Playground Love

"Hello? Vic?", I say into the phone quietly. I get up from the bed and grab my shirt from the floor, trying to pull it on.
"Tony?", he says.
I finally manage to adjust my shirt on and walk to the door. I glance at Paloma, who's asleep, one last time before walking out. "Yeah, hey man..", I say as I shut the door behind me.
"Dude... Where the hell are you and Paloma? Where did you guys-"
"Look, man.. We're fine. Just- I need you do me a huge favor."
Vic sighs, I could imagine him rubbing his temples. "Drop your things off?"
"Unless I could go back to the house and pack 'em up myself?"
He let's out a laugh. "Not an option."
I take a seat on the couch and sigh. "Thought so. I just need some clothes- nothing big at all. Just clothes."
"Alright, Mike and I will go and pack up your things. Text me your address."
"Thanks Vic.. I will." A second of silence, but I can't help but ask, "And... how's- how's Jaime..?"
Vic stays silent for a little, then chuckles once. "How do you think? When you two left.. He broke down. At first he was furious, threatening to go after you.. Then he just- he broke down. He hasn't come out of his room since."
I put my head in my free hand and rub my face. "Fuck.", I mumble.
"He's more hurt, than angry.", Vic murmurs. "He just wants Paloma back."
"He could have still had Paloma! But he's so fucking irrational, Vic!", I yell, standing up. "He didn't even give us a fucking chance!", I whisper loudly, remembering that Paloma and Alan are still asleep.
"She's his sister, man. How would have felt if the situation was in reverse?"
I walk to the kitchen table and take a seat on one of the chairs, letting that sink in. I can't say anything else after that, because he's right. If it was the other way around...
"Look, text me your address now. We'll talk later."
"Alright, alright."
"Okay, Tone. See yah soon."
"Yeah, bye."
I hang up and once I'm done texting him the address, I throw my phone on the table, then put my head in my hands. It seems like fighting for Paloma is just getting harder and harder. There's the guilt, getting settled into a new apartment, then the band.. And Jaime.. How am I supposed to face Jaime? I can't just avoid him- what'll happen when we go off on tour? Tour.. Fuck, what about Paloma??
I groan and stand up, then lean against the kitchen counter. This is so hard. My life wasn't this complicated before, my life use to be pretty fucking easy just a couple of months ago. Yeah, I had a girlfriend who was cheating on me, but that's nothing compared to what's going on right now. I didn't expect it to be this difficult.
I'm starting to doubt almost everything. I'm starting to doubt that things will be okay. I'm starting to doubt that we'll be okay. I'm even starting to doubt if Paloma is even worth it..
Before that doubt gets any bigger, I go back into our room and lay down next to her, pulling her warm body close to mine. I take in her scent and shut my eyes. She wraps her arms around me and I kiss her head.
She's worth it, she's worth it.., I say to myself.

