Just Being With You

"Calm down. Just tell me what he said" Sarah said soothingly as she brought me a cup of tea from the kitchen. "He started getting dressed and then he was like, 'Well I guess the plan worked'" I told her, sipping it gratefully. "He doesn't want me, he's got millions of girls falling over themselves to sleep with him. I was just another girl to him. God I was so stupid!" I said, annoyed at both myself and Harry.
"Are you sure though? Maybe he just meant your plan to annoy Louis had worked, but he still likes you." Sarah suggested. "Or not..." I said, tracing he pattern on my cup carefully. "He said he'll text you later, maybe he will. Even if he doesn't you'll be fine, you're the best looking person I know." Sarah told me. Liar, I thought to myself and my facial expression must have betrayed me. "Oh, Emme! Don't tell me you're thinking of doing that again" she said, lowering her voice as she said 'that'. It was something we never mentioned any more, not since last time.

"Depends what you mean by that" I said moodily, trying to avoid her gaze. "Emme you know what it did to you last time. I was sitting by your bed as you cried and begged them to let you leave. You've got to stop this now." she said, trying to seem calm, although her voice showed me just how desperate she was feeling. "I don't give a fuck! What's the point in me even being here when no boy will come near me?" I screamed, standing up and letting the cup smash to the floor. "Emme, just talk about this." Sarah begged as I walked towards my bedroom. "No! Nobody understands me." I shouted as I slammed my door and fell back onto my bed.
Some people will wonder why somebody who suffers from bulimia would have a career in modelling, but the answer is why wouldn't I? When I was twelve I began modelling for my mum's fashion designer friends. It was there that I realised just how disgusting my body was. I saw all the other girls, so much prettier, so much skinnier, and wanted to be like them.
But I couldn't. My mum hired a nutritionist, but I was never as skinny as I wanted to be.Then, when I was fifteen. I realised that the only way I could compete was by making myself throw up, so I did.
My mum and Dad were never there, so it took a whole year for someone to notice it. Miss Simmonds, my English teacher had noticed just how much weight I had lost. She'd spoken about it with a counsellor at my school and I was told that I had to start going to therapy sessions. It had worked for a while, until every so often I would see a fat picture of myself in a magazine, or some ignorant, trashy girl on twitter would point out how my stomach was sticking out.

Then, when I was 17 I went to hospital when I passed out in my apartment in New York from exhaustion. The doctors realised what I'd been doing I was ordered to go to Rehab for three months whilst they fattened me up, or as they put it 'Made me healthy' . The newspapers were going crazy trying to find out why I was there, some claimed it was depression, others that I was a druggie. Eventually my management released a statement saying I had had a breakdown due to the stress of the media.

"Fucking hell Emme, just let me in. Please!" Sarah shouted, banging on the door. ""What's the point?" I asked, my voice slightly muffled by the duvet I was talking into. "What's the point? What's the fucking point? Yeah that's right Emme, don't even consider the fact that your parents paid hundreds of thousands of punts for you to get better. Don't even consider the fact that you spent months in treatment trying to get over this. Your realised you had a problem and you tried to fix it. I really respected you for that, but right now all you're doing is proving to me that you're a self centred bitch who doesn't give a fuck about anyone around her. You haven't even thought about how this will affect your family and your fans. You're a role model, do you really want ten year old girls to spend the rest of their life hunching over a toilet whilst they cough up their guts because you think it's cool." she shouted, slightly breathless by the end. I knew she was right, but what else was I supposed to do?
"It's stupid, you know it, I know it and everybody knows it. And over Harry Styles of all fucking people! You could have any guy you wanted, but you just don't see how great you look. Please don't do this, I don't know what I'd do without you" she said, her voice softening towards the end. I sat up slowly, why was I doing this? It was stupid and I should get out before I was in too deep again.

I stood up, walking towards the door and opening it slowly to look at Sarah. Her expression was positively alarmed, although it calmed slightly once she saw me. "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't do that to yourself again. Just please don't scare me like that again" she said, and I nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just hate what it does to me. It takes me over and then i feel like I'm losing you and everybody else." I sobbed slightly and she hugged me. "I'm sorry too, but you should know, I'm always going to be here for you. Even when you act like a bitch" she said and I laughed through my tears.