Right From the Start

“You look bummed.” Laura commented only making me more degraded. I sighed and slammed my locker shut. It was Wednesday and so far, no sign of either Garrett or John. Whenever I heard their names in the hall, I would instantly snap my head towards the general direction and look for either of them. Then I would fail because I was just imagining things.

I was having two dilemmas. One, I didn’t know why John gave me an almost kiss. Two, Garrett was pissed at me for some unholy reason I did not know of. My life more or less has taken its toll.

I sighed again and ran a hand through my messy blonde hair. My shirt was all wrinkled up since I woke up late and I just grabbed the nearest shirt I had. Walking down the school corridors with a frown on my face added the effect of being a total loner. I clutched my books closer to my chest and ignored the continuing stares I got from the people around me. I don’t really understand why you have to dress to impress. You’re just in school.

“I swear Isa, if you’re going to sigh again I am going to force your mouth open and choke out a decent response.”

I glanced at Laura, a tad bit surprised that she actually threatened me. Her mouth was set into a thin line and her grey eyes blazed with irritation and concern. Despite this ongoing confusion and somewhat depression I was feeling, I found the fact that she was being dead serious and gorgeous relatively funny. She looked almost perfect wearing a flattering dress which showed of her curves. It was a new look and one that I still haven’t gotten used to. I on the other hand looked like a lost hobo.

I shrugged and looked down at my feet. “I don’t feel good.” I muttered. It was the truth anyways. I heard Laura groan beside me and nudged me in the gut causing me to stumble. I gritted my teeth and glared at her hoping that she would shrink under it. Too bad things like that don’t happen.

“I think I got the message when we met up a while ago. Should I tell you a detailed account of how you looked? Rather, look?”

Pandemonium was evident in the hall which was a good thing since it drowned out most of my thoughts. I unconsciously fixed my hair and shook my head.

“No.” I don’t want to hear Laura tell me how hideous I looked. Well not exactly hideous but more of…how underwhelming I was in the eyes of our society.

Laura rolled her eyes and searched the sea of people. I stifled a smile knowing who she was looking for. My eyes did the same, searching for two familiar faces in the crowd only to come up disappointed. I stomped my foot having the urge to slam my face into a wall and figuring that it might give me all the answers I needed. Sometimes you need a slap in the face to get back to reality.

“You know, things could be easier if you just told me what’s going on? You didn’t even tell me a single thing about that party you attended to. What kind of friend are you?” Laura asked, mocking me with that tone of hers.

I gave her one final glare before the sound of a bell resonated throughout the halls.

“A very dear one.” I replied smoothly and left her to her History class. Lucky for her she didn’t have to rush all the way to her Physics class.

I ruthlessly dashed across the hallway praying that I wouldn’t be late for Physics. A couple of students remained in the hallways, running for their lives as well. After a panting for a couple of seconds, I reached the lab only to be welcomed by a scowling professor whose eyeglasses were perched on the bridge of his nose.

“How nice of you to join us Ms. Thames.” Damn, three seconds late.

I gave a stiff smile and awkwardly made my way to my table, dumping my bag on the table not caring if the contents would start spilling on the floor. There was nothing interesting in my bag anyway.

As much as I would have wanted to slouch, I couldn’t. I was sitting on a metal stood therefore the action of leaning and/or slouching did not exist. Actually it did but then I would have to face the consequence of looking like a toad in the middle of the class.

I propped myself up on one elbow and listened to our teacher drone on and on about the mass of the earth and its gravitational pull. I kept my eyes straight on and listened carefully to each and every word. If my grades dropped my parents are sure to question about what’s been going on and in no way will I ever admit that’s it’s because of two boys who I am constantly worrying about.

I dug my hand inside my bag and retrieved a new-ish notebook with little scrawls. I flipped it open and started taking down notes since that’s what I usually did. Writing notes seemed obligatory but no one said it had to be neat and proper. When I write notes, it would be accompanied by various drawings that might not make sense to any other person in the world.

It seemed as though the pen came alive in my hand, like it had a mind of its own. My eyes took quick glances at the board then it would come back to the notebook I had. After a while, I sighed in contentment knowing that I have captured all the vital details I needed about this particular lesson.

The bell rang again signaling lunch, the most wanted subject of all. All of us started to pack up that is until his voice rang in our ears again.

