Playground Love

"I love you...", he whispers and kisses my forehead for the last time before leaving the room. I try to hold on to the feeling of his warm lips against my skin, knowing that I won't be feeling that anymore for a long while, or even permanently. For his best, permanently..
The door shuts and I snap my eyes open, tears automatically filling up my eyes. No, I can't cry now. 
I hear as him and Alan chat for a little, then hear the front door slam shut. I wait a couple of seconds before getting up. The house is completely silent. I get up from under the warm covers and walk straight to the door, creaking it open. As expected, no one is here. Alan left for work and now my Tony has gone away to record. My heart aches as I realize that I won't be seeing him again. Last night was the last time, ever, for me to touch and feel his body, the last time I'll ever get to kiss him or hug him or even talk to him now. Tears start to fall and I do not stop them this time. I shut the door and face the messy bed. The covers are falling off to the side and the pillows are out of place, showing off last nights activities with him. 
I can't think of that now. I've made up my mind. This is the only way to make things right again. 
I've messed everything up. Literally, everything. Since the day I stepped into their lives, it's been nothing but hell. All those great times I had, I'll forever keep them with me. All those hugs, kisses, and sweet words from Tony, I'll never ever forget or let go of. But it's time to make a change for the best. Me out of the picture is the only way things will get right again.

I stare at my duffle bags, filled to the brim with my clothes. It seems like it's all repeating itself once again. First with my parents passing away, I moved in my with Jaime. Then, me moving out with Tony. And now, I'm leaving Tony and everyone else behind. Will this ever end? Will I actually, fully, be happy one day? Along with the people I love to be happy around with me? I don't think so. At this point, I have no hope. 
The first person I call is Mike. 
"Hello?", I hear him say. 
"Mike- it's Paloma.", I mumble. 
"Palomita!"
"Shh- who are you with?"
"No one. Vic and I are waiting for Tony to arrive so we could get started. What's up? Did Tone forget his sack of lunch?"
Even through the worst of times, Mike makes me laugh. "No, no. Not this time..", I chuckle, "I just wanted to ask you.. How much was that bus ticket you bought Angie?"
"Hmm..", he mumbles, thinking. "Well, to where she was going, about twenty."
I nod. "That's good."
"Why?"
I let out a sigh. "I just- I wanted to make sure.. It was a big deal for me that you did that. Maybe I could pay you back?"
He laughs. "Palomita, no. It was my treat! This was really random, is that why you called?"
"Y-yeah- that's why.."
"Don't worry about it! This was super random- oh, Tony just pulled up."
Time to go. "Okay. I'll let you go now!"
"Alright, Palomita. See yah!"
"Mike?"
"Huh?"
"Thank you for everything. I love you and Vic so much. Thank you."
He stutters out a laugh. "We love you too, Palomita. We always got yo back!"
"Alright then, bye Mike.."
"Bye P!"
And then I hang up. 
I have more than enough money for what I need. It'll be okay. 

I grab my bags and head out the door, taking one last look at the house. I drop my bags at the front door and decide to write a small note to Tony. Making sure to not make it too long, I might just breakdown and change my mind. 
It's for the best. I've caused nothing but trouble. Don't break your head over me anymore, I'm my own problem now. Be happy, live how you use to live again.. I will no longer be in the way anymore. 
Tell Jaime I'm sorry and that I love him. Tell Alan thank you for his generosity as well. 
I can't stress enough how much I love you, Tony, but I'm just not worth the struggle anymore. 
I love you- so much. Goodbye.
 Paloma
My hands are shaking as I drop the pen on top of the small notepad on the table. This is really happening. I'm really leaving right now. 
Before I change my mind, I grab my things, and walk out, without another look back. 

~

"I can't take a shot- it's barley nine in the morning!", I say to Mike. 
He scoffs at me. "It's like I don't even know who you are! Paloma changed you!"
I laugh and carefully set my guitar down, then walk to Mike. "I don't feel like drinking right now.", I shrug. 
He gasps. "You're not Tony. We've been here for two hours."
"I am Tony! Paloma is my new alcohol."
Mike laughs and throws down his shot. "Speaking of Paloma, she called me super early today."
I look at him, confused. "She did? Why? She was asleep."
He tilts his head. "Literally a minute before you got here the call ended. She asked me how much I paid for Angie's bus ticket. She wanted to pay me back."
I get even more confused and for some reason, I get a bad feeling about this. 
"What?"
"Yeah- it was weird."
"Alright Tony! Just one more and you're done for the day!", Vic says, poking his head in through the door. I shake off the subject of Paloma. That's just how she is. Really random at times. She's been wanting to pay back Mike anyways. "Alright man! I'll get right on that!", I say give him a thumbs up. 
Mike pats my back and starts to walk out the door. "Give it your all, Tone. Paloma's a-waiting!"
With that thought in mind, I pick up my guitar and get started, anxious to get home and possibly get a repeat of last night. 

