In The Shadow of Death

I was surrounded by a house full of people who knew me but I couldn’t remember. I let Lil believe most of my memories had returned when they hadn’t. It was weird hearing about your life from someone else and not remembering it.

Sure I got glimpses from time to time; it’s kind of hard to explain. It was like there was a movie playing in my head only the reel was broken so you only caught sporadic scenes, nothing ever played full length.

Before I knew it we were leaving my mother’s house. From what I was told I wouldn’t really have memories of her since she ‘died’ when we were young. I was staring out the car window as we drove home staring at the beautiful stars twinkling in the midnight sky. My sisters, Lil and Cory, didn’t really try to talk to me a whole lot and that was okay. I had told them earlier that I was pretty worn out, which was the truth.

The three of us went our separate ways when we got back ‘home’. I went into what was now my room, which you could tell had been an unused guestroom. Everything was white, the walls, ceiling, the carpet on the floor, the sheets, even the furniture. Well all of the furniture except for the dark mahogany sleigh bed.

Changing into grey shorts and a tank the same lavender color of my eyes I climbed into bed. As I laid there trying to fall asleep, loneliness and fear chocked me. Silent tears ran down my cheeks as the feeling of being lost and alone started to swallow me.

Soon after there was a low knock on my door, like the person was trying not to be heard. I sat up clutching the covers to my chest. I opened my mouth but my voice was frozen by the fear that caused my heart to beat wildly in my chest.

“Seraphina, it’s Brian. I’d like to come in.” The sound of his deep velvet voice alone made my nerves ease. Brian was my husband by blood bond that much I remembered, but that was about it. I did however hear enough about him from Lil to know that he was a demon and asked for little, it wasn’t in his nature. Yet here he was asking for my permission to enter.

Finding what little courage I had I forced my voice to work. “Okay.”

A moment later I heard the door open and close softly. I fought the urge to reach over turn on the light on the nightstand. Suddenly the light turned on and I was face to face with my husband. Now that I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me I could appreciate his male beauty. Long dark hair hung around his face perfectly and I found myself wanting to touch it. He stood silent and still as I looked him over slowly. He had a strong square jaw, high cheek bones, and eyes so dark brown they were almost black. Eyes that were filled with a heart clenching sorrow that had me struggling to find the air needed to breathe.

“Seraphina….dashuria ime….mata” He whispered into the space between us his eyes becoming impossibly sad.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered back my voice filled with the tears suddenly welling in my eyes.

“Do not cry. I am not worthy of your tears.” He meant to be reassuring but he couldn’t hide the sadness and regret in his tone anymore then he could keep it from his beautiful eyes.

I looked down shaking my head as I fought my tears. “This is my fault, I know it.”

I looked over but not up as the bed dipped beside me. Brian lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his hypnotizing eyes. “I would suffer the hell of having you alive and not being able to touch you to the pure madness of living without you for another minute.”

He was so sincere I didn’t know what to say or do. I couldn’t doubt the honesty of his tone anymore then the love I saw in his gaze. Just like that I was somewhere else.

I was in his arms, coldness filling me as blood red tears ran down his face. He was telling me he loved me as I lay dying, my only regret not being able to tell him I love him too one final time.

I blinked several times as I came back to myself. Brian was watching me worriedly obviously afraid of what had just happened. “You cried.” I whispered as I reached up touching his cheek right under his eye gently.

Closing his eyes he turned his face into my palm as if reveling in my touch. “I was watching my heart, my reason for being, die and there was nothing I could do.”

I knew the pain he was talking about, I had known it too. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him to me. I smiled as his strong arms locked around me, holding me in place. “I was insane without you.” He breathed into my hair.

“I came back to save you.” I don’t know where those words came from but I knew they were the truth.

He pulled back from me, his eyes searching mine. A devilishly handsome smirk twisted his lips. “Of course you did.” He reached up brushing a strand of hair off my face. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from my angel.”

His hand moved to the back of my head pulling my face down gently towards his. My eyes fluttered close on their own accord a moment before his lips touched mine. His kiss was gentle and tentative at first, until my body responded to him. It quickly turned into something almost desperate.

I moaned into his mouth as my hands balled into fists in his hair as he deepened the kiss. His hands tunneled under my tank and I almost groaned just from the feeling of his rough hands against my soft skin. A small whimper left my lips when he pulled back only if it was for the second it took for him to get my top off.

He pushed me back on the bed as he continued to devour me with his kisses. This is what I had been missing. Not sex, or pleasure, but Brian. He was the large part of my heart that had felt like it was missing.

It seemed although my mind might not fully remember him, my heart and body had been dying without him and his love.