“And don’t forget to do an advance study on ballistics for a quiz next week!” He called out to us. As if on cue, every single one of us groaned and grumbled as we went out of the room.

Okay, now I have three dilemmas. Now I have to study too and knowing that, I’ll have less time to be in contact with the outside world…as if I was ever in contact with them at the very least.

I trudged out of the room, looking down at my feet all the way to the caf where in I would see Laura telling me to smile and probably Jared who would crack up some jokes in hopes of making me feel better. It’s been three obnoxious days of me moping around like a fat cat. I doubt they want to see another scowl on my face ever again.

Of course that didn’t last long because the minute I was one meter away from the cafeteria doors, I felt someone link their arm around mine. I looked up with a jolt, preparing to smack the life of the person away. I didn’t like it when people snuck up on me.

I already had my stance on but then I realized it was Pat, that guy who rambled on and on about cupcakes. I relaxed a bit and wondered why Pat was even linking arms with me. Weird.

“Hey Isa!” He half screamed in my ear. I gave a nervous smile and glanced down at our arms.

“Um…hey Pat.” I replied, still not getting the reason why our arms were like…connected. He didn’t get the signal though because he continued to link arms with me all through out our walk in the cafeteria. People stopped staring at me which was kind of a good thing. I was too much of a mess to be worth looking at.

“How are you?!” I wasn’t sure if he was screaming over the noise of if he just wanted to scream. I shrugged and debated on whether I should tell him the truth or not.

“Great!” I yelled over the noise. Lie.

Pat scrunched up his nose as he made his way through a group of freshman giggling like a bunch of school girls. Oh wait they are a bunch of school girls. I am officially losing my mind.

They seemed to find the thought of Pat coming over quite delightful. I rolled my eyes as we passed them, resisting the urge to gag. Why would I gag though? I mean it’s normal for girls to feel jittery over a guy but they had to control themselves. Oh snap I feel like I’m describing my current situation over John.

I thought Pat was going to bring me to John’s table or rather their table but once I saw him overlook it I knew something was up. This cheerful boy wanted something from me and I wasn’t quite sure if I will be able to give it to him. Despite ignoring the table, I couldn’t resist but stare at it was we passed, looking for any familiar faces and by that I mean John and/or Garrett. I needed to clear some things up with them.

In a matter of minutes, we reached the table where in Laura sat alone munching on one of her sandwiches. She looked up from what she was eating and instantly beamed when she saw me and I swear her smile got bigger when she saw Pat. I rolled my eyes when her gaze landed on our linked arms. She suddenly had a smug look on her face.

“Hey Pat!” Laura said cheerfully. Then she turned to me her mouth still smiling but her eyes said otherwise. They clearly showed that she was still puzzled over why I was feeling so…so demoralized. “And hello Ms. Frowny Pumpkin.”

“Is that your new nickname?” Pat chirped as he sat down across Laura and I. Somewhere along the way Laura pulled my arm motioning for me to sit beside her. I obliged knowing that if I don’t, she’ll just snap later on and I would have to suffer her annoying words.

“No.” I replied quickly while casting a glare in Laura’s direction. “My nickname shall always and forever be Isa.”

“Oh.” That was all Pat could say before he reached inside the brown paper bag, taunting the two of us on what his lunch would be.

Laura’s sandwich was suspended in mid-air while the apple I was holding was being deformed due to my constant biting. Wonder of all wonders he had a cupcake once again. Laura was practically drooling over it but I nudged her and she got the message. I turned back to Pat who was hastily eating his cupcake all the while looking at his usual table. Very weird indeed.

I was really curious why Pat was here with us. Not that I didn’t enjoy his presence I just found it really odd why he was here. Usually Jared or Garrett was the ones who sat with us. And the ones who are able to tolerate how abnormal the two of us are.

“So…” Laura started, finally eating more of her sandwich. I rolled my eyes and bit more into my apple.

“What do you need?” I said with the chunks still in my mouth. Now it was Laura’s turn to nudge me but I didn’t get the message. Why did I have to act so lady-like in front of Pat? I mean he’s…he’s Pat! No need to be ashamed.

“W-well…” He started, stuttering over his words. I found it cute though, he was like Garrett in some sort of way. They both stutter.