"Alright guys, see yah later.", I say and wave goodbye to Vic and Mike. I get in my car and before driving off, I decide to give Paloma a quick call to see if she wants me to pick up anything to eat. No answer. That's weird..
She's probably in the shower or something, I'll pick up some McDonalds for her anyways. 

I grab the bag of food and walk to the door, pulling out the key to the house. I turn the knob and walk into the, surprisingly, silent house. Though I know Alan is at work, Paloma usually has some type of music bumping in the house when I come back. She hates the quiet. So it's weird when I hear nothing. 
"Paloma?", I call out and shut the door behind me. "Where you at, baby girl?"
I receive no answer. I crease my eyebrows in confusion and set the food down on the table, then quickly walk to our room. I push the door open and switch the light on. The bed looks exactly the same from how we left it last night. Except she isn't in it. Shower- right, maybe she's in the bathroom. That girl knows how to hide. I walk out of the room and knock on the bathroom door. 
Even though the light from the bathroom isn't on, I still call out, "Paloma?" I hear nothing. I open the door and see a dark, empty bathroom.
This is when I start to worry now. Panic hits me as I remember that Jaime knows where we live now. He must have come by and taken her! The anger shoots through my whole body and I run back to the kitchen, grabbing my phone, immediately dialing this bastard's number. 
He answers the call within three rings. "Tony-"
"Listen here, fucker, I know you don't approve of Paloma and I, but this is the last fucking straw! How could you just come in and take her away?! She's eight-teen- you can't just fucking do that!"
"What the fuck- Tony-"
"Give me Paloma back right now, Jaime! I fucking mean it, I love you man, after all the shit you've put Paloma and I through, I sill love you! But if you don't-"
"Tony! Tony- what the fuck are you talking about?! Paloma isn't-"
"Where is she?! Where did you send her?! I'll fucking kick your ass Jaime, I swear I will-"
"Tony, I haven't seen Paloma since she left with you!", he yells in a booming voice. 
My heart feels like it's sunk all the way down the ground, the soil consuming it all in one gulp. "W-what?", I stutter. 
"Paloma isn't with me! I don't know what you're- wait, she isn't with you?!"
I stare off into the distance, my mouth open. "N-no... She isn't.. She isn't with...", I trail off as I stare at the bag of McDonalds on the kitchen table. Under it, there's a notepad. 
"What do you mean she isn't with you? Where is she, Tony? What happened...", his voice fades away as I knock over the McDonalds bag and grab the notepad. I'm still holding the phone to my ear as I lift up the notepad to read the small message on it. 
My breathing is slow and steady, my heart slowly picking up pace as my mind starts to put all the pieces together. Jaime is still yelling over the phone- but I pay absolutely no attention to him as I'm reading this note word for word. 
Once I read through the note, my head feels light headed and everything around me feels like it went black. My phone slips out of my hand and tears start to run down my cheeks, sliding down my neck. 
"Tony? Tony are you there? Tony?!", I hear Jaime yell through the phone. 
In denial, I run back to our room. "Paloma?! Paloma!!", I yell out hopelessly. 
I walk to the closet and slide it open, forcefully. The tears flowing down even faster as I see that none of her clothes are in it. "Fuck- fuck! Fuck, no, no!!", I yell out. "Paloma!!", I yell and walk to Alan's room. "Paloma! Please! Please- where are you?! Baby- please!", I yell. I search the house, this stupid fucking small ass house, every corner, every inch of it. Knowing that I won't find her in here. I start to sob as I realize, as I accept, that she's gone. I feel like I can't breathe- but why am I still breathing? I feel like I can't move- but why am I walking around in this house searching for the girl I love who obviously isn't here?
I grab my phone from the floor, surprised to see that Jaime hasn't hung up. 
"What happened! Tony!", he yells. 
I lean against the couch and slide down, sitting on the floor. My head on my free hand. "Jaime.", I try speaking into it. My voice comes out raspy and weird through the sobs. 
"Tony?! What's going on?!"
"Jaime- Jaime she's gone.", I say blankly. 
"What?! What do you mean she's gone?! What-"
"She's fucking gone!", I yell and start to sob again, those words stinging me and cutting me open once again. 
"No- no! Where the- I'm coming over there! Right now! Stay there Tony, I'll be right over!"
I don't reply. I just hang up and put my head into my hands and sob. 
I'm not worth the struggle anymore.., the words from the note float around in my head. 
I dig my fingers into my scalp. 
"Fuck! Fuck!", I yell out. "You were worth every single fucking struggle! You are worth it! Fuck!!", I yell out loudly.
She's worth it, didn't I tell her that?! Why didn't she believe me?! 
I remember at that moment something that Paloma told me, a while ago when we first started dating, that she would feel this huge, empty hole in her chest because of her depression of losing her parents and not having a good relationship with Jaime. She would go into a lot of detail as to how it felt to have that huge, deep, hole there. I had an idea as to how it was, but I never fully understood it..

Until now.