Playground Love

I feel groggy when I wake up and my head spins around in circles when I sit up. I try to collect myself, taking in small breaths and letting them out. Eventually, I feel normal again. Normal enough to get up and walk into the bathroom for a much needed shower.
As I'm letting the warm water relax me, I remember something important.
Shit.. I never called Jaime back! Or texted Tony that I'm okay!
I hurry and wash my hair, then jump out of the shower. I almost slip on the tile floor as I try grabbing my towel. I wrap it around myself and carefully step onto the wooden floor then, safely step back into my room with the nice carpet.
I check my phone and see that I have two missed calls. Both from Jaime of course. I sigh and try thinking of an explanation.
Then I finally hit the call button and wait for him to pick up.
Two rings later:
“Paloma?!”, he says urgently. “What happened-”
“I'm so sorry, Jaime. I just woke up and checked my phone. I went to sleep really early yesterday- knocked out on the couch actually.”
A second of silence.
“Oh... Why did you sleep so early??”, he finally says.
“Be-because, I don't know. I was watching a movie- then I woke up the next day on the couch. Weird." I say trying my best to sound concerned and apologetic.
He sighs. “Alright..”, he says. “Well I was really worried.”
“I know. I'm sorry.”
“Just keep your phone on high or something.”
“I will. Promise.”
“Okay.. Tony said he texted you. Save his number, alright?”
I smile to myself. One step ahead of you... “Sure thing.”
“We'll be back tonight. Maybe midnight. Not sure, but tonight.”
“Okay, cool.”
“Okay then.. Take care. Be safe.”
“Mmhmm.”, I murmur ready to hang up.
“I love you.”
I stay silent for a second. Then I realize, oh fuck, he's expecting something back. “I- I love you too.”, I say rush idly.
“Talk to you later.”
“Yeah, bye.”
I hang up and lay down on my bed. Thank goodness I got that over with.

So I sit here in silence now, on the couch. I don't even want to turn the TV on. I'm just staring at the black screen. I'm thinking about way too many things right now.
What the fuck was I thinking?! Getting high with two random boys in the woods?! And why the hell did I kiss Matt? I barley met him..
I'm going crazy.
Fuck, what would my parents think..
My parents. Oh god, oh god, I miss them so fucking much it hurts. The pain in my chest I can't fucking take it. There's this deep feeling like someone punched me there and I'm left gasping for air. Tony, I need him. I want to talk to him.
But why?!
Oh god, Paloma! You're pathetic.. Tony doesn't give a flying fuck about you! Open your eyes! Jaime doesn't either; No one does. Matt seems like he does, though.. Give yourself to him. It's okay. He makes the pain go away right? Keep him.
The pain. My parents. Kathy.
Oh fuck.
Then I notice, I'm crying. Crying? I raise my hand up to my eyes and wipe away the tears, but they keep on flowing down. They're unstoppable.

I'm not happy. Not one bit. I actually can't remember the last time I was.. Wait.. Yes I do.
A flashback of when I was in school with some of my close friends appears in my head.
The laughing, the jokes, the great feeling of belonging there. Making promises to each other that in the future, we'll still have contact. Talking about how the future will have so many great things in store for us. Didn't life just smack me in the face, then..
Me, coming home to my mother, father, and little sister. A nice, home-cooked meal and a small chat about each of our days..

This isn't helping the flow of tears. Not at all. I pull out my phone and decide to call Tony. He would definitely make me feel better. I stare at my screen for a minute or two.. then realize how stupid this is. Call Tony? What is he going to do? Instead, I look out the window in hopes of seeing someone in particular show up.
And to my luck, I see Matt. He's walking up the parkway of the house, wearing a black hooded jacket with some jeans. I smile and my heart starts to beat faster. This has to be fate, right?
A big part of me says to not let him in, to just keep him away from my life.
But I ignore that part. Why wouldn't I let him in? He takes away the pain.
He knocks on the door- and I gladly open it.
Then it's like someone else took over my body. I'm not me anymore.
We greet each other and we both know what's on our minds..

I gladly accept his offer to smoke a blunt with him.
I gladly start to make out with him.
Then- I gladly show him where the alcohol is.
We gladly start to drink heavy amounts of whatever whiskey, tequila, or alcohol my brother has stored.

