Right From the Start

I never thought that John would ever find a place like this in Arizona.

What are the odds of finding a hill that overlooked the town and gave you a perfect view of the night sky? I could tell you, it’s already hard finding a hill in these parts.

John picked me up at my house a little over an hour ago. As you can see, the place was a bit far but I wasn’t worried of getting raped by John or getting killed. I could pretty much kick his ass if ever he decided to do something against me. He was still feeling bad over the party thing and I doubt he’d make a bad move.

I was still standing in awe while John chuckled right beside me, his knuckles grazing over mine. I had the urge to just reach for his hand and let our fingers intertwine but I might get too ahead of myself. The smile on my face was sure to get the best of me.

“You like it?” John asked softly beside, afraid that I might scream at him. Well that could happen but the eerie silence was a bit comforting.

“I love it,” I breathed.

I could feel him relax right beside me. After a few more seconds of me standing there taking in the breathtaking view, he gently pulled my hand and led me to a medium sized blanket. I didn’t notice it was even there in the first place. I guess I was too mesmerized by the view to even focus on the simplest things.

John took a seat first and patted the spot next to him. I was reluctant but I didn’t know why. Maybe it was because the thought of actually sitting that close to him got to my nerves or I was still hung up on the fact that I’m still mad at him. He didn’t let me think about it though because the next thing I knew, his hand reached for mine and pulled me down. Due to the force of gravity and his miscalculations on where I was supposed to land, my forehead collided with his causing both of us to grunt in pain.

“Ow.” I mumbled while glaring at him. He just laughed it off while rubbing his forehead, clearly amused. “You did that on purpose didn’t you?” I muttered, sitting down on the comfy blanket.

He shook his head and reached for a bottle of water from this basket he brought. “Did you really think I’d ever hurt you?”

I rolled my eyes as he handed me the water bottle. You've already hurt me a lot of times John.

“Whatever,” I replied, gazing at the night sky above us. I took a sip from my water bottle and continued staring, not knowing what to say to him. I heard him sigh and nudge me. I gave him a curious glance, raising my eyebrows.

“I’m really sorry Isa,” he said softly, avoiding my eyes. He was too busy looking at the stars to face me. “I’m sorry for being such a dick in the party. I really truly am.”

“I forgive you,” I said, giving him a weak smile. “And I’m sorry too. I probably avoided you much more than I’m supposed to and—“

“Nonsense.” John scoffed. “I deserved it. I’m pretty much blessed to have a best friend like you. You gave me a second chance and that’s a lot for me.” He turned to me, weakly smiling back at me. I don’t know why, but my heart ached that he just calls me his friend. That’s probably all I’ll ever be to him: his best friend. I just turned back at the stars, flattered by his comment despite that.

We sat in silence for God knows how long, just keeping our gaze up at the stars. I recognized the constellations the stars were forming, and I could tell John could too. Before high school, we actually took the time to study about astronomy, since stargazing had become an occasional activity for us. We’d do that in his backyard, just like the day we met. Sometimes we would wish that we would have some sort of telescope that could magnify our view of the not twinkling “stars” in the sky, which we knew were actually planets. Once, we saw a shooting star and made our own wishes.

“Ugh, my neck’s getting stiff,” John complained, bending his neck from side to side. I laughed it off and we eventually lied down because my neck was starting to stiffen up too.

John was now occasionally glancing at his watch. Which is weird, because John doesn’t wear watches. Just for now, he was.

“What time is it?” I asked, out of curiosity.

“10:40.” My mom didn’t tell me to get back home by a certain time for tonight. She definitely saw how much John offended me during the party and heard about what he did, so basically she’s helping John make sure that by the end of today, things would be like they used to be. And besides, she knows our habit to stargaze once in a while.

“Hey, you’re not feeling sleepy yet, are you?” John asked, after a while.

“Yeah, I’m not. Why?”

“Oh, nothing. Just make sure you warn me if you’re about to drift off to sleep,” he said. I shot him a questioning look but he ignored it.

Honestly, now looking at John’s character, I’d question the fact that he appreciates astronomy and stuff like that. I mean, he was popular and all, and I don’t know, if I just met him now, I wouldn’t think at all that he’d be interested in this.

John took another look at his watch and I notice him smile.

“Hey Isa, make sure you keep your eyes open,” John said, excitement in his voice.

“Are we waiting for something?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the starry night sky, taking in his warning.

“Yeah. Well, actually not. Not anymore,” he said, turning his head at me, giving me a wink and then quickly looking back up again. Before I could reply, as if on cue, a ball of light flashed and sped through the sky, with its tail of light. And just then I realized that we were witnessing a meteor shower.

I sat up straight away and my mouth was left agape. My eyes followed each falling meteor, a sense of amazement washing over me. They looked like falling stars. I so badly wanted to make a wish but this was different. You can’t make a wish on a falling meteor.

At first you might have mistaken them as a rocket or something since it’s like a…ball of light. I’m not talking about death here I’m just saying as it is. Then it exploded into tinier meteors and god, I can’t help but love John even more. Each meteor left a trail of light, which only made me realize the saying ‘they come and go’ because these meteors will hit the ground and the next thing you’ll know is that you might be tripping over it. Hell I don’t even know what I’m saying.

They were slow. The way they ‘fall’ from the sky that is. My eyes watched each one drop from the sky and felt a wave of sadness. Once the ‘falling’ part was over, people would just treat them as debris or something once they land. Sometimes, people only like things because they’re pretty to look at. Once that prettiness or glamour is gone, they’ll treat them as trash. Completely useless.

