I'll Wait 'til The Doors Are Closed

His annoying high pitched voice almost made her ears hemorrhage. she hated it when he tried to make her speak. She hated it when he made her speak especially when she was in her worst states. Did she look that bad for him to make her tell him about whatever she is feeling right now? I don't think so. She has always been so good at hiding her feelings from him. she had sweet nothings to say. she has got a few empty meaningless words that should never ever escape her dry throat. Even if she had something to say, would he stay until she's done? No, he won't. cause what she might say is going to break the only thing they shared. It will break it into tiny billion pieces. They will be incapable of mending it. Just like that heart shape frame he gave her when they first met. she couldn't mend what's left of it.

"speak…"

She looked away. Afraid to meet his questioning baby blue eyes. She's not willing to speak. She'd rather keep it all inside her beating heart. These beats are only reminders of something most of us are not aware of. she remember when he told her about the secret of the good life. She didn't take him seriously at that time. His words seemed nonsense to her back then. He told her to accept what is meant for them. Accept destiny's plan. Accept every tiny bit of good or bad things that are meant to happen. He told her to give up her selfishness and think about others at least for a minute or two. There was one question burning in her mind. "Why do we have to think about others?...screw them…I have enough problems to worry about." He remained silent for a few seconds then smiled. "Thinking about others makes the situation or the problem you are having a little less complicated. It makes the problem much smaller than it actually is." she got what he meant. We always make the problem bigger than it is. We like to make a big deal of every single fork sticks in our path. We like to complicate things. In fact, we enjoy making ourselves in pain. It became a good kind of entertainment to keep us away from the dull-sickening routine we live every day.

"Will you speak, please?"

His pleas cut off the memories she was recalling moments ago. She stared at their black dusty shoes while she was struggling to get herself together. she just realized how stupid, selfish, and fake everybody is. We're just bunch of living-dead who living in this material world. Why do people keep running after things they will never have? Why do young girls starve themselves to look 'beautiful and perfect' ? Why do others try to make everyone around them accept them? Why do we care about stupid things we are going lose someday? It wasn't making any sense to her now. After all, we're all going to die someday and we won't be carrying all these things to our graves with us, will we?

"I will listen. trust me."

As she closed her eyes, a stream of not so old memories started to flow in her mind. He kept repeating the same eight letter word over and over again.
Optimism…
She couldn't find it in her dusty Oxford dictionary; it was never there; not even in the lie she was living. Not even in her life…
She thinks he knows her. The truth is pretty disappointing. He never knew her. He never knew about all these hidden secrets she kept from him. He never knew… she needed some one to talk to and he was there all along yet, she was afraid to speak up. He hurt her unintentionally many times. Not his words, but his actions. She hated it when he stood helpless and careless while she was alone in a deep hole. she needed his support but he showed her nothing. No emotions No hugs. Just a vacant dead look.
But he changed for good. He's not that person anymore.

He has always told her that there's a light at the end of every tunnel. She didn't believe him. she still have some doubts. He says they need to stop ignoring the light and everything will be okay. "how can I ignore it if I can't even see it?" she finds it so difficult to believe any of this. "just tell me a bad person." she's another selfish human being indeed. That's what he thinks of her. A careless person who only cares about themselves. "We're too blinded by the sorrow of these horrible things that are happening to us to see the bright side…" his words felt like a warm blanket covering her on a cold December night. She would never forget these words of wisdom.
Never...