Courageous

The next morning after our brief practice to get used to the ice was a more difficult task than normal because I knew that I was going to meet James for lunch. Somewhere deep down inside of me, there was an urge for me to turn around, go back home, and hide underneath my covers for the rest of the night. Oh yes, that option was very tempting, but it wouldn't do me any good hiding from my problems rather than just facing them and I needed to fix this problem before it got more out of hand than it already was.

Hand upon my shoulder stopped me before I was able to walk out of the visitor’s locker room and I got that smile I always got whenever I saw Hank despite the situation I was about to enter. Stepping into his open arms, I knew I was going to need the extra bit of courage that he provided just to get through this. Hank wrapped his arms tightly around my body as if he was trying to protect me from what was about to happen and I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head. His actions showed that he was just as worried about this as I was. We stood like that for a while longer just to comfort each other before I pulled away, knowing that I had to leave before James started to get suspicious.

Sighing, I exited the dressing room and mustered the rest of the courage I would need to in order to fulfill what I had planned to do. But as soon as I saw James standing not too far from the door, my nerves kicked in and my stomach began to churn as my heart began to ache because I knew that this was about to get really ugly. I was even more positive that this wasn’t going to be easy as I approached him because the typical goofy smile that was usually tugging at his lips was gone. Instead, he stood there leaning against the concrete wall with a rather serious face and his hands shoved in his pockets as he watched me walk over to him.

“Ready?” I asked him with a halfhearted smile because I was beginning to feel guilty for what I had done to him without him knowing. Even if he had deserved it.

“Yep.” James nodded and pushed off the wall he had been leaning on before leading me out of the stadium and out to the parking lot towards his car.

I followed a few steps behind him with my head hanging down so that I wouldn’t draw the attention of any bystanders who might have been around. I didn’t need anyone else to be involved in my mess than there already were. Biting my lip, I went over all the ways I had thought up as to how I was going to broach the subject with him before we exited the parking lot. But I felt like I was just going around in circles because of how unsure I was about just how do execute this in the least painful manner.

James was still kind of enough to hold the passenger door open for me when we had finally made it to his car and shut the door once I was safely inside. Gulping, I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I watched him walk around to get into the driver’s seat. Once he was inside, I decided that I needed to know if I was making the right choice by choosing to be with Hank. So I placed a hand on his shoulder to get his attention as I leaned in to press my lips against his in a gentle kiss. But when James didn’t respond like he had almost a month ago I knew that things with him weren’t meant to be. Sighing, I pulled away, accidently looking into the back seat as I did so to see a pair of lacey underwear in the backseat. Frowning, I decided to put on an act in order to get him to admit to what he had been doing. Reaching back I picked up all the evidence I needed in order to know that Talbot had been telling the truth.

“What’s this?” I asked him, waving the item of clothing in his face. James’ usually pale face immediately turned as red as a tomato when he saw what I was holding.

Snatching, the underwear out of my hand and he threw it back into the backseat as he struggled to say something. When he couldn’t come up with an excuse he just looked down at his hands that were now resting in his lap. Shaking my head at him, I couldn’t believe that someone who seemed as shy as James was actually a man whore.

“Well… Who is she?”

“It’s none of your business.” He hissed at me as I pried for more information because he knew that he had been caught almost red handed. Rolling my eyes at him I couldn’t help but feel somewhat betrayed as tears threatened to fall from my eyes,

“Is she why you don’t ever talk to me?”

Putting his hands up as if to protect himself, James stuttered a little before he answered, “I-it’s not what it looks like, Kayla.”

Frowning, I shake my head at him and hold out my hand to stop him from making another excuse, “Is she why you didn’t come up to New York on New Years?”

“No, not this one.” James choked out as he fell into the trap I had laid for him. I couldn’t help but be pissed off to find out that Max hadn’t been lying to me after all. I had talked myself into giving him the benefit of the doubt but he just proved that he was guilty of everything the fucking Flyer had told me.

