Nothing to Lose

“She hasn’t spoken a word in roughly two weeks now.” Eloise heard Margot whisper into her phone. She sighed as she rested her head on the cool wall and closed her eyes, listening to her best friend talk about her to whom she assumed was Max. “No, not even to me Max.” Yes, it was Max.

“I just don’t know what to do, she’s been avoiding me and I can barely get her out of her room except to eat and go visit her father…” Eloise’s breath hitched in her throat as things got silent for a moment. She carefully folded the corner of the worn page of her book as she set it down and pressed her ear harder to the wall. “Yes, but I don’t think her father’s depleting health has everything to do with it.” Margot continued, “She’s been dealing with him in this state for years now and it hasn’t made her isolate herself like that… Oh… Oh, really now? Alright… I’ll do that then…” Eloise furrowed her brow in confusion. She really wished that she could hear what Max was saying now that it was his turn to talk, “Alright… Yeah, I’ll see you soon.”

Eloise quickly fell back on her bed and pretended to be reading as Margot opened the door and poked her head inside.

“Er, I’m going to the shop Sweets, will you be alright here alone?” Margot asked. She frowned as Eloise only nodded her head yes in response, not even looking up from her book, “Alright, I’ll probably be gone all day… see you later… goodbye now… I’m leaving.”

“Bye Margot.” Eloise rolled her eyes. Her voice came out cracked and tired from not being used in so long. Margot gave her a sympathetic smile before she closed the door behind her. Eloise listened for the door to close behind her. As soon as she knew she was alone, she walked over to her closet and pulled out an old record player she only took out every once and a while. She dusted it off and walked into the living room, placing it tenderly on the coffee table. She pulled one of her favourite albums off the bookcase and placed it on the player, putting the needle on it gently. As the sweet music filled her ears, she laid down on the couch and slowly fell asleep to the sounds of the music swimming around in her head.

An hour later she woke up to a loud banging on the door. Worried that something was wrong, she rushed to the door and swung it open only to see Josh smiling warmly down at her. “Eloise, it’s been a while.” He chuckled as he leaned on the door frame so she couldn't close the door if she wanted to. She merely raised a brow suspiciously as he walked straight past her into her apartment as if he lived there.

“And what is it you’re doing here Joshua?” She questioned, finally regaining her voice she had lost for so long.

“I’ve heard you were a little mopey lately, and I’ve been a little mopey lately, so I thought we could be a little mopey together.” He shrugged, “At least that was the plan I came up with on my way over here, I've just missed your company lately to be quite honest.”

“Well I don’t necessarily want any company at the moment.” She scowled.

“The Goo Goo Dolls?” Josh ignored her hostility as he was used to it from their first ever encounter and read the record sleeve that was lying on the table, “You like them?”

“Love them would be more sufficient.” Eloise blushed, “I’ve been a fan since I was a little girl thanks to my mum.”

“Well your mum was a wonderful woman then.” Josh beamed as he placed it back down again. He frowned when he noticed the tears welling up in the girl’s eyes, “Oh no, don’t cry.” Josh hurried to say as he rushed over to the girl and pulled her in for a hug, “Did I say something wrong?”

“No… no. Well, sort of.” Eloise sighed, “It’s a long story I’d rather not delve into right now.”

“I see, I see.” Josh smiled faintly as he wiped the tears off her face with his thumb. Eloise blushed and quickly pulled herself away from him as he did so, trying to hide her nerves as best as possible.

“I, er, want to listen to some music?” Josh coughed into his hand awkwardly as he walked over to the record player, positioning the needle correctly again. The introduction to the song Iris filled the room and Josh held out his hand to the girl, wriggling his eyebrows.

“What are you insinuating, Joshua?” Eloise giggled as she took his hand in her own. She let out a sharp gasp as he pulled her close and smiled.

“Just go with it.” He whispered roughly. They began to sway slowly to the music and Eloise rested her head on Josh’s chest as he began to whisper the lyrics. She closed her eyes and relaxed listening to the hum of his chest and the beating of his heart, just enjoying the moment, “When everything’s meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.” Josh sang louder as they pulled apart. The two of them just stared at each other for a moment before Josh leaned in and kissed the girl he was holding in his arms

It was as if suddenly everything made sense to Josh in that moment when their lips touched. He felt more alive than he had in years. The flavour of her lips was intoxicating to him, and he couldn’t get enough. He just couldn-

“Josh, no.” Eloise cried out as she pushed him off, “Stop it Joshua.”

“What did I do wrong?” Josh grimaced, “I mean we… you… me… you cannot deny you felt something Eloise!”

“It doesn’t matter what I did or didn’t feel, Joshua! I have a boyfriend!” She cried out, “You can’t just kiss me because you feel like it.”

“Just like you did to me at that club, yeah?” Josh growled, “Quit fooling yourself Eloise, we’d be good together and you know it!”

“Oh please, you’ve been talking to Max!” El rolled her eyes and threw her hands up angrily, “We can’t be together Josh. I- I barely know you, and I’ve already got a boyfriend!”

“Your boyfriend is a proper dick Eloise!” Josh spat venomously, “He doesn’t treat you the way a proper man should. He doesn’t treat you the way I would. He doesn’t deserve you El!”

“Oh, and you do, yeah?” Eloise shot right back at him, “Kissing me when you’ve got a girlfriend? You’re just as bad as any other guy out there Joshua, you just don’t want to admit it to yourself! You’ve never even met Caleb, I don’t care what others have been tell you, you’ve never met him to judge!”

Josh opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had him cornered and he knew it. “El, I-“

“Just leave, Joshua. Just go.”

“But…” Josh began to protest.

“I SAID GET OUT!” Eloise screamed, “GET OUT RIGHT NOW!” Josh’s heart broke when he looked into her eyes as he walked past, leaving the apartment. They were filled with so many emotions, he could tell. He saw anger, and hurt, and sadness, but what broke his heart the most was seeing the defeat in her eyes. She had been broken into too many pieces, and Josh wished he could be there to help put her back together, but she had pushed him away again, and Josh knew this time it would be a battle he couldn't win.