Something in the Water

BEN:

She's lying comfortably across my chest, her head in the center and her arm wrapped around the front of me. I've been alternating between brushing her hair away from her flushed face and gently stroking the bareness of her back. I think it's making her fall asleep.

I'm sure it's exhausting, seducing your boyfriend to get into bed with you. I can't say I regret falling for it. A pleasant surprise, I guess.

They aren't kidding when they say a woman glows when she's pregnant. I didn't notice it until now. Her hair is shiny like silk, and it runs through my fingers like water. I draw my hand down the curve of her back, and around the smoothness of her shoulders. She's always been beautiful, but now, there are no words.

I spot the goosebumps spreading over her arm, so I pull the sheets up and over her pink shoulders. She sighs deeper, and I guess that verifies she's asleep.

I wouldn't mind taking a nap. I know she hasn't been sleeping well, but I neither have I. And right now, in a quiet house with rain falling steadily outside, I might fall asleep, too.

Of course, the minute I close my eyes I'm reminded of everything that keeps me up at night. How can I sleep, knowing that Emma's so excited to have a baby and they won't even let her keep him? Or if we don't pass the Evaluation, how badly will it scar her? And then there's Sam...just knowing that she has someone she can easily fall back on puts me under enough pressure.

"Ben?"

My breathing hitches when her voice comes out of nowhere. "Yeah?"

Apparently, she isn't sleeping. "What are you thinking about?"

I tell her the truth without saying too much. "Alot of things."

I'm glad she accepts the answer. I start petting her hair again, the tips of my fingers occasionally brushing over her ear. She's very quiet, and if she isn't sleeping, it's a little weird.

I pause all movement for a second. "Are you okay? I didn't...I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No."

I blink a few extra times to try and figure out how to read the short answer. I wish I could see more of her face. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"No, I'm fine. I was just...if we could go back to four months ago, to the day it happened, would you change anything? So that it didn't happen?"

That's why she's so quiet. She's inventing questions that test my sanity. Again, I'm honest. "I don't know."

Emma shifts her head to rest on the pillow beside me. She keeps her eyes down while I wait for them to peek at me.

"Would you?" I ask quietly.

She blinks slowly, eventually meeting my gaze. "I don't know. I'm supposed to say no, but I don't know."

She needs to know what they're planning to do, but I don't think it's my place to say something. In some ways, it's kind of my responsibility. In others, her father is the one that needs to tell her.

She's staring at my face like she's trying to memorize every detail in it.

"What are you thinking about?" I throw the question back at her.

Her eyes bounce around the room. "I don't want you to go back there."

"Em, you know I have to."

"You can't." She says firmly. "I don't like what it's doing to you. And they're trying to trick us into breaking up."

I search for her hand under the blankets. "You're looking too close into it. If we want to pass the Evaluation, I have to -"

"Screw the Evalution! None of it matters if I lose you." Her voice shakes a bit. "Just you saying that is enough proof that it's working."

I lean to connect our lips softly. She barely kisses me back. She doesn't believe me.

"You won't lose me." I whisper into her hair.

"Then don't go back." She's begging me now. "Please?"

I know it isn't really an option, but what am I supposed to say to her? "Okay."

She returns to the position with her head under my chin and her arms around me. This time, I hug her back.

. . . . . . . .

EMMA:

I'll be brutally honest. Getting Ben to sleep with me hasn't made things any better, but I wouldn't say they're worse. Now, instead of just tension splitting us up, it's awkward tension.

I could barely hold his eyes for three seconds without blushing when he left my house yesterday. I can barely touch him without being reminded of the events that occured, and he's the same way.

Honestly, the sex was great. I thought it would be weird - or awkward - sleeping with him while I'm pregnant, but it was pretty normal. If anything, it was better. Alot better.

I still don't know how Ben feels about it, because we haven't gotten a chance to talk about it. I don't really think he wants to talk, but I'm confident he enjoyed himself. Then again, that might be the hormones talking.

In a way, I'm glad I don't have to see him today. My father decided that I should reschedule my check-up visit with Dr. Stevens to a Sunday so he can come with me - not Ben. He still gets his way, even though we aren't on the best terms at the moment.

I'm glad he opted for the casual shirt and tie today, instead of the whole Evaluator uniform. People see that the pregnant girl is an Evaluator's daughter and they get ideas. I'd rather them keep their ideas to themselves, instead of broadcasting them on national television.

"Hi, Emma." Dr. Stevens and her shimmery smile greet me. I've seen her frequently since I started working in the Nursery, so it isn't as much of a reunion as it is with my father. "It's been a while, Mr. Sullivan." She holds her hand out to shake his.

"Not too long." Dad's trying to be considerate, and I give him credit for trying. This isn't his cup of tea, but he kindly shakes her hand.

She leads us down the familiar hallways of the Maternity Ward, to the same line of rooms that she took us to before. On the way, we pass the waiting room in the wing. I spot a young woman with a belly the size of a large watermelon. If we're comparing stomachs to melons, mine is more like a cantaloupe.

My eyes draw up to her face, and she actually smiles at me. Even her husband, a man with arms the size of a watermelon gives me a courteous nod. I have trouble picturing his insane biceps holding a fragile newborn baby.