“How many girls has there been, James?” I pressed, not wanting to play around anyone just as Hank started to call me.

Looking down at the phone that I had laid in my lap, James eyes grew dark with unchanneled fury as he saw that Hank was trying to contact me. The stone cold glare he sent me as he looked back up almost scared me as he asked me with venom dripping in his voice,

“Why is it that you are always with Henrik Lundqvist?”

Scoffing, I glared back at him because he was accusing me of cheating long before he had ever laid a hand on another woman. There was no way that was possible because of the bet he would’ve had to have started before we had met on that day back in November. I knew that he was also using Hank as a way to avoid talking about how he had been cheating on me with all those other women when he said that he had wanted to be with me. But I wasn’t in the mood anymore to be playing games so I decided to tell him straight up,

“Because he was around when you weren’t.”

Shaking his head, James pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was the one who had been harmed. I wondered why he could feel that way when he had been the one who had started this whole thing. I would’ve never allowed Hank to become more than just a friend and a teammate if James hadn’t ignored me time after time. Maybe he was finally realizing how badly he had fucked this up?

“James, I’m not gonna lie to you even though I know that you’ve been lying to me.” I continued after allowing him to digest what I had just told him. He opened his mouth as if to deny that he had been lying to me, but I held my hand up to stop him once more before I continued, “I have to tell you this, but I’ve been seeing Hank since Max Talbot told me that you had this bet with Jordan Staal and Tyler Kennedy going to see who could get more girls in their bed by the end of the season.”

“Max Talbot told you?” James was in slight shock to find out that I had found out about his indiscretions from his former teammate, but I knew that he was only saying that to cover up the fact that he was as guilty as charged.

I nodded my head, confidently as I stared him down, “So it’s true?”

When James didn’t respond, I decided that I had said everything that I had needed to and had everything confirmed that I feared. Honestly, I couldn’t believe that such a seemingly sweet guy like James could have such ill intentions towards women. Opening my door, I got out of the car as tears started to trickle down my cheeks so that I could make it back to the team bus before it left. I heard a door slam behind me as before I knew it James had caught me by the arm and was spinning me back around to face him,

“We’re not done here.”

Frowning, I shoved him away from before pointing my finger in his face, “I am. I’m done with this. I’m done with you. We’re done.”

“No! We’re not, you little whore.” James spat back at me as he tried to grab me again as I tried to walk away once again.
When his words fell upon my ears, I whirled around blinded by my tears and a newfound rage as my hand raised and before I knew it, I had slapped James as hard as I possibly could,

“How. Dare. YOU. Call. Me. A. Whore.” I glared at him as I got up in his face and poked his chest to emphasize my point, “If anyone is the whore, it’s you. You weren’t going to be just another notch in my bedpost like you were planning for me. I tried to like you as more than a friend and every part of me did except my heart.”

James just stood there in shock as I continued to dominate him. Every part of me urging me to beat the shit out of him right here now like I would’ve done if this had occurred out on the ice. But I was still rational enough to remember that fighting wasn’t acceptable in society unless it was for sport but this wasn’t sport. This was about love.

Turning away from the man who I had once thought I could love, I marched back into CONSOL swiftly as delayed tears fell from my watery eyes as I made my way to the bus. I sighed in relief to find that it was still there, presumably waiting on me. As the door slid open, I jogged over in order to not make the rest of my team wait on me any longer than they already had.

Once inside the bus, I looked around at the guys still sobbing from the shock that James had actually been cheating on me. I saw that there were free seats next to Hank, Brad, Michael, and Brian but I chose to take the completely empty seats in the front of bus because I knew that they would all be trying to comfort me. But I didn’t want to be comforted right now. I had to accept this on my own. There was no way for any of them to understand what I was going through and they didn’t need to. Looking out of the window, I allowed myself to continue to cry despite how much I hated the feeling of crying. I wept, silently for the rest of the ride to the hotel.