“You see, Garrett’s been acting weird these few days…”

“Do tell.” I muttered. Why did Garrett snap at me at the party? Also why was he deliberately avoiding me? Well it seemed as if he was avoiding me. I haven’t seen him in…what three days? I guess you could say he’s been avoiding me unless you want to think that he’s being a profound idiot who is recklessly ignoring a certain girl who has no fucking clue as to what is going on. Now that I think of it, the latter is much better.

Pat fumbled with his fingers before swallowing whatever was in his mouth. He gave a soft stare which instantly melted both our hearts. This boy is too cute to be judged at. I wasn’t judging him though.

“Lately he’s being really moody…” He trailed off and I swear he looked at me dead in the eye. I stiffened in my seat. Did I have something to do with it? With how’s he’s acting? Laura felt me stiffen and gave me a curious glance, one that I ignored. “And I was wondering if you girls know why?”

I snapped out of my reverie and shrugged. Like I said he’s been the one avoiding me and I have no idea how he’s been doing for the past few days. Also if Pat thinks that we had anything to do with it, I can proudly say that I am nothing but a simple bystander who is concerned for her friends.

“And why are you telling us this?” I asked slowly. He shut his mouth and scratched the back of his neck nervously. Laura snickered quietly while I stared at them dumbly.

“W-well uh...” He started, unsure of how to finish his sentence. Laura took this as an opportunity to laugh out loud and clap her hands together like a seal. I gave her a confused look but she shook it off.

“Pat, are you discreetly telling us that Garrett is…?”

“Garrett is what?” I asked. I don’t understand a single thing. Laura groaned and corrected herself.

“I mean telling me that…you know. Isa here is too dense. I’m sorry.” She said in a remorsefultone which made me roll my eyes. I looked back to Pat who had a shy look on his face, nodding slowly. Laura clasped her hands together like she won the jackpot. “I knew it. Damn Isa, you are so…slow.”

I hugged and slapped her arm. She gave a yelp and glared at me. I turned to Pat who just looked at us in amusement. “Yeah…w-well Isa, did a-anything happen at the party?”

I slouched at my seat and sighed. No point in hiding it anymore. I’ll just go ahead and skip to the part where in Garrett got PMS and somehow trampled all over my feelings.

“Well, things were going pretty good that is up until Garrett went all period-y on me.” I started, frowning at the memory. Laura snorted at my statement and I knew what was on her mind. Period-y is a weird word.

“I just danced with this British guy and—“

“Hold up you danced with a British guy?! Why didn’t you tell me any of this?!” I sent Laura a glare which shut her up eventually. I rolled my eyes and played with my apple. It was actually nice dancing with Quinn and it wasn’t half bad but what came after kind of pissed me off at the same time making my brain solve one difficult problem which is Garrett.

Pat raised his eyebrows and he shuffled uneasily. “Oh…I see.” He mumbled and then his gaze shifted to where he usually sat at. I followed his gaze and for the first time in such a long while, I saw Garrett eating his lunch with a few other people. His head was hung low and he barely glanced at those who talked to him. Someone’s in a bad mood.

I snapped my attention away from him and back to Pat who was nodding like he finally got the answer to some unsolved question. Well good for him because I was still stuck on figuring out two things, rather people. Garrett and John.

“Yeah…so I danced with him and then he started acting all pissed and all. It’s weird. He’s never pissed at…girls in general.” I mumbled to no one in particular. I propped myself up on one elbow and tapped my chin, at the same time eating the apple.

Pat nodded once again while Laura bit her lip, looking down at her food. She started making swirly patterns on the table and sighed before looking at me with sad grey eyes.
“Isa, when you grow up I hope you become…more understanding.”

“What?” She just sighed and went back to Pat who started talking about cupcakes. Again. This time Laura had something to tell him, which are muffins. They got too caught up with their conversation that they even noticed me. I huffed and ate the last of my apple, not wanting to bother their conversation about baked goods.

I sat there for around five more minutes with nothing to do when I finally couldn’t take it. I’d rather sit in the library for the remainder of my lunch time than listen to these two talk about sweets. I’m sorry but I’m not in the mood for it. I gathered my stuff and stood up slowly. Laura stopped talking and raised her eyebrow inquisitively. I shrugged and opened my mouth to speak.

“I’ll just go to the…uh library.” I said and walked out of that place. Laura said nothing while I felt Pat stare after me. I rarely left the table and I guess it must have shocked Laura a bit.

