Playground Love

"Paloma...", I groan out. I feel her lips move up neck, then down to my chest, and onto my stomach. I finally get it in me to open my eyes and shut my mouth. I look down at her and watch as she flips all her long curls back and stares up at me. She gives me one of her gorgeous smiles and reaches back up to kiss my lips. Her body sits right on top of me and I could feel her grind up against me as she kisses my neck, making me groan out even more because of how good it feels. 
"I love you, Tony.", she whispers in my ear and she nibbles on it. "You know that, right?" 
She pulls away and grins at me, her beautiful, big olive eyes staring down at me. I'm in awe as to how gorgeous she looks. So perfect in every way. I nod and put my hand behind her neck. "I love you too, I love you, Paloma."
She then frowns at me. Her beautiful smile immediately gone. 
"Baby- what's wrong?", I ask, starting to sit up on my elbows. She shakes her head and then buries her face in my neck, making me lay back down. Her cool lips on my skin giving me goosebumps. 
"Then you should know, this is all for you. I love you- but this is all for you.", she whispers in my ear once again. 
"W-what?", I ask. 
"Shh..", she whispers and kisses me. I feel her hands reach down and try to unbutton my jeans. I try to help, but she slaps my hands away and connects our lips together again. I feel her soft hands go into my jeans, then into my boxers, then, finally, I feel as she grabs onto me. 
"Fuck...", I groan and shut my eyes. "Paloma..."
I open my eyes and she stares down at me, a sly smile on her lips. 
"Tony... Tony...", she mumbles. "Tony! Tony? Tony!", she yells now. 

"Ay! Get up man...", I hear someone with a husky voice say.
My eyes snap open as I feel Alan shake me. I sit up and start to breathe heavily, sweat trickling down the sides of my head. 
I make eye contact with Alan and he backs away, staring at me.
Whoa.
"Are you... okay?", he mumbles. 
I clear my throat and run my hands through my hair. "Y-yeah..", I sigh. 
He gives me a confused look before nodding. "It's almost seven."
"You're fucking kidding?", I say and jump out of bed. 
"I- I thought you were taking a shower or something.. I-"
"It's okay, thanks for waking me up.", I say and grab some pants from my drawer. 
He nods and heads out the door. "Alright then, I'll see you later."
"Have a good day at work. Thanks.", I say while pulling on a shirt. 
I look into the mirror and stare at myself in it. The results are bad. I walk into the bathroom and wash my face, which makes me feel a bit more fresh than before. I comb through my hair quickly before putting one of my snap-backs on. 
As I'm walking to the kitchen to get my keys, my phone goes off. 
"Hey-", I start to say. 
"You okay, man?", Vic says before I finish. 
I sigh and roll my eyes. Every time. They ask me this, every fucking time. I shouldn't get annoyed, they're just trying to help, but still. "I'm fine. I woke up a little late, I'll be there in a couple. Sorry."
"Nah man, it's cool."
No, it's not. I've been waking up late for days now. And all because of those fucking dreams too... 
"Alright. See yah.", I say before hanging up. 
I grab my keys and open up the fridge to grab a water bottle. I snap it open, taking a long drink from it, then walk out the door. 

Once I get to the house, which I'm now allowed to step in, I sit in my car for a couple of minutes, trying to collect myself. I check my phone, knowing that I don't have any text messages. I do it because of the background. It's a picture of Paloma and I when I took her to eat some sushi. She's making a face at the sushi on her plate, since she hates sushi. I grip my phone in my hands, squeezing it tightly. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I tell myself to change it every time I look at it, but I could never get myself to do so. 
Today is day four of her being gone. Day four of me not knowing anything about her whereabouts. Day four of being miserable, alone, and worried. Jaime has been breaking his head over everything. Ever since that day, we haven't spoken. At all. I think he finally got it, he finally realized that I actually, really, loved his sister. Better late than never? 
I stuff my phone in my pocket and get out my car. At least I'm allowed in the house now. 