I was the first one off the bus as I ran into the hotel and made a b line right for the nearest women’s rest room on the main floor. Leaning against the door, a new feeling came over me… It was a feeling of relief as if I had been freed from bearing a large burden. I, suddenly, felt lighter but also so emotionally exhausted that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to play tonight. I continued to cry for another five to ten minutes until I finally managed to quit sobbing. I, then, walked over to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror hanging above it.

To my surprise, I didn’t see the heart broken girl that I had expected to see. Instead, I saw someone who had found inner peace. It was so surreal that I almost didn’t know how to accept this new strange calm that had washed over me. I stared at this strange person for another moment or two before; I turned on the cold water to numb my bright red face. After I had dabbed off what water hadn’t run off my face I was almost beginning to feel human enough to interact with people again.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I looked to my left and right to see if any of my teammates had been waiting on me to emerge from the bathroom. I let out a sigh of relief when I didn’t see hide or hair of another Ranger within the vicinity. I was glade because I didn’t want to talk to anyone before I had a chance to talk to Torts. On shaky legs, I made my way towards Torts’ designated room because I needed to tell him that I wasn’t going to be able to play tonight.

Knocking on his door, I hoped that I wasn’t interrupting anything. I knew that he would be pissed at me if he were in the middle of something important. But to my surprise, the salt and pepper hair man opened the door; I was met with a look of sympathy as he let me into his room.

“Are you alright, Mickie?” My head coached asked me with a tender hearted and concerned look that I had never seen on the man’s face since I had known him. Nodding, I cleared my throat a little before I decided to inform him,

“Yes, I feel a lot better now. Actually. Thank you for asking.”

Torts moved to sit on the edge of his bed and patted the spot next to him but I declined his offer. Nodding, he then said, “I knew that something wasn’t right when you got on the bus in tears and didn’t go directly to Hank or Brian. But I didn’t know what until Hank told me what you had just come back from doing. That was a very grown up thing of you to do.”

“I guess so, sir.” I shrugged his unnecessary compliment off, “I was tried of the mess that I had made so I decided to clean it up.”

“That was still a very mature decision. A lot of the guys on this team wouldn’t have had the guts to do what you just did.” He informed me. I decided to take his words for what they meant because he knew these guys like they were his sons.

Nodding, I had to agree with him on that statement but then I decided to inform him of what I had come to him for, “Coach, I’d like to be scratched from the lineup tonight. I know that Woywitka has been cleared to play… Why don’t have you let him play.”

Coach sighed as he ran a hands over his tired face, “Mickie, I know you’re emotionally exhausted but I’m going to have to change my defensive game plan if you don’t play tonight.”

I understood where the man was coming from. I was aware that I had become a key part of the defense as the season had progressed and that I had the most ice time on the team besides Hank. I knew that it was going to be extremely hard for Torts to restructure his game plan to make up for me not playing. But I knew that he could handle it.

“Coach, I just can’t play… I’m not in the right mind to play. I could get hurt.” I pointed out to him before continuing, “If I get hurt tonight then I might be out longer for far longer than just one night.”

Torts knew that my point was valid. An extremely valid point because there was a very high possibility that I could get injured if my mind wasn’t in the game. If I got injured then it would hurt my chances of being voted to be an All-Star as a rookie and it would also hurt the team if I were out for too long. Eventually, coach agreed with me,

“Ok, I’ll scratch you. But you’re not getting any more freebies for the rest of the season. Do ya hear me? I shouldn’t be scratching you but I can’t afford the potential injury if I make you play.”

Managing a soft smile, I hug the grizzly man before exiting his room and not saying another word. As I do, I can’t help but think to myself that convincing Torts had been a lot easier that I had originally expected. Playing the ‘what if’ card had played to my favor and worked extremely well once I had him thinking about me possibly getting injured. Now, all I had to do was go back to my room and debrief Hank of what had happened with James.