The cafeteria was still noisy which hurt my ears. I didn’t bring my iPod which sucks. Sighing with my head hung low, I crossed the tables with freshman happily talking about guys and their dates. I silently cursed them for having a good life while I was having a bad one. Well, I have a bad life as of the moment.

Without realizing it, I walked by Garrett’s table. Turns out he looked more of a wreck than I did. His hair was sloppier than me and so are his clothes. His plaid shirt looked as if he worn it three times this week which was most likely. There were dark circles under his eyes and he cheeks looked swollen…or was that just my imagination. If we stood next to each other I would look more normal than he. I felt a scowl come up to my lips and I sighed. First he was mad as fuck and now he’s a total wreck. Question is why?

I didn’t realize I was staring at him when he looked up and his striking blue orbs met mine. I gasped and immediately dashed out of the cafeteria. He was mad at me and and…wait a second why did I go out scared and nervous? I shook my head and looked back at his table but he was gone. I snapped my fingers knowing that I was too late and I’ll never know if I have another chance of seeing him.

I dragged myself to the library, feeling more degraded and disappointed at myself for being a scaredy cat and for not being so straightforward. The library was only a few steps ahead of me and I calmed down a bit. The library was a nice place. It helped me calm down and think of the more important things in life… wait didn’t Mom mention something of a sleepover at John’s? I stopped in my tracks and slapped myself awake. Shit I forgot about that. I wonder who’s invited? But what I really want to know is if John was… okay with me going over. I mean, lately thing’s got awkward I guess and I really haven’t seen him and that almost kiss is still bothering the hell out of me. If only I could ask—

“John…” I stopped in my steps. I know that voice! Actually I don’t. I just know that she’s one of those girls in my Physics class. I don’t know her name but she liked to talk a lot. Why was she saying John’s name?

And that’s when I saw them.

That girl was pressed against John’s lanky frame while his mouth was attached on her mouth. No wonder she wasn’t talking. I gripped my bag tighter and jumped to the nearest cover spot there was. Their kissing sounds were too loud for my ears. I bit my lip and breathed in and out. I wasn’t going out of this situation any time soon. I should be angry at him but you know what I felt? I was in pain. My chest was being squeezed my some unknown force while my lip trembled. I’m a wreck, I know that but the fact that I’m hiding because I can’t bear to see my one true crush kissing some girl in the corridor seemed low. I’m his best friend. I have the right to make fun of him while he’s doing it because really, I can do that but right now I can’t. I don’t know but I just can’t.

And so I sat there near the corner, a hand clamped over my mouth to muffle my dry screams of pain and irritation. Lately questions have been coming in and out of my mind these days. At least now I know one thing. That almost kiss had no meaning. I bet he only did that because he felt like he should do it…to make the moment last more. I bet he also did that just so I can forgive him right away. That good for nothing best friend of mine actually made me hope for something. I slammed my fist on the wall and whimpered in pain. I shouldn’t have done that. I shook my head and sighed. I will not give him the satisfaction of making me cry. No. I won’t cry over something so frivolous.

I sulked there in the corner unable to move an inch. I listened to them make out for like fifteen minutes before they finally stopped. I heard their footsteps down the hall but I still couldn’t move. I breathed in and out, trying to calm my nerves down at the same time trying to ease the pain in my chest. Second time he’s acting like a total douche and I just had to be there to hear it all.

I clutched my bag nearer to my chest and rocked back and forth, waiting for the final bell to ring so that I could get up and go to my classroom. I don’t know how long I sat there, staring into space when Laura came along. She was laughing and smiling with Jared when she saw me crouched near a corner looking quite devastated. One look was all it took for her to detach herself from Jared to approach me. Jared didn’t see me though which was a good thing. A really good thing.

“Isa? Isa! Isabelle Thames what happened?!” She shook my shoulders while I continued to stare into the distance. How does one boy affect me so much?

I looked up to see her worried grey eyes looking right at me. I shrugged and stood up, brushing the dirt off my jeans. I was expressionless. I felt really numb and I don’t know what to do. Laura linked our arms together and told me encouraging things. I had a feeling she knew it was about John but she didn’t say anything about him.

The whole way to the next class was silent. She didn’t talk anymore and I wasn’t going to. In the midst of being quite dubious the sleepover came into my brain which made me want to scratch my eyeballs out.

Oh joy. John and I in the same house. This will be interesting.