I heaved a sighed and tucked my knees closer to my chest. I titled my head and followed the meteors as they crashed down to earth. John was oddly quiet beside me, not talking at all which is slightly weird because he loves droning on and on about these things. I peeked at him and caught his olive green eyes staring not at the sky, but at me. That alone made the butterflies in my stomach erupt into a frenzy.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, feeling a wee uneasy. He chuckled nervously and looked back to the meteors.

“I wanted to see your reaction,” he mumbled and then gave me a soft smile.

Thank you John, for making me feel giddy without trying. I rolled my eyes even though my heart told me to just giggle and suck it up. If I did giggle and smile brightly that would just give some sort of sign and I don’t want John O’Callaghan to notice my feelings any time soon. I’m not ready for that yet.

“Sure you did,” I mumbled back and smacked his arm. He laughed it off and in a matter of seconds; I felt his arm around my shoulders. If it wasn’t so dark out I bet he could see the blush creeping up my cheeks. I could feel my heart beat faster and faster and the last thing I needed was to get sent out of the hospital with a case of “my heart went out of my ribcage” scenario.

“What are you doing?”

“Hugging you?” He replied dumb founded. I rolled my eyes and squirmed a bit.

“I don’t really call this a hug John,” I said matter of fact. This time he rolled his eyes and lightly punched me on the shoulder.

“You’re so picky.” I scoffed and looked at him. The meteor shower was still ongoing and then again, he started staring at me. The comeback quickly died down in my throat when I started to realize that his green eyes were coming closer and closer.

Of course I panicked about the situation. I mean, how would you feel if your best friend slashes crush starts leaning towards you while a fucking meteor shower takes place? I don’t know what was happening really but two things were clear. One, he’s still coming closer and so was I. Two, we weren’t drunk so I’m sure we know what we’re doing but still.

Our lips were about to touch when a fucking phone rang through the night. As if on cue, both of us jumped back. A cloud of awkwardness was hanging over us and I’m pretty sure it was going to rain tension all night.

“Uh…you better go answer that,” John choked out. I nodded and reached for my phone. So it was my fault. Did I really want that kiss to happen or not? The mere thought of John actually kissing me was nerve wrecking at the same time I couldn’t help but feel curious and dismayed. My stomach was feeling queasy and my heart, dear god I might have ended up in the emergency room if the kiss did happen.

I stood up and walked away from John. If this was Laura and she asks me about John and he was there you could just imagine the shit that would happen. “Hello?” I breathed.

“Isa? Honey are you half-aware of the time?!” She said. I loved my mother to bits but sometimes her constant phone calls ruined perfectly good moments.

“Um…” My mind was still wrapped around the fact that John almost kissed me and everything was getting hazy. I rocked back and forth for a while, watching the meteor shower. John was lazily sprawled on the blanket, staring at the night sky above.

Girls at school always babbled about how hot John looked in a tank top and skinny jeans and the way his smirk could cure cancer, which will not. That’s not possible but I can’t deny about him being hot though. It’s just that I prefer seeing John with disheveled hair and tattered jeans with a solemn look on his face rather than dealing with the playboy everyone in our school knows. He has acquired the title after the party which was no surprise.

I heard my mom groan on the other line. I could just imagine her rolling her eyes and snapping her fingers. “It’s almost 11: 30! Isa I know you’re with John but you have to get home by midnight.”

“Why?” I see no reason why I have to go home.

“We’re going somewhere tomorrow.” She replied but there was uneasiness in her voice.

“Where exactly…” I trailed off. I was going to hate her answer. I’m sure of it.

She sighed. “Well you know your cousin Lily is turning eighteen tomorrow and she’s having this party…”

“Oh my god.” I muttered, burying my face in my hand.

“I’m sorry dear but I really think a good night’s sleep would help you tolerate the occasion. Please come home alright? Oh! Also tell John that I’m okay with you sleeping over at his house next Saturday.” Sleepover? Wait hold up just a second I never recalled having a conversation with John over a sleepover.

“Wait mom—“

“I’ll see you later Isa!” And then she dropped the call. She didn’t even clarify that slumber party thing whatever. Sleepover. What is happening to my life? I groaned and shook my head. I placed the phone back inside the pocket of my jeans and went back to John who was anxiously waiting for me. I didn’t sit down which only caused him to scowl. Well it wasn’t that obvious but I almost knew everything about him so…

“I have to go,” I mumbled, fumbling with my hair.

“Oh uh okay,” he replied. He got up and dusted his jeans. He started to roll up the blanket and fix all the other things. I told him I could help but he politely declined telling me a girl doesn’t have to get her hands dirty. I snorted at his remark and he flicked me off. It was like the almost kiss never happened. I don’t know if I should feel happy or offended by it.

He tucked in the blanket in his arms and we went down the hill. There was still this awkward tension between us and I’ll never know if it’ll go away completely. I have mixed emotions right now therefore causing me to not entirely dwell on the thought of John almost kissing me.

I had to attend a party. There was also a sleepover. John almost kissed me. John O’ Callaghan the fifth almost kissed me. I had to admit the last one took up most of my mind.

We silently went back to the car and he started the engine. I don’t know how long it’ll take for us to get back home but I was getting sleepy. I had been stressing over John and our friendship too much and here I am getting tired.

I shifted in my sit for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable. I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly. It was a good thing the windows weren’t down or else I would have lost a head. I leaned on the window and let my mind drifted off. I would have asked John about the sleepover but my eyes wouldn’t open and my mouth was dry.

I was already half-asleep when my mind started to conjure up phrases. I think it did or John might actually be saying them but I wasn’t 100% sure if John even said these words. It might be my hopeless romantic thinking that caused me to imagine him saying it because I could hardly imagine him saying it.

“Please don’t leave me again, Isa.”