I adore the despair in you eyes

Chapter five.

Ville’s P.O.V.
Something hit my window.
I turned over, thinking that it may’ve been a bird or something.
Something hit my window again.
I opened my eyes and sat up, mumbling. “Freaky fans that can’t even let you sleep…”
I walked to the window and looked out. There was Estella. I looked back to see if the bedroom door was closed, and then opened the window.
“What are you doing here?”
“I haven’t seen you in a while. Figured that you maybe want some more of the good stuff”, Estella said and smiled.
“I don’t…” I started, but then stopped. “Wait a minute.”

I hate stairs. As fast as I sat down my feet on the first step, it creaked. I bit my lip. I needed to get down.
After a while, I finally managed to sneak down without making any too high sounds. I put on my shoes and opened the door and finally… “Where are you going?”
I turned around. Mige. “I’m just going out for a smoke”, I mumbled.
“I thought you said you quit.” He crossed his arms.
“I told you yesterday I didn’t.”
“You don’t have any cigarettes.”
“That’s why I’m going out”, I answered, starting to get really annoyed. I knew Estella waited, but I couldn’t leave the house if I didn’t get Mige away first.
“Please Mige”, I continued. “I’m just going to the gas station, buy some cigarettes, smoke and then I’ll come back. If I don’t get some nicotine or a walk, I can’t sleep.”
Mige bit his lip. “Do you have your phone with you?”
I nodded.
“I give you half an hour. If you’re not back by then…”
“I will be back in half an hour. I promise,” I said and smiled.

I was out. Finally. I quickly walked around the house and met Estella.
“I thought you wouldn’t come”, she said and lit up something that looked like a cigarette, but obviously wasn’t.
“How did you know where I live anyway?” I said, looking at her as she smoked. The smoke coming out of the cigarette was sweet and sticky, not nicotine-ish as it used to be.
“Friends of friends,” she said and passed the cigarette to me. “Try this.”
I took it. “What is this?”
Estella just nodded at me to take a drag, and I did. It made me cough.
“That, my friend, was some good ol’ Mary Jane”, she explained. “Not too expensive and it’s pretty good shit. The bad part is that you smell pretty much after you’ve smoked.”
I took a few more drags before handing the joint over.
Suddenly, I felt that giggly feeling I’d felt at the party. “I couldn’t see it before, but everything is so beautiful!” I shrieked. I knew I needed to go to the gas station to buy those cigarettes so Mige wouldn’t be suspicious. But who needed nicotine, when marijuana existed? That’s the only thing I could think of that moment.

Mige’s P.O.V
I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have let him go by himself.
Twenty minutes had gone. In ten minutes, he could call him.
I poured myself another cup of coffee – Yes I know that you shouldn’t be drinking anything with caffeine when you’re supposed to sleep – and sat down.
Ten minutes more go. Okay, maybe I can give him another ten minutes. The gas station probably was full of people by this hour.
Twenty minutes more go. I took up my phone and dialed his number. It was busy. Maybe he’s talking to someone else on the way home. I put my phone on the kitchen table, trying not to think of the “bad people” who’re out this hour.
Forty minutes more go. I even went out and walked a bit to meet him. He didn’t come. I called again. No answer.
One hour. Panic. I really shouldn’t let him go by himself. He’s probably in some back alley, getting someone’s dick in his arse while someone else is holding him down. I call again. Still nothing.
One and a half hour. If he doesn’t answer now, I’m really going to panic. I dialed his number for the fourth time. He doesn’t answer. I ran up the stairs and into Linde’s room and scream. “I let Ville out by himself, he told me he was going to buy some cigarettes and I gave him half an hour and it have been one and a half and he’s still not back and he’s…”

“Mige…Mige…calm down,” Linde said, rubbing off the sleep from his eyes.
I knew I’d been talking to fast. “Calm down?! Ville’s fucking gone and you’re telling me to calm down?!” I couldn’t help but scream again.
I saw Bam and Gas in the corner of my eye.
“Have you tried to call?” Linde asked and sat up.
“Of course I’ve tried to call! I told him I would if he wasn’t home after half an hour!”
Linde looked at me like “why did you let him out by this hour anyway?” and then looked at Bam. “I thought you were sharing room with him. Where were you?”
Linde was mad. Really, really mad.
“I was showering”, Bam said and bit his lip, looking at me to get some help.
“By this hour? You made him go! You…”
The door downstairs opened and everyone froze.

Bam’s P.O.V.
I swallowed – happy that I didn’t get more of Linde’s telling-off. Someone rumbled up the stairs and a black shape moved towards us.
He smelled like alcohol and smoke; Not the ordinary tobacco smell, though. It smelled sweet and sticky.
Mige took a deep breath. He obviously didn’t want to scare Ville. “I told you to be back in half an hour.”
Ville just looked at him, like he didn’t understand a word.
Mige tried again, “I tried to call you. You didn’t answer.”
Ville started to laugh. It was a scary laugh and he leaned towards me and I met his gaze. His pupils were black, so deep and he was so beyond himself that it scared me.
“What’s wrong with you, Ville?” I whispered.
“Oh like you haven’t told them!” He backed off and screamed. “Like you haven’t told them about your fucking baby and how you got here just to fuck me in the fucking ass! Don’t fucking lie to me cause you fucking have!”
I felt everyone’s glance on my back. I looked at Mige who bit his lip and then Linde – the one I knew would be most pissed off.
And oh, he was pissed. I could see his insides boil. “We haven’t…we didn’t have sex. He’s lying.” I said.
Ville grunted. I turned around to look at him again. A book came flying towards me.
“Look at you, you fucking liar! You fucking used me! I’m going to fucking kill myself and I’m going to take you with me, and I’m…”
He bent over and threw up. Gas was quick and scooped Ville into his arms, holding back his hair. “It’s okay. You just keep going…Mige, can you get me a bucket?”
Mige nodded slowly and went to get a bucket and Ville hulked. He was crying now.
“Oh God, why does he hurt me so much, Gas?” he said, talking like I wasn’t even near him. Mige said something to him in Finnish, probably something about me since Bam was the only thing I could understand, but Ville shook his head and kept going. “He hurts me! He hurts me! I love him, he loved me, he got married cause he’s too afraid to love a guy! And now he’s going to have a fucking kid, Gas!”
I felt the tears burn in my eyes. I turned around to face Linde, who pulled his dreads.
“You should go.”
“I’m sorry, I…” I started.
“In the morning I want you gone. You get that?”
I opened my mouth to say something more, but closed it again and nodded.
I took my stuff and walked down to the living room to sleep on the couch. Even when I pressed my hands against my ears, I could hear Ville’s coughs and sobs.