Escaping the Inevitable

The trip to my grandma Linda's was short and a breeze. She did feed me, making me so full, I could barely walk. "That's how you feed a boy!" She told my dad, "What's wrong with him? He doesn't like to eat, Frank?"

My dad had looked at me, "He's just active, ma. He's starting the baseball team again this summer."

My grandma smiled, "So we got a little jock in the family? How funny."

"What's funny?" Dani asked.

"Your daddy never played baseball. He played with his guitar when he was Joey's age." Grandma Linda explained.

"Joey's gonna be famous one day," Dani said, "Like dad."

I shook my head, then my Grandma smiled, "I think so too. He's gonna be an all-star."

I couldn't respond to all of this; I'm not the one for flattery. My mom had praised me about being a jock too, and it didn't sit with me. To be honest, I didn't want to play ball anymore, my dad didn't seem to like it, he never came to my games.

"Yeah right." I mumbled.

I could see my Grandma Linda looking at dad with this look; I can't really explain it. It was like she was sad but angry at the same time. My dad looked back at her, but he didn't say a word. We all continued to eat, and talk, thank God the subject changed.


We left my Grandma's, it was mid afternoon. The ride home was the usual, quiet with music playing. I just couldn't wait to get home, I knew my dad was gonna talk to my mom, and I wanted to ease drop.

We finally pulled up in the driveway, I saw my mom getting ready to leave. I frowned to myself, knowing that it was gonna a little while before my parents actually talked.

"Where are you going?" My dad asked.

"My lenses are in at that photography store downtown. I'm going to pick them up." She told him, "I'll be right back, I made some cookies."

My dad smiled crookedly, "Alright. Thanks."

"No problem." She turned to us, "Where the heck are my hugs and my hi mom?"

We all chuckled and went to hug her. I lingered a bit, "Hey, can I come with you?"

She hummed, "You sure?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

My mom nodded, "Okay, c'mon." 

My dad, Wolfie and Dani went into the house, and I followed my mom to her car. I got into the passenger side, she got in the driver side, and started it up. We drove down the block before I decided to talk to her about everything.

"Mom, do you love dad?"

She looked at me with a confused look, then at the road, "Of course I love dad! What gave you the impression I didn't?"

"Just asking." I said softly, "I know you do... Or you wouldn't still be with him."

She sighed, "It's much deeper than just love, Joe. Me and dad have a long history and I wanted to be with him. I love him, I need him, you know? I don't feel like myself if I'm not with him."

I didn't know what she meant, but I knew it was deep. My mom has the strongest feelings for my dad.

"Do you think he loves you?"

My mom started to cry.

I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet.

"Oh, no, mom, I'm sorry! Don't cry, please!" I apologized quickly.

She pulled over, on the side of a stop sign, parking. She pressed her palms to her face and sobbed. It was like the Twilight Zone, because just because I heard her cry, I hadn't seen it. I've seen tears, never full on sobs and bawling.

"Mom, I'm sorry." I rubbed her back until she stopped.

Mom looked at me, "Do you want the truth, Joey?"

I couldn't respond.

"Not-Not if you're gonna cry."

She sniffled and wiped her face with her fingers, "I don't think he loves me. I mean, he used to, just not anymore."

"Why do you think that is?" I asked quietly.

"Maybe because I'm old? I'm not fun anymore... Or I'm not pretty enough? I have no clue."

"Mom, you're pretty enough. Dad is just... I don't know." I muttered.

Mom moved her hand to my head and combed back my hair, "You're the sweetest boy in the world. I love you, Joey."

I blushed, "Geez, mom."

She cupped my jaw, "You are, Joseph. I am proud to be your mom."

Once she dropped her hand, I looked her over, "Do you want to divorce him?"

She tweaked her lips, "Butcher called earlier... He wants us to come visit... I want to move back." I didn't know where this was going, "I think I may divorce your dad."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Does he want that?"

"I haven't a clue, Joey. I don't know what goes through Frank's head anymore," The last part, she seemed to be talking to herself, "He isn't in love with me anymore."

I shut my eyes to keep from crying. I don't like crying, it was abnormal of me. I don't cry.

"These things happen, baby." She patted my back, "It's no one's fault. People... People change, their perception of others change; it's life."

I looked at her, "It's not suppose to be our life."

She wiped the tear that escaped and rolled down my cheek, "I know it isn't, but things happen."

We sat in the car for a moment, quiet. Then, mom drove off; she turned the stereo on, and ironically one of my dad's band's song came on. It was on my mom's iPod, docked to the stereo, playing Vampires Will Never Hurt You.

I looked at my mom, exhaling, "Why dad? What did you like about him?"

My mom had a sweet smile, "He was persistent, he made me laugh, he protected me... He just made me happy. He was my first real boyfriend; I hadn't really been with anyone else but Frank."

I thought about the things my mom had told me over the years; she and my dad met a concert and they hadn't liked each other at first. They just fell in love with each other, and that's really all I knew. I remember my childhood pretty well, my dad was always gone with his band and my mom took me and Wolfie on assignments with her.

Life had been very different, but extraordinary.

I remember when my dad would come home, he would pick my mom up and spin her around. He would show her the new tattoos he had gotten, including her name on his hand. It made my stomach tense, because every time I saw it, I felt that it meant that they're suppose to be together forever. It meant that they were soul mates. His coming home always made her happy that her eyes would water, he would pick us up and ask us how we had really been since he had gone away. We would video chat, too, and it made his going away a little easier.

I think things really went downhill when my mom got pregnant with Dani. Originally, my dad had said he didn't want a baby at that time, things with his band were weird, I hadn't been told, I overheard. My mom was sad, but as you see, she kept Dani.

I believe my mom's stern choice to keep Dani made my dad resent her. It isn't Dani's fault, it's just... As my mom said, the way life goes. I really wanted to ask my dad about it.