"Tone!", Mike greets as I walk into the condo which is now a studio, again, since I don't live in it anymore. It's completely different now. I'm really thankful about that too. A lot went down in this condo..
"What's up guys?", I say and walk to them. 
Vic waves and turns his attention back to his notepad filled with lyrics and Jaime glances up at me, then quickly looks back down. It makes me sad to know that things between him and I are like this. That guy is my best friend. There's no one else who knows me like he does other than Paloma. I miss talking to him, even though we both did some really messed up things to each other. I shake off the thought as Mike approaches me. 
"You sleeping late, man?", he asks and nudges me. 
I chuckle. "Yeah. I am."
That's not the reason why I wake up late though. 
He nods. We stare at Jaime and Vic for a while, and I can't take it anymore. I need to ask. 
I turn to Mike and rub the back of my head. "Angie hasn't called you back?", I ask low enough so only he could hear. 
He looks at me and then looks down to the floor, shaking his head. It's an expected answer, but it breaks my heart everytime. 
"Nah man... She hasn't. I've been calling a lot lately and she hasn't returned any of my calls"
I simply nod and walk over to small fridge we have in the break room. "Right.", I say mindlessly and grab the bottle of whiskey we have. 
"Tone- it's barley eight.", Vic says. 
"Who cares.", I say and smile while pouring some into a red cup. 
They all give me a concerned look. 
"Now where's my guitar?", I say before chugging down half the cup. "Let's get to music making!"
Mike sighs and I follow him into the room where Paloma and I once slept in. 
"You gotta stop drinking so much man. I could hear your liver crying.". He says as he grabs some drumsticks from a box on the floor. 
I take a sip of the whiskey and raise my eyebrows at him. "Dont start with me, Mike."
"I'm just sayin'. I know that shit has been tuff with-"
"Stop. Right there- stop. I don't need to hear it. If I want to fucking drink, I'll drink. It's my problem, not yours."
He stares at me for a good amount of time. "We're all concerned, okay? You don't see Jaime getting drunk every fucking day because of her. You need to snap out of it, Tony. I know it's hard- but it's time that you-"
I chug down some of my drink. "Enough!", I yell. "I came here to play some music! Not talk about the girl who left me!"
Mike goes silent and sighs. "Don't get drunk. That's my point."
"Sure.", I say and sit down, grabbing my guitar. "Just for you, Mikey, I won't. Just for you.", I say in a sweet voice. 
I grin at him and he shakes his head at me, frowning. Knowing that by the end of this day, they're going to have to give me another ride back home, once again. 
Without any other words, I put on my glasses and start to play a random chord. My fingers going from fret to fret, feeling the whiskey start to hit me now. Time for another cup. 

~

I hear Tony laughing in the room and I take a look at Vic. He glances up at me and sighs, rubbing his temples. 
"We should just get rid of it all for now.", he mumbles. "He's going to keep on doing this."
I sigh and put down my bass, then stand up, stretching. "I'll get rid of it today."
Vic nods and focuses back on his notepad. "You gonna talk to him now?"
I cross my arms and look down. "Maybe I should do it tomorrow..."
"You said that yesterday."
"He was drunk out of his mind before nine already. I couldn't."
"Well, better go now before he gets even more fucked up."
He's right, I should. I need to talk to him. I need to do this. No more excuses. "Alright..."
I walk into the room and see Mike on the floor, over Tony. Tony laughs and pushes him off. "Noooo! The floor is good too-", he yells out laughing. 
Mike sighs. "Tony- come on man, get to your guitar. Enough fooling around!" He tries picking him up again, failing at it. Tony yanks his hand back and thuds back on the floor, laughing. 
Mike turns around and rubs his face before looking at me. "Please tell me you're going to take him. Please, I can't do shit with him like this."
I nod and walk past him, to Tony. I'm nervous as I bend down to him. Tony sits up on his elbows and his mouth falls into a straight line as he makes eye contact with me. 
"You gonna kick me out again?", he slurs. 
I roll my eyes and grab his arm, pulling him up along with me. "No. We need to talk."
We're finally up and I lead him out of the room, then out of the studio. Tony stumbles out and takes his cap off, throwing it on one of the lawn chairs on the porch. He sits down on the ground and puts his head in his hands. 
I stare at him on the ground like that. He's not Tony. It's not the fact that he's drunk anymore, it's the fact that even when he's not drunk, he isn't Tony. He's so broken now. 
"Tony?"
He looks up at me. His eyes are red and there's bags under them. All emotion from him has drained out. "What?", he croaks, his voice coming out a little raspy. 
I sit down next to him and stare at the ground. "I need to tell you something."
I glance at him and he stares at me. "You can understand me, right? You're not that messed up?"
He grins and shakes his head. "Two cups don't do much- I'm good."
I chuckle and nod. "Okay, good."
I sigh and rub my knees. "I guess... I guess I should start by.. Saying sorry.", I say and look at him. 
He stares at the floor, his eyebrows scrunched together. 
"I should have accepted you and Paloma. I should have gotten over the age factor and I should have gotten over the fact that my best friend was completely in love with my sister..."
I look down and feel his eyes on me. "I did fuck it all up. If it wasn't for me, Paloma would still be here with you. And you wouldn't be this drunk mess that you have been for the past three days. I'm sorry, Tony. You're the closest person to me and I don't want to lose that. I've lost so many things in my life, I don't want to lose you too.", I say and look up at him. His eyes are glossy now. "The only way we could get through this whole thing is if we work together. We both lost something really close and important to us. I know it's all my fault, I fucked up big time. There's no amount of words for me to put together anymore. All I could say is that I'm sorry. I miss my sister and you miss your girlfriend." 
Tony looks back down. "I understand if you don't forgive me, I do. But I hope that one day, things would go back to how they use to be. I now see how much Paloma really means to you.. And now, I can't see anyone else with her, other than you. You treated her with respect, you made her happy when I couldn't, and you gave up a lot of things for her. You deserve Paloma. And I'm sorry I couldn't realize any of that until now."
Tony runs his hands through his hair and I could hear him swallow. He looks up at me, then back to the ground. 
I sigh. Seems like he doesn't want to talk. I understand. I said what I needed to say and I understand if he doesn't accept it. I stand up and start to walk to the door without another word. 
"Hey.. Wait..", I hear. I turn around and see Tony stand up, stumbling to the side a little, out of drunkenness. "You're not the only one who has to say sorry."
I shake my head. "Yes, I am. You don't need to say sorry, Tony. You fell in love with my sister, that's something you don't need to say sorry for."
He chuckles. "I guess you're right... I'm sorry for punching you then."
I laugh. "Me too."
Tony smiles, a real smile this time, and opens his arms for a hug. I laugh and walk to him, hugging him. 
"I missed you, bro.", I say. He pats my back and we break away from the hug. 
"Me too, man. Me too.", he says. 
I grab him by his shoulders and stare at him. "We could do this. We're gonna find her. When we do, because we will, we'll be like how we used to be again. You and Paloma will be together and we'll all be happy. I'll do everything I can to find her. I'll bring her back, Tony. I will."
He smiles and nods. "You're not alone in it, believe me."
I smile at him before walking back inside the studio. 
Feels good to have my best fried back. Feels really good to finally have at least a piece of me back. 

