Hamartia

And he did.

He cupped my face and caressed my cheeks in the gentlest manner as if I was a porcelain doll but I knew I was just as fragile. There was no hint of confliction as his lips met mine while I was nothing but despondent. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I realized that my sanity was not far from being defunct and my aptitude to do such act just backed up the fact that I was indeed at my wits end. I wasn't exactly sure on why I have been confining myself inside my room for a week-- a week!-- after I ran away from Garrett in the middle of our kiss. Okay, maybe I did know why but I was too much of a coward to admit it.

I've never been disappointed in myself this much and I couldn't believe I've done such ignominious act out of sheer desperation to show Ben that I, too, was happy without him when in fact, I was not.

Or was I?

And it cost me a growing friendship with a really great guy for me to realize that.

I kept telling myself that I shouldn't have done it, that it shouldn't have happened, that I shouldn't have let it happen, and that I shouldn't have used Garrett Nickelsen, but there was nothing I could do to take it all back.

And depriving myself of any human interaction for a week while eating copious amount of junk just seemed to be the only way of getting my mind off of things but it was hardly working because I was too consumed by guilt.

“Rob?”

I grudgingly tore my eyes away from the TV screen where Justin Timberlake's immaculate face was being showcased for my entertainment. There were muffled voices outside and I quickly stiffened because I could distinguish that voice anywhere.

“Jesus Christ, Robin, this guy's been coming over for a week!”

I had already opened the door before I was able to gather my thoughts. Mom looked clearly pissed off at my ignorance but she couldn't really blame me. I was never told that he had been coming over and even if they did, I wouldn't have believed it because it seemed impossible.

But Garrett was here right in front of me, looking riveting despite the apparent signs of lack of sleep on his face. I felt the strong urge to reach out and tell him, “I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry,” but the way he looked at me completely threw me off.

I mean, after what I did, it would be understandable if he'd be acting like a total dick, but no. He was sheepishly smiling at me with two cups of coffee on both hands and if that doesn't make you all fuzzy in the inside then I don't know what will.

Mom was already heading downstairs when he spoke.

“You ran away.”

“You should, too. From me.”

“I never will.”

“Then I'm going to run away from you again.” I slammed the door shut in his face and wished that he would just go and probably act like we've never met at all so I would stop getting all fuzzy and warm inside whenever he was around.

There was complete silence from the other side of the door for, like, thirty minutes and I figured sense had already hit him. I slowly pulled the door opened and I was dumbfounded to see him sitting cross-legged, his back against the wall and smiling at me.

“What are you still doing here?” I seethed through gritted teeth but a part of me was yelling in joy that he wasn't easily giving up.

He slowly got up and walked over to me, his eyes glazing into mine. “Being a friend.”

“Justin Timberlake is already doing the honor so you may now bugger off.”

Garrett was looking at me incredulously and just being under his scrutiny was making it hard for me to think coherently. He pushed a warm cup of coffee into my hand and invited himself inside my room before I was able to stop him.

“Justin Timberlake can't lend you his shoulder to for you to cry on, can he?”

I looked at the ceiling and drew in a deep breath before looking at Garrett again. “Why aren't you mad at me? For fuck's sake, Garrett, if you're here to murder me just cut the chase. I deserve it.”

He picked up the left-overs of my immoderate consumption of Pringles from the floor and laughed. It was as if he didn't hear me at all.

“Would you just... Garrett, please. Look at me.” I could feel the walls that I've built around me crumbling down block by block as I watched him tidying up my room. There was no use keeping the tears at bay. They were already escaping my bloodshot eyes before I could stop them from and I tried my best to cover them up by burying my face in my trembling hands.

“I used you, okay? I fucking used you!”

I felt him wrap his arms around my shoulder and all I could think was how unbelievable this guy was. He was soothing my hair and murmuring, “It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay,” in my ear and I hoped to God it was true.

But still I was defiant to any form of help, especially from him because I was crying over him-- not Ben-- and it took me so much time to realize that.

I pushed him away with all the force I could muster but he just merely stumbled a few paces back. He looked so defeated and worn out and I hoped I didn't do it but if I didn't, then I wouldn't be able to stop myself from attaching myself with him even more.

“I'm sorry.” I said hoarsely. “Be mad, Garrett. Please, for the love of God, be fucking mad at me!”

“Believe me, Robin, I tried but I just can't be mad at you. Fuck, I want to be mad at you but--” He ran a hand through his tousled hair and shook his head.. “You're driving me crazy and you don't even know it.”

The next thing I knew he was hugging me again and this time I was already hugging him back and I didn't feel like shit anymore. He just had that effect on me and it was terrifying.