flooded my eyes as he removed his hands and chuckled behind me. As I turned around I was engulfed in a hug by my giant of a friend. I had known Jimmy for almost two years now. He was the only person I could stand to socialize with while I was in rehab. We had practically become inseparable while I was there. Something that stuck when he got out.

"What's up Green Giant?" I asked with a smile, Jimmy scowling at the nickname I had given him when we first met.

"I was wondering when you and Zacky were going to show up. It only seemed to take you forever" he sighed dramatically as he draped an arm across my shoulders. At that exact moment Zacky came up to us holding two red cups. "Speak of the devil."

"Jim, this party is crazy. Who's it again? I'm sure you told me but I can't remember" he asked, handing me a cup of whatever he had while he drank from his.

"My buddy Matt's. Dude you would love him. He's great. And crazy as fuck" Jimmy ranted, his eyes darting everywhere as if he was looking for someone while his hands waved around in front of him. "There he is! Matt! Matt get over here!"

Like a scene from a movie Matt came towards us, my mind instantly figuring out who was as my breath caught in my throat, and smiled. His hazel eyes met mine and it was all I could do not to blush. I turned my face away from his as Jimmy properly introduced us, barely muttering hello

I felt Zacky's arm tighten around my protectively as he spoke to Matt. I had not clue what they were talking about, too lost in my own thoughts to pay much attention to them. I was still trying to get over the fact that my savior from earlier in the day was here.

Actually taking the time to take in his appearance I realized just how attractive he was. He was tall and muscular with a few tattoos adorning his arms. He had thick dark hair that was slicked back perfectly. But what attracted me the most was his eyes. Deep hazel and piercing. It was like he could see into the depths of your soul with them. That and the cute dimples he got whenever he smiled.

"You alright Georgie Porgie?" Jimmy asked, nudging me with his shoulder when I didn't answer him right away.

Shaking my head at him I smiled, silently letting him know that I was alright. "I'm just gonna go outside and get some fresh air." I told him softly, moving myself from under Zacky's protective hold and excusing myself.

When I got outside I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. The fact that the guy who had stopped me from putting a bullet through my skull was here. He was one of my best friend's friends. He was talking to the person who was basically responsible for me being put in rehab. He could let anything slip at any time.

"You ok?" the familiar voice asked, sending chills down my back.

I was intent on ignoring him. If I didn't talk to him maybe he would go away. Maybe he would realize that I might have appreciated what he did at the park but that it didn't give him reason to continue to further talk to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, moving to stand in front of me and stare down at me with curious eyes.

"Peachy keen. Why?" I answered, my tone colder than I had intended it to be but it didn't seem to phase him in the least.

"I just wanted to ask you something. But if I'm bothering you I can just leave" he replied as he held his hands up in front of him.

Instinctively I rolled my eyes at him, not bothering to say anything, and walked away intent on finding either Jimmy or Zacky. Suddenly this party was the absolute last place I wanted to be. I just wanted to go home or somewhere that wasn't here. That way I wouldn't have to be around Matt. It was really just too much for me to handle at the moment.

After awhile of searching through the crowds of people I found Jimmy's head floating about everyone else. Making a beeline towards him I pushed multiple people out of my way and I'm sure spilled quite a few drinks.

"Jimmy!" I called out trying my hardest to get his attention.

I watched as he looked around for whoever called his name, his eyes lighting up when he finally met my gaze and frantic waving around. In a matter of seconds he had me wrapped in his arms with my feet off the floor, a small yelp of surprise leaving my lips as he did so.

"What happened to you? You just took off" he asked, concern filling his eyes as he waited for my answer.

"I just needed air Jimbo. Nothing to worry about" I smiled as I easily lied to him. "But I was thinking of heading out. Just really not in the mood for a party tonight. And I can't seem to find Zacky. So can you do me a big one and let him know I've gone and that I'll call him tomorrow?"

He eyed me suspiciously before he nodded once again engulfing me in a hug. "You know you can talk to me about anything Georgia. Doesn't matter. It's not like I'll judge you rehab buddy."

I smiled at him as he pulled away and nodded while walking away from him. I knew that I could talk to Jimmy no matter what. We had a 'no judge' policy with each other. But I wasn't ready to talk to him about this. Not just yet.