Hamartia

I found myself at Dewy's at seven in the morning and I was not especially proud of it. A cup of coffee had always made me think clearly after a night of restlessness but today I was insatiable.

I wrap my bony fingers around the warm cup and slowly sipped its content, savoring the warm liquid and caffeine that would hopefully wake me from the nightmare that involved Ben being adamant on rectifying his mistakes and being ceaseless on convincing me to let him attend my sister's bridal shower. It was a nightmare that I knew would happen, maybe just the last part-- but still. I could tell him a thousand times to fuck off but after spending three years with him, I knew that with his stubborn attitude, it would be of no use.

What he did to me was exponentially baneful that I resolved to convincing myself that all men were assholes but I rationalized: the whole male population didn't have anything to do with my break up or how much of a man-whore Ben was.

It cost me some major trust issues, though. It would be--

“You know, I liked you better when you were being cranky.”

It took me a few more seconds to grasp the fact that he was here and he was real. His hair was tousled, inadvertently giving him the look that shook the world of the cashier that was now eying him amorously.

“What are you doing here?” I wasn't being rude. I was genuinely curious. But most of all, I just didn't know what to reply to that unexpected remark of his.

“Grabbing a cup of coffee.” Garrett held up his purchase for emphasis. “You okay?”

He sat on the opposite side of the table, facing me, and I was almost ashamed to be seen in this state.

“I'm good.”

A smirk made its way to his lips. “Right.” A good thirty seconds of silence hung in the air before he spoke again. “It's that bad?”

I scoffed and shook my head disbelievingly. “I just can't fucking believe him. I was in love with him since I knew that 'dick' wasn't just a name, you know? And I was, like, nine.”

I felt embarrassed for telling him this when he clearly didn't ask me to do so, then incredulous due to the fact that he was listening intently, then finally skeptical as to why he was still putting up with me when he had all the excuses in the world to run a mile from me.

“God, I'm pathetic.” My palm almost wouldn't leave my face.

“There will always be love left, though.” He said, gazing outside the window adjacent to our table. “No matter how much pain he had inflicted, there will always be love left. Because you loved him and you can't have back what you've willingly given.”

“Where did that come from?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “I've been there.”

I was dubious but by the tone of his voice and his manner of speaking, it was pretty apparent that it was a sensitive topic so I didn't try to press the subject. I must have put a damper on his morning and it made me feel worse because not only did I manage to do that by sputtering out personal bullshit but also because I seemed to have triggered an unwanted blast from the past.

“Lighten up, Robin. I'm positive you don't need a man to define your existence.” He said, laughing lightly.

I laughed by the sudden change in his mood. “That's so hypocritical of you, you know?”

“Yeah,” He said, grinning widely. “I know.”

The minutes tread by unnoticed and I was struck by how easy it was to get along with him and just... well, talk. He enthusiastically expatiated his love for Star Wars and movies that particularly involved zombies and all that gory stuff I couldn't bear watching.

However, my phone in my bag, which was on my lap, had been vibrating nonstop to the point that I had to cut off Garrett professing his love for Wilco and Jimmy Eat World.

An unregistered number, albeit one I knew very well, flashed across the screen and I internally groaned. Deleting his number off my contacts list was such a grade school move but at that moment, that was the most logical thing I thought I could do.

“Don't you even dare,” I seethed through gritted teeth, making sure the anger I felt would travel through the receiver.

“I'm sor--”

“I feel sorry for myself too, Ben. So fucking sorry.”

“Just... just give me a last chance, Robs. Last one, I swear.”

“That lines seem familiar. Have you said those before?”

I heard some slamming on the other line and I imagined him throwing something-- anything-- that was within his reach. That was typical of him. I didn't bother to prolong the conversation anymore. I pressed the red button before he could say anything else and before I could have my stupidity get the best of me.

“Sorry,” I glanced apologetically at Garrett who, by the time I did, was staring at me with an amused expression. “What?”

“That was, by far, the most interesting one-sided conversation I've ever heard.”

My phone's beeping cut me off before I could even utter a single word.

“Robs, need u now 4 party prep ASAP!!!”

I mumbled a string of profanities before shutting off my phone for good and turned to Garrett. “Well it was nice talking to you but I really need to go now.”

“Let me drive you,” He offered. “You look so worn out, it's almost scary.”

I bit back a laugh. “You do know that if I were most girls, my kneecap had already hit your balls, right?”

Garrett trailed behind me as I walked out the door but I swear I heard him faintly say, “I've paid enough attention to know that you aren't like most girls.”

I knew I wasn't a model specimen of morality and modestly but when did I exactly become worthy enough of a rockstar's attention who was undoubtedly out of my league?

I turned to him before he rounded the hood of his yellow car. “I was thinking,” I mumbled. “I was thinking if you guys would like to play for my sister's bridal shower.”