I adore the despair in you eyes

Bam's P.O.V
"I'm not letting you go to Finland."
"It's just for one weekend!" I said.
Missy sighed and rolled her eyes. I know I've pissed her off.
"I need to see if he's okay. He..." I started, but Missy stopped me.
"Brandon Margera, I don't care! You're not going to Finland just
to see if your friend is okay. He's not alone. His bandmates is with him."
I bit my lip. I know that Ville's bandmates is with him, but I wanted to see him.
"Can't I just...tell him to take a plane so he can visit us?" I suggested, even though I knew
that Missy'd say no.
"That's a stupid idea," she said. "We're married now, Bam."
"So he can't visit us, cause you and I are married?" I asked. "What do you think's going to happen,
do you think I'm going to have sex with him?"
"I didn't say that," Missy sighed. "I don't want to discuss this with you right now."
"Fine!" I said and walked out of the room.

I dialed his number. I wanted to hear his finnish voice again.
"Linde," a common voice said.
"Oh..hi, it's Bam," I said, a bit shocked.
Linde was quiet for a moment. "Long time no see."
I felt bad. "Ville called me a couple of weeks ago. I want to talk to him..Is he there?" I asked.
I heard Linde sigh. "Bam..he isn't okay. He's sick."
"What do you mean? Does he got the flu or.."
"No. He's sick. In his head," Linde explained. "Not like..maniac, but he's been acting weird since your wedding."
Fuck it. I knew it. "Look, I'm going to take the first plane to Finland tomorrow and.."
"You shouldn't." Linde sounded so angry, so sad. He's blaming me.
"I need to take care of him..talk to him face to face," I said. "If all this is my fault then I want to fix it."
Linde sighed again. "Okay. Do as you want. But don't you dare hurt him." Then he hung up.
Now I needed to explain all this to Missy..

Ville's P.O.V
"Linde, have you seen my phone?" I asked.
Linde searched through his pocket and handed my phone over.
"Why do you.." I started.
"Bam called."
I froze. "What? Why didn't you tell me my phone was ringing?!"
"You were asleep. Thought it was a bad idea to wake you up because of him," Linde said.
"Well..yeah..but..shit, what did he say?"
"We don't need to talk about this now, Ville," Linde sighed. "Go and lay down on the couch. Sleep."
"I don't have to fucking sleep!" I screamed.
Linde crossed his arms. "Are we going to have a problem, Ville?"
I stopped. Linde's never acted this way with me.
I felt the tears start to fall down my cheeks.
Linde looked shocked. "Ville.." he started.
"Stop it! I don't want to hear anything from you!" I screamed and ran to the hall to get out, but when
I opened the door I met Mige who stopped me.
"Hey, hey, where are you going?" Mige said and dropped the plastic bags with food that he was carrying.
I quickly dried my tears. "Out..buy cigarettes."
"Didn't you quit that shit?" Mige said and took off his jacket.
"No."
"You're not going anywhere right now, Ville. We can buy smokes tomorrow."
I sighed and walked into the kitchen and sat down on a chair.
Mige came after me with the plastic bags and started to place the food in the fridge.

"You want some yoghurt or anything?" Mige said when he was finished.
"No thanks," I mumbled.
Mige sat down on the chair next to me and looked at me.
He took my hand and inspected it. I watched him stroke the visible bones and then looked into his eyes.
He met my gaze and opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it again.

White walls, white floors, white clothes.
Everything was so white that it hurted my eyes. I didn't know why Mige and Linde had taken
me to the hospital, and I was pissed that they hadn't talk to me at first.
I know that I had nothing to do here.
"Hello, I'm Gary and I'm your doctor," the man in a white coat who just had entered the room
said and reached out his hand in greeting.
I just looked at it and put my hands in my pockets.
"Well then.." the doctor took down his hand and gave me a smile. "Let's get started..take off your shirt, please."
I did as he said, suprised that the doctor wasn't going blind because of my pale skin when he put the cold stethoscope to my chest.
I looked down on the floor all the time - didn't want to meet Mige or Linde's gaze, didn't want them to look at my body, I just wanted this to get over so I could go home.
When the doctor checked my weight I closed my eyes, afraid to see the numbers. When I opened my eyes the doctor sat on his chair and wrote something down and I got down from the scale.
"Please sit, Ville," the doctor said.
I sat down on the hard chair not far away from the doctor's desk.
"Tell me what you're thinking of," he continued, looking at me through the glasses.
"Nothing," I quickly answered, uncomfortable because of Linde and Mige.
"You must be thinking about something? How do you feel about coming here today, for example?"
"I'm mad. I know there's nothing wrong with me," I mumbled.
"For what I've seen, your extremely underweight," the doctor said, while writing something else down.
"I've always been this way, and Mige and Linde know it."
"What about your alcoholproblem?" What the fuck, have the guy's having contact with this doctor forever or what?
"I'm not going to answer that or any more question," I said, standing up.
The doctor opened his mouth but I just looked at Mige and Linde and said, "We're going home now."

I was quiet all the way home.
I sat in the backseat, looking out of the window, while Mige and Linde's voices seemed to be far away.
They discussed something, probably about "what they where supposed to do", but I didn't care. I didn't want to listen.
All I could think about was Bam.

Bam's P.O.V
The house. My ass hurt because of the uncomfortable seats in the airplane, but now I was in Europe.
In front of their house. I took a deep breath and knocked.
After a while, Gas opened. "Woah!" he exclaimed. "Long time no fucking see!"
I smiled a bit. "Is Ville here?"
Gas shook his head. "Not at the moment. But you can come in."
He moved so I could get pass.
"Do you want coffee or anything?" Gas asked as we walked into the kitchen.
"Coffee'll be good, thanks," I said and sat down on a chair.
He gave me a cup and sat down on a chair next to me.
"So...where's Ville and the rest of the guys?" I asked and took a sip.
"They're at the hospital...with Ville," Gas answered and I almost choked on my coffee.
"Hosp...what? Why? What's wrong?!"
"We're just worried about him. He've been acting weird for a while," Gas said.
I nodded. "Linde told me."
Suddenly, Ville walked into the kitchen and my heart stopped.
He didn't see me at first, he just opened the fridge to look after something.
He was skinny, I mean, Ville have always been skinny, but now it's like...sickly skinny.
His hair was longer and he looked tired, but he was gorgeous as always.
Gas grinned a bit, "Ville?"
Ville didn't look up from the fridge. "I don't want to talk."
"You just did," Gas said and winked at me.
"Ha-ha-ha, smarthead. Why don't you just..." He turned around to look at Gas as he spoke, but finally noticed me and stopped. He stared at me like I was some alien from Mars or something, and I stood up.
"Hi..." I whispered.
Ville closed his mouth and started crying like a teenie that just won prom queen and runned towards me and threw his arms around my neck.
I held him tightly against my body and felt his tears fall down on my neck.
I closed my eyes and wondered why I'd ever leaved him as I rocked him back and forth.