Playground Love

Tony opens the door and I hold my breath, scared shitless to see who it is. To all of our surprises, it's someone I'm relieved to see. 
"Vic?", Tony says, confused. Vic looks at Tony then at me, then walks past him. 
"What just happened here- Jaime is going nuts over at the house.", Vic says, leaning against the couch. 
I glance at Tony, his mouth is a straight line. "That fucking-"
"Tony..", I murmur. 
He sighs and rolls his eyes. "Apparently, my dearest friend Jaime, told Stephanie about all of this. She came over and caused a stupid little scene."
Alan laughs. "She slapped you."
Vic and I turn to Tony, shocked. "She slapped you?!", I say and walk to up him. He shrugs. 
"It's no big deal-"
"Wow!", I yell out, pissed. She fucking slapped him? Seriously?
Vic nods, taking us away from the subject. "Yeah, Jaime mentioned that. He thinks you were cheating on Stephanie with Paloma."
"Is that why he was such an ass when we were talking on the phone?"
Vic looks up at him. "You guys spoke on the phone?"
"Okay-", I say and come in between Vic and Tony. "What has Jaime told you? What's he been doing?"
"Well, he didn't tell Mike and I about any phone call with Tony. He's been quiet all week long, actually. The only times he comes out of his room are to eat and to practice. But right now- he exploded. And the reason I came here is because he said he knows where you two are. Now, how the fuck did that happen?"
"I'm telling you man, it was Stephanie. Before I kicked her out, she threatened to tell him where Paloma and I were.", Tony says and rubs the back of his head. "I can't believe her.", he says shaking his head. 
Vic sighs. "Fuck. Well, he's on his way. At least I think he is... What are you two planning on doing?! He's furious!"
"I'm tired of running away from him..", I mumble. "He needs to get over it. Tony and I aren't separating.."
Vic stares at me, frowning. "This is turning into a really serious situation. Mike can't hold him down much longer over at the house... Paloma.. Tony..", he says and glances at Tony and I. "Is all of this really worth it?"
I look down. No, no.. Not Vic too. I don't need these doubts right now. I don't need this! 
"Of course it is!", Tony yells and grabs my hand. 
I look up, shocked. He stares at Vic sternly, then Vic nods. "I'm sorry.", he says. 
I look at Vic, all worn down. I imagine all the stress he's been through too. With this new album, a tour coming in soon, how he has to worry about Tony and Jaime not being able to see each other through it all... What am I doing?! I'm being so fucking selfish.. 
I've been putting Tony through stress, Vic, and Mike! And Jaime- Jaime is just.. Miserable because of all of this. 
None of this should have happened. Tony and I- it shouldn't have happened. 
That night when we kissed, it shouldn't have happened. That time in the store when we touched each other- it shouldn't have happened. Us having sex- it shouldn't have happened.
Us loving each other, it's not going to work out. 
All of my emotions drain out of me as I realize what I'm deciding. My heart feels like it's fallen out of my chest and onto to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. 
Tony shakes my hand and I snap out of my thoughts. 
"Are you listening?", he mumbles. I look at Vic, who's now talking on his phone. 
"W-what?", I stutter. 
"Mike said that he calmed Jaime down. It's okay..", he says with a grin. 
"I'll be there soon. Thanks bro.", Vic says, ending the call. He sighs and turns to us. "Alright, he isn't coming. For now. I have to head back, though. Mike is scared he'll change his mind and snap again."
Tony nods and pats his back. "Thank you, Vic. Thanks."
Him and Tony chat for a few seconds, and before I know it, Vic's arms are around me. "Take care, Paloma. Stay strong, alright girl? You and Tony got this."
I shut my eyes and hug him back tightly, feeling a certain pain in my heart because of what he said. "Thank you for everything, Vic. Thank you so much.", I say as desperately as I can. 
We pull away, he gives me a smile, and says his finals goodbyes to Alan and Tony before walking out. 

Tony pulls me into his chest closer, burying his face into my neck. His hands are wrapped into mine as they lay on top of my stomach. 
"Could I tell you a secret?", he mumbles in my neck. I giggle at the tickle of his breath. 
"Of course..", I say and turn my head up, so I could look at him. He props himself up on his his elbow and looks at me. "I was scared as fuck when that door bell rang..", he says quietly. 
I can't help but laugh. He glares at me and I lunge myself to him, kissing his lips. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to laugh, I was scared too."
He chuckles and kisses my cheek. We lay back down, this time on our sides. "Well.. What I was really scared of, was Jaime coming in and taking you away.. I don't know what I'd do if he did."
I stare at him, silent, not knowing what to say. 
"Things aren't going to be the same with Jaime and I.. And if he took you away, I might end up doing something crazy to him."
I shake my head and place my hand on his cheek. "Don't say that, Tony. You need to think about yourself first.. And the band. I know how much the band means to you, you can't let me get in the way.."
"You're not getting in the way at all."
"Tony..", I say and sit up. I sigh and stare down at my lap. I need to tell him, this needs to come out. "Ever since we started dating, things have just gone downhill. Everything is so complicated.."
Tony sits up and stares at me, serious. "Don't start, Paloma. We're doing great. We knew it wasn't going to be easy."
"I've ruined everything..", I say, just barley above a whisper. 
Tony grabs my arm and pulls me to face him. "Don't say that- you didn't ruin shit.", he says, staring into my eyes. 
I look down and sigh. "Tony.."
"Paloma, stop. Stop it, I don't want you to talk about yourself that way. You didn't ruin anything. Better yet, you've made things in my life better. With you, I'm way more than happy! It's like- everything shines bright when I'm with you. Everything is perfectly fine. We're going to get through this."