~

"Eggs?", Alan asks me. I set my glass of orange juice down and stand up, walking to the stove.
"That's okay- I'll make them myself. Thank you.", I say and grab the frying pan, placing it on the already hot stove. I crack two eggs into it. "Tone- huevos?", I ask. He looks up from his phone and grins.
"Por favor?", he says, trying to pull off the Spanish accent.
I laugh and crack two more into the pan. "Sure thing."
As I mix them around, breaking the yolk, there's a knock on the door. Tony stands up.
"Um- I'll get it."
I'm too focused on the eggs cooking and crackling to see who's entering the house. Until I hear Alan greet, "Los Fuentes Brothers!"
I snap my eyes up from the pan. What? I turn off the stove and place the eggs onto a plate, then walk out of the kitchen.
Sure enough, the Fuentes Brothers stand there, greeting and smiling. They give Alan and Tony one of those 'bro shakes' and then their eyes meet mine.
"Palomita! Hey girl!", Mike says and walks to me. I pull him in for a hug, I thought I wasn't going to see him again for a while.
"Mike!", I say happily. He laughs and kisses my cheek before pulling away. Vic comes up next to me and puts his arm around me.
"Paloma! What's up?", Vic says happily. I'm shocked that they're treating me like nothing had ever happened.
"Vic! Hey! What are you guys doing here? How did you.."
"Tony gave us the address. We have his shit.", Mike says.
I nod and Vic claps his hands together. "Yup. It's all in my car. Were you guys having breakfast?"
"We could eat after we bring the things in. Come on.", Tony says walking out the door.
I walk out with Vic, Mike, and Alan to Vic's car. Vic opens up the trunk, revealing boxes and suitcases of Tonys things.
"Paloma- it's cool baby, go back inside and eat. We got this.", Tony says and tickles my back.
I nod and walk back inside. I grab another plate from the counter and place half of the eggs I made on it, then sit down on the kitchen table to eat.
The boys come in, boxes in their arms and suitcases in their hands.
"Down the hall-", Tony says leading them down the hall with two boxes in his arms.
A couple more trips later, the door shuts and Vic, Mike, and Alan flop down on the couch.
"Tony, come and eat.", I say and serve him his eggs.
He takes a seat and starts to eat up his eggs, which he covered in Tapatio sauce.
I watch as he eats his eggs fast paced, obviously this boy is starving. He hasn't eaten until now. I stand up and decide to go sit with Mike and them in the living room.
"Right 'ere, Palomita!", Mike says and makes some room for me in between him and Vic. I smile and flop down, leaning my head on his shoulder.
My heart starts to beat faster as I think about asking them about my brother. I can't get myself to do it, so instead I decide to to ask about Angie. Who's just as important as Jaime.
"Mike?", I ask, looking up at him. He takes his attention away from the tv which is playing one of the Jackass movies.
"Palomita?"
"H-how's Angie...?", I ask and look down.
Mike pats my shoulder. "I bought her the bus ticket back home. She's probably already in her house."
I nod, relieved. "Good, thank you."
He nods. "I'm sure gonna miss her.", I hear him mumble.
Tony walks in the living room and walks to the sofa where Alan is sitting at, then sits next to him. He touches his stomach and sighs. "I'm so full. Whoa- what the fuck are you guys-", he says as he stares at the screen wide eyed. The part where one of the Jackass boys decides to shit on something pops up. "I'm gonna throw up-", Tony says and puts his head in his hands. We laugh and Vic changes it.
"Whoops.", he mumbles, laughing.
We watch the tv peacefully, Mike cracking up jokes along with Tony. Surprisingly enough, no one brings up the topic about Jaime. Thank goodness. I don't think I'm able to talk about that just yet without breaking down. Jaime's face before Tony and I drove off hasn't left me.
I quickly try thinking about something else.
Vic's phone goes off and he sighs as he stares at the screen. "I'll be right back-", he says and gets up, going outside. We all know who it is. The room goes silent.
Minutes later- Vic comes back.
"Mike, let's go.", he says and grabs his keys from the kitchen counter.
"What's the rush, bro?", he says looking back at him.
Vic shoots a quick look at me then looks back at Mike. "Um, It was Jaime.", he mumbles.
Mike simply nods and stands up. "Right. Guess we should go."
I stand up along with him and walk to Vic. "Why- what happened?"
Vic stares at me and sighs. "We just told him we went to go get him some food. We're obviously taking too long."
I nod and feel a hand on my waist, I turn and see Tony.
"Alright guys.. I'll walk you out.", he says and walks with them out the door, Alan following right after them.
I lean against the couch and look down, feeling the sadness sink into me. I wonder how he would feel if he knew that Mike and Vic went to come and see me.
I'm a horrible sister. Horrible, terrible, horrible. This was wrong, leaving. But else was there to do?! Jaime doesn't think with his head, but with his fist when he's angry. Thinking about Jaime hurting Tony again already makes me sick to my stomach. Thinking about Tony hurting my brother makes me hurt inside, too. Either way, I lose. I could leave Tony and go back home with my brother, but then I'll be hurting Tony and myself. I could stay with Tony and not go back to Jaime, but then I'll be hurting Jaime and myself. I won't win. Either way, I won't win. Jaime making peace with Tony isn't an option, obviously. I just can't see that happening.
Why am I even alive.
All I do is cause trouble. That's all I fucking do.
I feel the tears start to come, but before any spill out, Tony comes back. I quickly smile at him and shove all those thoughts away, knowing that when I lay my head down on that bed, they'll be chewing me up.
He grins and kisses my cheek. "I told Vic and Mike about what my plan is. He said that he'll just have to record my parts in private. Then... Touring.. We'll figure that out. Vic talked to your home school teacher already, you just have your two finals left and you'll be done. Vic will give the address to her and..." Tony explains to me, but my attention is lost in my own thoughts. I try my hardest to listen to him, but I can't.
Look at everything he's doing for me.
A new apartment? That's expensive. I have to find a job, ASAP.
Him having to record his guitar riffs in private? Way to fuck things up, Paloma.
Way to fuck things up.
"Hey?", he nudges me, snapping me out of my negative thoughts. I smile at him and nod. He squints his eyes at me. "What's wrong?", he murmurs.
I sigh and shake my head, walking to the kitchen. "Nothing. Everything will be okay, that's all.", I say hiding my face from him.
He walks to me and holds my hand. "As long as we have each other." he says, it comes out as a question.
I stare into his brown eyes, trying to find some kind of hope in them for myself.
I sigh and smile, nothing. "Yeah, as long as we have each other.", I say in monotone.
He stares at me for a long while, not buying the lies coming out of my mouth. "Paloma-", he starts until Alan comes up behind him.
"Ay, could you help me move something out from the garage? It's a drawer that you and Paloma could use.", he says, rubbing Tonys shoulders.
Tony stares at me for a second before nodding. "Alright."
I walk to the sink, starting up the warm water to wash the dishes.
They walk out and I shut off the faucet, then quickly run to the bathroom, locking myself in. Then- the breakdown comes.
I'm surprised as to how much was shoved deep in me. I didn't realize how bad this situation actually was.
I don't know how long I'm in the bathroom for, but I hear Tony and Alan come back inside the house. I look into the mirror and wave air at my eyes so the redness could fade away. Once I feel okay enough, I come out and smile at them.
Tony eyes me with suspicion, he knows me too well already. He could sense that something isn't right with me.
"Alright man- it's all yours.", Alan says as he sits down on the couch. Tony smiles and nods, then turns his attention to me.
"Help me unpack?", he asks grabbing my hand.
I fake out a laugh. "Do I have a choice?"
He chuckles. "Nope."
We walk into the room, Tony shutting the door behind him. I go for the two suitcases on the bed and pop them open. As I'm taking shirts and pants out, his hands grab mine. I look up at him, he's staring at me with a serious expression.
"Tell me what's wrong.", he says quietly.
For a second I panic, but then I shrug it off, grinning. "Nothing is wrong, Tony."
He doesn't budge. "I'm not stupid. I know how you are, now tell me."
"I said nothing is wrong, Tony.", I repeat harshly.
He's struck back by my tone of voice. "Seriously? Just fucking tell me Paloma, it's the only way-"
I pull my hands out of his hands and shut his suitcase. "You know what- unpack this shit yourself then.", I say and walk out the room. I storm into the living room and Alan looks up at me.
"What's wro-"
"Nothing!", I yell before walking out the door, already breaking down into tears.
Tony is doing so much for me, and I'm giving him nothing back. I'm not worth the fight, Tony. I'm so not worth the fight.