After unlocking the door, I saw that the lights were off and the curtains were drawn tight so I knew that Hank was taking his pregame nap. I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty knowing that I was about to wake him as I made my way over to the bed. I sat down on its edge and kicked off my shoes before crawling across the mattress towards the headboard. As I looked down at my Swede’s peaceful face, I ran a hand through his soft, brown hair in order to rouse him from his slumber. I smiled, slightly when I saw Hank’s hand move up from his side to engulf mine as he sat up. His other hand came up to cup the side of my face as his crystal blue eyes bore into mine. I could see the concern on his face, so I used my free hand to draw him closer to me so that our foreheads were touching.

“It’s alright. I’m okay now.” I whispered to him as I wrapped my arm around the back of his neck. Hank didn’t say anything at first and we sat there for what seemed like an eternity. I knew he was relieved when he dropped the hand he had been holding and threaded his own through the hair at the back of my head as he brought his lips to meet mine in the most tender and careful way.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the way he had decided to kiss me but that was not how I wanted to be kissed at the moment. I didn’t need to be comforted. I needed him to claim my body, to know that I was his. So I raked my hands through his hair as I broke away for air before molding my lips back to his with much more force than what Hank had used to initiate the first kiss. Finally catching my hint, Hank kissed me back with just as much if not more force as he gently pushed me back into the mattress as he moved so that his body covered me. Smirking slightly against his lips, I used the opportunity to grind my hips into his before I hooked my leg around his waist as I pulled our bodies closer so that there wasn’t an inch that was touching. I shivered when I felt his arousal press against my center because I knew that he had realized that he had wanted the same thing as well.

Before I knew what was happening, Hank had undone and pulled off my pants and shirt along with his own all while never breaking off our make out session. Somehow, he had even managed to get a condom out of his wallet and slid it on before he nestled himself between my thighs. I sighed against his lips as I felt him enter me, slowly but surely as my inside muscles stretched to accommodate his size perfectly. That was when I pulled back slightly allowing my lips to caress his as I whispered to him,

“I love you.”

Hank smiled down at me, his eyes shining with happiness and need, “I love you, too, Mickayla.”

His words died upon my lips as his came to crash against mine before he took me in a way that only he could. He, then, proceeded to fulfill my need to have him claim me as he slowly showed me how much he loved me. This time there was a smoldering passion that flared up as we made love. It was the kind of passion that’s embers would last long after we had finished connecting with each other.

Hours later I found myself sitting in the press box watching the game take place that I should’ve been playing in. But everyone had agreed that it was necessary in order to prevent any unneeded injury to me. It was killing me to not be out there with the guys but they had assured me that they also thought I needed to sit out tonight. I just hoped that they could handle the Penguins without me on the ice to save their asses.

My eyes strayed from center ice and over to Hank, who was stretching out in his crease. I shivered as I thought about how flexible he was both on and off the ice because he used it to his advantage every time we made love. But he also used it to his advantage whenever he had to ‘stand on his head’ to make a big saves when our teammates and I fucked up and it wasn’t long after the puck dropped that I got to see my Swede put his skills to work by stopping a shot made by no one other than James, then another by Michalek that followed shortly after.

Groaning, I knew that this game was going to be the death of me because I knew those idiots weren’t capable of playing good defense without me. They were already making stupid mistakes that they wouldn’t have been if I were out on the ice. Had they suddenly lost their decision making skills because they were so slow to react to the Penguins fast paced offense that I almost couldn’t watch. Rubbing my eyes, then I sighed because I realized that this was going to be an extremely long game.

As the game went along, I had several near heart attacks and threw several fits as I watched my teammates make mistakes and the Penguins capitalize on them like when Ben Lovejoy managed to get a wristshot underneath Hanks pads. In that moment, I had the urge to go down to the locker room and wait for the intermission so that I could beat the shit out of Stu Bickel and Marc before being so dumb and for letting the little shit make that goal. Thankfully, Brad tied the game up before I could justify the trip down there.

In the second period, things were going much better for us. We were finally playing the way we were supposed to play. I couldn’t help but smile because I knew that Torts had probably lit a fire under their asses in order to get them to play the way they were supposed to be playing. It was good to see them playing the right way. But then, I nearly fell out of my chair when I saw Dubi put the biscuit in the basket, which caused me to cheer for me teammates even if they couldn’t hear me,

“FUCKIN’ RIGHTS!”