Instead of saying anything else, I nod and drop the subject. He doesn't need to know how much of a piece of shit I feel about all of this. He doesn't need to know how much I've ruined or how badly I'm getting in the way of everything. I could leave him without those thoughts floating in his mind..
"Okay?", he says, placing his hand under my chin. He lifts my face up so I could look at him. I nod and pull off a grin. 
"Okay..", I whisper. He smiles and pecks my lips before we lay back down on the soft bed. 
As I stare at the ceiling, an idea pops into mind. An extremely hard decision has to be made, fast. What is everyone gaining out of me?
Tony and I loving each other isn't a good enough reason to leave, but it isn't a good enough reason to stay... 
I've ruined so much. I've made so many things harder for him. Not only him, but the band, Jaime, Mike, and Vic. 
I don't deserve to be alive.
Tony nudges me and I quickly look at him. "Stop.", he murmurs. 
I crease my eyebrows. "Huh?"
"I don't know what's going on in that precious little brain of yours, but it needs to stop."
I chuckle and look back up at the ceiling. "Nothing.. Nothing is going on.", I lie. 
He lets out a breath and sighs. "Sure, you think I don't have you figured out by now. Hey... You know, it's been a while."
I chuckle at how quickly he changed the subject and glance at him and see him smirking at me. My heart aches at his perfect features. How am I supposed to leave him? It seems so impossible. 
"A while..? From what?", I ask jokingly. 
He raises his eyebrows at me and lunges in for a kiss. He puts his hand in the side of my face, playing with my ear. His body presses up against mine as he gets closer, leaving no space in between us. 
He pulls away, and I'm left gasping for air. 
"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.", he says in a deep voice before crawling on top of me. 
He's right, it has been a while. You'd think that because we live together and share the same bed, we'd be more active.. But no. The stress has gotten to us and by the end of the day, we just want to sleep. 
I shut my eyes as I feel his warm lips touch my neck and chest, then feel as his calloused fingers make their way into my pajama sweats. I try to hold onto every minute, every second, of this.
From the very first time we touched each other, till the last, I'll always cherish and remember it. 
And I'll especially miss it. 
A small moan escapes my lips as I wrap my legs around him and pull him closer to me. His left hand crawls back up to my neck, as his right tries prying down his boxer-shorts. Then, almost immediately, a moan escapes from both of our mouths, letting us enter complete and utter bliss, as he thrusts into me. 
His kisses seem more passionate than they usually are, his hands grab on to me tighter, and his thrusts are slow and steady. I can't help but feel like he knows the plan I've been making up in my mind, and that he's making every minute of this last as long as it could. His hair brushes on my forehead and I break away our deep kiss, calling out his name in a soft whisper as I feel myself starting to come to my climax. He digs his face into the side of my neck and gives it small kisses everywhere, also groaning and slurring out my name and words I can't seem to make out. 
How did I get so lucky? Why did he ever even choose me to be with? Out of all the hundreds of women, me; a simple teen girl who's barley entering women-hood and who has tons of issues, me? He could have had it so easy, too. Stephanie, she was ment for him. Not me.. 
Even my thoughts attack me during the best of my moments. 
As fast as they came, they leave, just as Tony starts to pick up his pace. I'm sent into oblivion as he does. My hands instinctively reach up and grab chunks of his sweaty, soft, hair as I start to cry out his name into the dark room. Hoping to god that Alan doesn't hear us, I try shutting myself up. My legs wrap tighter around him, occasionally slipping off because of the perspiration coming from our bodies. 
"I love you-", I could barley hear him say in-between lusty kisses. I tighten my grip on his hair and mumble a barley audible, 'I love you' back, as we both finish. 
He slowly comes to a stop and falls on top off me, breathless. I wrap my arms around him and run my hands up and down his back as we both try to get ourselves back to normal. After some seconds, he rolls off of me, quickly pulling me to him and kissing me. 
I don't want him to pull away, I don't want this night to end. I wish to stay on this bed, in this room, in his arms, for eternity. If this isn't heaven, I don't know what is. I want us to be like this forever. No stress, no big brother issues, no problems.. Just this. Him and I. Together. Just like this. 
"I love you, Paloma...", he whispers. I make eye contact with him. His cheeks are a light shade of red and there's trickles of sweat alongside his hair line. "More than anything.", he says deeply, staring into my eyes. 
I can't take the pain in my chest any longer, knowing that tomorrow, it'll all be over. I shut my eyes and lean my head against his chest. "Tony- Tony I love you too.", I mumble and kiss his chest. "So. Much..."
So much that I'm willing to let you go, to finally live the life you were once living. Without all the stress and problems. That's how much I love you, Tony. 
Tears swell up in my eyes but I hold them back, knowing that if I let them fall it'll blow my cover. And this perfect moment. 
He kisses the top of my head. "We have our whole lives ahead of us, with each other this time. Tomorrow I'm going to go record early with Vic and Mike at a friends house.. We're so close to finishing this new album. Everything is turning out great, Paloma. All with you alongside with me, now.", he says, my heart breaking once again. 
No, no, not with me, Tony. Not with me. You'll be happy without me. Just like how you were before I came in and fucked everything up. 
I don't say anything, I simply nod and kiss his lips one last time, before shutting my eyes. I slowly fall into unconsciousness as I feel his fingers run up and down my side, him murmuring sweet things to me. 
"Paloma, my sweet Paloma, our whole lives... Together. My little dove who will never fly away..."
Tomorrow morning, I'll be flying away for good. It's for the better. For the better of Jaime, Vic, Mike, the band... And especially for Tony. 
My dreams are filled with the man I love up all through out my night, as he runs his hands along my body.. 
For the last time.