I grab a bottle of tequila and take a long gulp of it, plain. Bad, horrible, idea.
I yank away the glass bottle. My throat burns as the tequila slides down my throat. I feel it hit my stomach, and almost immediately, my tongue goes numb. Despite the fact that it tastes horrible- I like the feeling. Matt starts to crack up as he sees my eyes water.
“Orange juice and tequila! Try it.”, he says and pours me a drink. He puts some orange juice in there and stirs it well. I get the cup and chug it down without thinking twice. I shake my head, my hair whipping my face.
“Wow!!!”, I say.
We grab a bottle of Jack and walk to my room, then sit in the middle of my bed and just drink. Then, Matt pulls out the best of the best, some Mary-Jane. He crushes some, rolls it up, and takes a hit, before passing it to me.
“Where do you get all this weed from??”, I ask taking a hit.
He chuckles and sips his drink. “My brother. I take it from him. He doesn't care.”
I pass him the blunt. “Nice.”
“Why do you have all this alcohol??”, he asks, this time him taking a hit.
I laugh out of drunkenness. “My brother! And his crazy bandmates! They drink almost every night! Sometimes-”, I whisper this, I have no idea why. “They bring some random chicks here.” Matt and I both laugh like idiots. “Except-”, I say and stand up on my bed. Matt looks up at me, his eyes half closed. “Tony!” I twirl around.
“Who's Tony?”
“Tony Perry!!”, I sing. “He's amazing.”
“I take it you like this guy?”
“He's alright for a guy, I guess! He plays the gui-TAR for my bro's band!”
“Do you like this guy?”
I laugh and fall back down on the bed and tilt my head back. “No!”
I look up at Matt, he's smirking. “Yes you do.”
I stare at him. Then I slowly smile and let out a loud laugh. “He's very attractive!”
“Oh- so you want to fuck him?!”, Matt says.
I open my mouth and gasp, then laugh loudly. I can't stop. Tears come out of my eyes as I laugh. I grab the bottle from his left hand and chug some down. I bite my lips as I feel it burn.
“Just admit it.”, he says slyly. “You want him to put his-”
“Matt! You're a nasty boy!!”, I say and point my index finger to his chest. He grabs my finger and licks the tip of it. Despite how gross and weird that was, I smile and he smiles back at me. “Too bad he has a girlfriend- he's 26 too.”, I say in a bummed out tone.
“Oo.. You like those older guys, huh?”, he says.
And then I feel this tingling feeling in between my thighs. This isn't me anymore. I'm so out of form. “I guess so..”, I say realizing that I'm pretty fucked up now and that I'm speaking nonsense. Or... am I?
“You want to suck on his face. Not only his face- but his dick too.”, he says and gets closer to me. I sit there- frozen, in shock of his use of words.
He chuckles and kisses my neck. “Settle for me.”, he murmurs. I don't know what comes over me- him- us. I can't fight back. I'm too out of it. Oh fuck... My mind is a huge blur.
All I know is- I'm on my back now. Matt is unbuttoning my jeans.
The room is a big blur. I giggle and let out sighs as I feel Matt pull down my panties and pants.
This all happened so fast- but I don't try anything to stop it, because I don't want him to stop. I need this relief. I want this relief. All that talk about Tony...
Then I feel Matt's tongue explore places I thought could never feel like that.
I let out a loud moan and clench the covers of my bed in my fists.
He strokes his tongue up and down, making me see stars. I can't take it any longer- I start panting heavily. Then my mind goes somewhere. My mind makes me think that Tony is doing this to me. Then all of a sudden- this feels four times better. I grab my hair I grab his hair I grab the sheets and moan out in pleasure, my back arching. Then my body falls back onto the bed, limp.
Sweat trickles down the side of my face. I open my eyes- and I remember that Matt was actually doing all of this. My cheeks blush more than they have ever blushed before. If I thought I was out of it before- I'm more fucked up now. The high of the weed, the alcohol, and now this orgasmic feeling... What a fucking combination.
Matt wipes his mouth with his sleeve and smiles. He gently slides my black panties on. Then my pants, buttoning them for me. I slowly sit up and stare at him. Speechless.
He takes another swig of the whiskey and lays down.
I lay back down with him. His deep, blue, eyes stare back at me, all red and half closed.
I put my hand on his cheek and shut my eyes. “I can't even fucking...”, I slur out. I say many more things. Many of them involving Tony. How embarrassing. Words are spilling out of my mouth but my brain- I don't know what I'm actually saying.
Matt chuckles and puts his finger on my lips. “Fuck. You're fucked up right now. Just sleep it off.”
“But- fuck. I dunno- I just...”, I slur. I let out one last giggle and shut my eyes again, then fall asleep.

There's some noises- I hear a door open then close, then hear some guys talking. I wake up and the first thing I do is look at the clock on my wall.
2:30 am?!
Then I see Matt laying asleep by my side. I sit up, panicking. My brain is pulsing in my head. My stomach is flipping in knots. I cant throw up- not now.
“Matt! Matt! Wake up Matt!”, I say and shake him until his eyes pop open.
I hear shuffling go on in the living room. “Fuck fuck fuck! They're back!”
“What? Huh? What happened?!”, he slurs out fast.
He wipes the drool from the side of his mouth and sits up. “They're back! Matt! You need to hide!”, I say fast.
“Oh shit!”, he curses, catching on. “I can't hide! They'll find me-”
“Sneak out the window!”
We stand on my bed and I push out the screen from the window. It's not a long fall at all.
He looks at me and kisses my lips. I flinch away- what the fuck did we do?! My stomach keeps flipping at the thought of it.
His lips are already on mine- they taste like whiskey. “I'll call you!”
I nod and wave him goodbye.
He jumps out of the window then runs off into the darkness.
I shut my window and flop down on my bed, my heart beating out of my chest. I hide the whiskey bottles under my bed, then spray perfume everywhere. I turn the fan on and open the window again.
I hear someone walk in the hallway.
Oh shit- oh shit.
I run to my bed and throw the covers over my head.
The door slowly opens, and I hear someone walk in.
“Is she asleep?”, Vic whispers.
“Yeah, think so..”, Jaime whispers.
“It smells weird in here.”, Vic chuckles. “Like perfume.. And skunk.”
Jaime chuckles along with him. “The window is open- there's probably a skunk near.”
“Should I shut it?”, asks Vic.
“Nah, she likes it open.”
I hear the door close.

Relieved that they're finally gone, I sit up and rush to my small trash can in the corner then start to violently, vomit in it.