A Beauty in Disguise

I sat on my bed, too scared to look out the window or leave the house, I've become a prisoner in my own home, my skin, memories; and the ever changing guy stood outside my window watching, staring, waiting.
Even my skin is a reminder of the hell that I'm living in.
The worst thing is that I'm suffering through it all alone. Mum and dad have taken Rose away for a cruise in the Mediterranean so I'm on my own,oh but if only I was. One day in your life you'll realise its not worth it anymore.
I Leant over to my bedside table and grabbed my jotter and began to write... You wake up and realize your life's not your dream,
You hate where you're headed,
You just wanna scream.

You put on your makeup,
It's your own secret mask,
So people can't see you,
They just look right past.

So slap on your war paint,
Be who you're not
'Cos life is a stage,
But an actress you're not.

You look at your life
Don't like what you see
You don't wanna live,
Wanna die like me.

You envision your funeral,
Empty and dead,
Like you feel right now,
But it's all in your head.

People do talk,
And it has been said,
You've got the funeral feeling,
For you want to be dead....

***
By this point the tears are freely falling down my face, "I knew Chris never really liked me, I knew he liked her, but I never really knew just how bad her life had become, she rarely spoke to me at this point, just stayed locked in her room, silent." i put my head in my hands still sobbing as i cursed to myself.
"The angel, girl, sister I knew, the person that lit up my days was slipping away from me and I never saw it, I didn't pay any attention!" I choked out, my tears dripping into the pages of the journal leaving little circular watermarks on the page.
I turn the page in hope that soon I will fully understand.
***