~

We're jamming, doing our thing. I'm still taking small swigs of whiskey here and there, though. Trying my best to push Paloma out of my mind. Trying to wash her down with something strong, though this whiskey is getting a little tiring. If only she were here. If only she knew what just happened between Jaime and I. If only.. This is all she wanted. 
This is what we've been waiting for, this is what we've been wanting. It's here now- but she's gone..
Mike's going hard on the drums as I hear his cell go off. I decide to look at who's calling for him. 
I don't think twice before answering this call as I see who's calling. 
"Angie?!"
Mike's drumming comes to a full stop. 
"Mike?", she says. 
"No- it's Tony.. Is Paloma with you??"
"Oh... Tony... Where's- where's Mike..."
"Angie-"
"Tony? Is that Angie?", Mike says, coming up behind me. 
I glance up at him and nod quickly. 
"Tony... Tony... I- I want to talk to Mike..."
"Is Paloma with you?! Is she okay?", I ask, ignoring what she requested. Everything in my mind is blank now. This might be my only chance. 
"Tony, give me the phone. You're gonna make her hang up!", Mike yells. He tries grabbing his phone but I slap away his hand. 
"Angie! Please! Tell me where she is- I know you know! Tell me she's okay! Please!", I beg. 
Jaime and Vic come in the room with concerned faces. "What's going on?", Vic says. 
"Tony!", Mike yells and grabs my arm. 
"Please- Angie! Please!", I yell into the phone. 
"I- I gotta go-"
"No! No, please! Just tell me she's okay! Tell me she's safe!"
"She's safe, she's okay, she's okay, Tony!", I hear her cry. "Now I have to go- bye!"
The line ends. 
Mike grabs the phone out of my hand as all force in me disappears. 
"Angie?! Angie!", he yells into it. "Fuck Tony!", he says and pushes me. I stumble to side, not caring. 
"What happened?! What did she say?!", Jaime asks. 
I stare at him, blank. "She just told me she's alright.. She's okay. She wanted to talk to Mike."
"Then why the fuck didn't you let me talk to her?!", Mike yells, trying to call her back. "She isn't fucking answering anymore! Dammit Tony!"
"What did you want me to do?! I finally get a fucking chance to see if Paloma is okay! That was my only chance! That's as close as I'll get to Paloma now!", I yell, the tears threatening to come. 
"If you would have passed me the phone, then maybe we could have gotten more out of Angie!", he yells back. 
"Guys- come on, she'll call back eventually. Calm down!", Vic says. 
"I've been trying to get a hold of Angie for days, Vic! Then she finally calls- and he fucks it up! Great! Thanks Tony! Now we won't know anything about Paloma or Angie! Thanks!", he says and walks out of the room. 
I shake my head and walk out too. "Fuck you.", I mumble and walk out the studio. "You don't fucking understand how it feels!", I yell before slamming the door shut. 
I get in my car and turn the ignition on, ready to drive away. Jaime and Vic run out towards my car. 
"Tony! Tony stop! You can't drive-", Vic yells. 
"Tony! Get out!!", Jaime yells. 
I ignore them and drive off. I feel fine. This is nothing compared to how hammered I could have gotten. 
I take my glasses off and open up the dashboard slot, throwing them in there. I take a quick glance at it and notice a crumpled up sticky note in it. There's a red light, so I slowly come to a stop. I grab the sticky note and flatten it out. I read over it and realize that it's an address to some place. I turn the sticky note around and read what it says. It's Jaime's writing. 
It reads: 'Pick Angie up for Paloma's party!!'
My heart stops. 
This is Angie's address. Back when Jaime used my car so he could go pick Angie up for Paloma's birthday. Paloma was with Vanessa all day that day. 
I jump at the sound of a car honking at me and I look up at the light. I press on the gas as I realize it's green and switch lanes, now following the address on the paper. 
If Angie won't tell me where she is over the phone, then maybe in person she will. 
We're going on tour in less than a week, so this is all I have. 
This is my only hope now.