~

"Where did she go?!", I ask Alan.
He stands up and points to the door. "She just left, man. What's-"
"I'll be right back.", I murmur before heading out.
I jog out into the sidewalk and look up and down it until I finally see Paloma sitting down on the curb with her head on her knees. I run up to her and stand there, staring at her. I could hear her cry and I feel my heart break. This was so out of nowhere.
"Paloma?", I whisper out. She stiffens and slowly looks up at me, then quickly looks down to hide all her tears. "Paloma... baby...", I say and sit down next to her.
She starts to sob and I throw my arms around her, pulling her to my chest to cry. Her arms slowly wrap around me and she cries into my neck.
"It's okay, it's okay.", I whisper and hug her tightly. "We'll get through all of this, we'll get through it, Paloma."
She says nothing, she just cries and cries and cries as I hold her in my arms. She let's it all go, all those hard, strong sobs and tears. She clutches my shirt in her small fists and cries. I reassure her that things will be okay, that I love her, and that we will get through all of this. That her brother will eventually come around. If not now, then later on. But that he will.
"I know that things are hard now, that things seem impossible and overwhelming. All these doubts start to come into us and make us question if things are worth it, but let me tell you one thing, Paloma.." I pull away from her and lift her chin up so I could look at her. I wipe away all her tears before I speak again. She stares at me, her eyes already getting watery again. "They are. You're worth every struggle. I love you and things will work out. I don't care how hard it is, we'll win this. Then when we do, when Jaime comes around, when we have our little apartment, when we're all together and like a family again.. We'll be happy. You and me, Paloma, we're going to live our lives together, happily, forever and it'll be amazing." I say and hold her face in my hands. She starts to cry and I finally get a smile out of her. "We're going to get through this." I feel my eyes start water, but before I cry in front of her I pull her in for another hug. "Okay?"
She nods and I feel her kiss my neck. "Okay.", she says quietly, but confidently.
We pull away and I smile at her. "Okay then.", I smile.
I stand up, then help her up. I pull her to me and we walk back to the house hand in hand.
If she isn't strong enough right now, I'll be strong enough for the both of us. I'm not letting her go.

~

I found hope in his eyes again.
He's already asleep, I'm not. I scoot closer to him and softly kiss his cheek.
You're worth every struggle.
Though it'll take some time to believe that, I'll keep it in mind. Things definitely won't be easy, but they aren't impossible. Jaime will have to eventually come around. I'll make it up to him, somehow, some way, but I will.
I pull the covers over me and shut my eyes, attempting to fall asleep.
As I fade away into the nothingness, my brothers face on the day of me leaving appears once more, leaving that gap of sadness in me, once again...