I've seen many pregnant women waddle in and out of the wing for weeks. Most of them either ignore me or stare in disbelief, but this one is the first to show some kindness. It's funny. There's definitely more people that hate me than people that like me, but the ones that hate me always show it. It's nice to feel liked every once and a while.

The doctor invites us into one of the rooms toward the end of the hall. She hooks me up to one of the machines that produce black and white images. She starts to feel her way around my stomach, searching for my baby.

I watch Dad's face and compare it to Ben's. Dad looks pretty professional, his eyes moving at the same speed as the doctor's. Ben looked like a two-year-old watching a horror movie. The thought makes me smile.

"Hm," Dr. Stevens removes the paddle and squirts more gel onto it. "Your baby seems to like to play hide and seek."

Dad's expression changes for half a second. He looks concerned, but it wipes away faster than I can register it was even there.

She starts navigating my stomach again. I watch her face intently. She doesn't seem worried, and I find comfort in her calmness. But I watch the screen, the black and white and gray blurry spots revealing nothing inside of me.

"Do you see him?" I ask, surprised at the uncertainty in my voice.

"Hold on," She adjusts the waistband of my pants and moves the paddle lower. "Aha. There's the little bugger."

I glue my eyes to the screen and sigh heavily in relief. His little fingers are so big now, and so are his toes. He's beautiful, and already good at scaring the hell out of me.

To add to my reignited excitement, Dad is smiling.

"Still a very healthy baby." Dr. Stevens presses a few buttons and switches and holds her hand still. "Listen."

I stop breathing to keep my eardrums perfectly clear. The sound coming through the tiny speakers near my head sounds like water, swooshing around in a barrel. It's timed, and has a distinct rhythm that automatically tells me I'm listening to my baby's heart beating.

I'm suddenly overcome with emotion. I stare at the screen accompanied with the heartbeat and I overflow with pure and unconditional love for this baby.

Dad covers my hand with his own. His smile is conflicted, but it's still a smile.

"Daddy?"

He looks down at me, his emotions clearly in a jumbled mess - a good jumbled mess.

I move my hand under his to hold it properly. "You're going to be a grandfather."

The realization produces a chuckle from his smile. "I'm sure I'm too young for that." It's all he has to say, but it's enough for me.

"I can't tell yet if it's a boy or a girl, but I should be able to see by your next visit." Dr. Stevens enjoys the special moment with us, and I'm happy she gets to see my Dad this way. He isn't always a monster.

After our pictures are printed, Dad asks Dr. Stevens if he can follow her and ask a few questions about the new technology. He hasn't seen anything like that since before I was born, which is ironic, considering his job.

I wait patiently in the hallway, smiling to myself and rubbing my tummy. I can't wait to tell Ben that I heard his heart beating, and how big he's gotten. It's almost like nothing else in the world matters, as long as we have our baby. I can't wait to hold him in my arms for real, and watch his tiny fingers curl around mine.

One of the doors about four rooms down the hallway creaks open. It's otherwise pretty quiet down here, so the noise echoing through the walls startles me a little. I watch the opening until a large silhouetted figure comes through it. I recognize him to be the man with watermelon arms, the husband of the kind woman in the waiting room.

A doctor wearing the same sort of coat that Dr. Stevens wears hurries out after the man. I hear soft mumbles, but I can't make out any words until the man speaks.

"You don't know what caused it?" He sounds a little angry, and I worry for the doctor's chances if they get into a fight. "How did it happen?"

"Sometimes these things just happen, and we don't know why." The doctor replies sullenly.

The man's back meets the wall, and he has trouble staying on his feet. "We didn't...we didn't do anything wrong."

The doctor runs her hand over the man's large arms. "I'm so sorry." She abruptly turns to reenter the room, closing the creaking door over.

I hold my breath, afraid the man can hear my breathing from where he is. I watch him slowly sink down to the floor, his head supported by his hands. I hear it start as a quiet jump in his breathing, and turn into a sob that only breaks my heart completely in half.

I cup one of my shaking hands over my mouth, and the other over my stomach. To pass the Evaluation and then tragically lose the baby...it's extremely rare, but not unheard of.

I can't stop shaking. The man's cries become louder, and I shake harder. I think of the life inside me and cringe at the thought of losing it in the blink of an eye. I think of the poor woman, and how she must feel if her husband is falling apart in the hallway.

They think our world is perfect, but it isn't.

When Dad and Dr. Stevens return, it's too late. I've already seen too much. Dad kneels beside me, trying to put the color back in my face. That's when I realize I've sunken down to the floor as well. I see Dr. Stevens continue down the hall and lean over to speak to the man, but he doesn't seem to notice her there.

Dad figures it out pretty quickly, directing my head into his chest. I expect the tears that eventually spill over my cheeks, but they're silent. They fall slowly and heavily, but I don't make a sound.

He helps me back to my feet, but my legs are numb. I keep myself turned into Dad as we walk back down the hall, past the man and our doctor, and out of the wing.

Dad waits until we're far enough away from all of that to pull me to the side and settle me down.

"It's alright, sweetheart." He curls my hair behind both ears to see my face.

"It's so sad." I whimper, blinking the rest of my tears away. "I can't imagine what..." I shake my head, unable to even finish the sentence without choking up. "It's just so sad."

Dad pulls me into him again, and I use his white work shirt as a tissue. He holds the back of my head close, and kisses it twice.

"You have a beautiful heart, Emma." He tells me. "I promise that everything will be alright."