I adore the despair in you eyes

Ville's P.O.V
Jesus Christ.
Where the fuck was I?
I opened my eyes to see my own dark purple wallpapers and sighed, relieved.
At least I got home. I turned over, but no Bam was beside me.
I heard voices from the kitchen and got up. Where they awake when I got home? Did I say something to them? Where was Bam?
When I entered the kitchen, my bandmates went silent.
"Where's Bam?"
Linde held his coffee mug so hard that his knuckles went white, but they still didn't say anything.
I tried again. "His skateboard is gone, so maybe..."
"His bags isn't here either, Ville." Mige poured some coffee in a mug and gave it to me.
It took me a while until I understood what he'd just said.
"His...what?"
Did he leave me again? What did I do? What do you mean? He used you, just like he always does.
"Go to bed, Ville." Linde stood up and walked over to me.
"Is that all you have to say? As fast as I fucking open my mouth, you tell me to go to fucking bed!" I threw away the cup of coffee I had in my hand. It hit the wall right next to Gas and Mige. The coffee splashed all over the room and Linde grabbed my hands. "That's it, Ville."
"That's fucking what?!" I kicked him to get him to release my hands, but he was stronger than me. I was weaker than ever and I fucking hated it. I almost gave up; But that's when I saw the brochure on the fridge.
"You're going to put me in a fucking rehab?!"
Linde opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him. "You think I'm sick? I'm going to show you fucking sick!"
I finally managed to get my hands away from Lindes grip and opened the knife drawer and...
"Linde, for fucks sake, stop him!"
...took up the sharpest knife, pressed it against my wrist and let the blade caress my skin before Linde had the time to stop me.
Everyone froze. I stared at the blood pouring out from the cut that went through my tattoo. Linde looked like he could pass out any moment. He didn't do anything. Mige stood up, grabbed a towel and pressed it against my cut.
I could hear everyone talking, about me, why, does he need stitches and why can't they just shut the hell up?
"It's just a fucking cut!" I screamed and pulled away from Mige and the towel. "It's not going to kill me."
I saw Burton and Gas in the corner of my eye. They were busy picking up the pieces from the scattered coffee cup I threw.
Idiots.

Bam's P.O.V.
I was at the airport, mentally hitting myself for acting like a fucking jerk.
How the fuck could I leave Ville alone?
When I fucking knew what state he was in?

I should stay here. He needs me.
What about home?
What about it?
Your friends, your parents...your pregnant wife?
Missy won't be in labour for a while.
Don't you want to support her through the pregnancy?
I don't...
Do you want to be with her at all?
I...don't even fucking know anymore.

Don't get me wrong, Missy is wonderful. She helps me through everything and her patient is amazing. She knows how much the stunts means to me; not like Jenn who went completely mad as fast as I did something.

But she's not Ville.
She's definitely not Ville.
Ville – with the deep voice that makes you heart beat faster,
Ville – who sings like a fucking God,
Ville – who have hands like a fucking God,
Ville – who makes your world spin like crazy right before you cum.

I don't have the heart to leave a pregnant woman behind.
You can live without Ville. You've been through this before.
The last time me and Ville decided to go seperate ways, my heart where broken for months...and when I met Missy, everything changed. When I said goodbye to Ville that last time after my wedding, I thought I'd never see him again, not with that look he had in his eyes during the wedding.
I tried to smile at him the whole time, but he kept his eyes on Missy. I can still have fucking nightmares about that cold look.
I wasn't even ready to get married. Everything went so fast – suddenly I was engaged and MTV wanted a show about my wedding. At the beginning, I just laughed at it and let them film it.
When Missy told me she was pregnant, I felt my whole life fall apart.
I'm not ready to be a dad. I'm just not fucking ready.

I fingered at my phone, ready to make the call.
...What the fuck am I supposed to do?

I took a deep breath and dialed Ville's number and put the phone to my ear.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Pick up. Pick up. No, don't pick up. Don't...

"Hello?"
"Ville! It's me, I'm so sorry, I..."
"Bam, you should leave Ville the fuck alone."
Linde sounded just as angry as he were yesterday.
"Let me speak to Ville."
"Ville's asleep."
I sighed. "Linde, please. I'm so sorry. You know I wouldn't hurt Ville on purpose."
"Don't you have a pregnant wife to take care of at home?"
"I wan't to be with Ville."
Silence.
"I don't want you to hurt his feelings. And I know you fucking will."
"No, I won't! Please Linde, you got to believe me, I love him! I would never..."
Click.
...Was Linde crying?

Ville's P.O.V.
I pulled on the bandage that they have forced me to wear.
I sighed and turned over, feeling Bam's scent on the pillow next to me.
Bam, Bam, Bam. Why is everything so hard?
I heard Linde talking with someone on the phone and buried my head in the Bampillow.
Now I'm acting like a teenage girl again.
I sat up and frowned when I heard sobbing from the living room.
Maybe I'm just loosing my mind...
I stood up. Another sob.
I swallowed and went to the livingroom, just to see Linde in tears.
"Linde?" I whispered.
Linde frozed and quickly dried his tears.
"Ville...I thought you were asleep."

I sat down next to him. "I where. But I heard you." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Tell me what's wrong."
Linde shook his head. "It's nothing. It's just stress."
"Is it me?"
"N-no...Maybe...It's just...what do you see in Bam?"
I pulled back. "Why do you ask? You don't like him and you obviously don't wanna hear anything about him."
Linde looked at me with teary eyes.
"It's nothing wrong with Bam."
"Then why do you hate him so much?!" I yelled.

Linde sobbed, grabbed my neck and kissed me. Hard.
I grabbed his hair and he pushed me down on the couch and our tongues battled.
His hands were all over my body, touching and gently fondling.
His hands are softer than Bam's.
Bam.
I opened my eyes and pulled Linde away.
"Linde, I can't..."
Linde stood up. "I'm sorry. I..."
I stopped him. "Why did you just do that?"
Linde bit his lip before answering.

"Ville, I can't stand another moment without you."