Dubi’s goal allowed the team to take the lead for the first time during the game and allowed me to breath a little easier because now all they had to do was make sure that those pesky flightless birds didn’t score again for the rest of the game. After that I was finally able to enjoy the beer I had ordered early on in the first. Normally, I hated the taste of beer but I had to cater to my surrounding since there wasn’t anything else to drink. Bringing the plastic cup to my lips, I allowed the yeasty tasting alcohol to enter my mouth but it was a struggle to get it down my throat because the taste was so disgusting that I almost threw up before I had the chance to swallow. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose in disgust, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy a decent alcoholic beverage until I got back to my apartment in Chelsea.

Derek Stepan scored early on in the third period extending our lead over the Penguins by two goals, but that didn’t mean that we had the game won by any means. There was still too much time left for things to fall apart for us like they occasionally did. But thankfully, the guys had managed to hold on and as the final buzzer sounded. Finally, I was able to breathe normally after such a suspenseful performance by my teammates. It comforted me to know that they were willing to have my back and stick up for me when the rest of the world was after me.

Making my way down to the visitor’s lock room so that I could rejoin the team and congratulate my boys on the 3-1 victory over the Penguins. I saw a tall redhead stepping out of the Penguins press box with Mario Lemieux and Ray Shero. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t recognize this woman at first because she’s one of the most prominent women in Canadian ice hockey. That woman is Brittany LeMond, one of the most decorated women having won a Women’s World Ice Hockey Championship, a Memorial Cup, two Olympic gold medals, and two Clarkson Cups. So she’s basically the female version of Sidney Crosby. Could I admit that I’m a little star struck by this woman? Yeah, but who wouldn’t be by someone like her who has everything that I’ve ever wanted but have never had the opportunity to earn.

Why was she here in Pittsburgh? I was sure that she was currently in the middle of the WHL with the Montreal Stars. It’s a little out of the way to be coming to a game unless she’s injured. But I couldn’t remember reading anything about her being hurt because news of Brittany LeMond being injured would be all over the hockey world in a matter of hours. Just like when it was announced Sidney Crosby had a concussion last year, everyone knew about it. But those are the reactions that most superstars of any sport get.

“Excuse me, are you Mickayla Hammer?” A smooth, silky voice inquired breaking my train of thoughts.

Blinking, my mouth dropped open when I saw that Brittany LeMond was standing right in front of me. To my surprise, she wasn’t as tall as she always looked in pictures. She was at least two inches shorter than me but nonetheless intimidating. There was just something about her that commanded attention and respect that forced me to completely focus on the ginger before me as I finally managed to find the words to answer her,

“Yep, that’s me. The one and only.”

Brittany nodded, her mouth pressed into a thin line, as she looked me up and down as if I was a cut of meat. For some reason, I couldn’t help but feel nervous as the woman seemingly judged me. But my nerves only became worse when she spoke,

“Pity I didn’t get to see you play. Shero said you scratched with bruised shoulder.”

I knew that she didn’t believe that at all. I could tell that by the unimpressed look on her face.

“Yeah,” I confirmed, bringing my right hand up to cradle my left shoulder, “Brian Campbell got me good last night and Torts didn’t want to take a chance so close to the All- Star Break.”

Nodding, she almost looked bored, “I see. Well, let’s hope you get a selected.”

“Thank,” I managed to smile at her, “It’d be an honor to get to participate.”

Her eyes glazed over as she agreed with me, “I can only imagine.”

Giggling, I couldn’t help but feel as if I had connected with the 2-time Olympian so I mustered up the courage to ask her, “Do you think- if you have time to- this summer, could you help me out with a few things? I’ve looked up to you for the longest time and I’d love to be able to skate on the same ice as you.”

Brittany turned her attention back to me and stared at me for what felt like an eternity as if she was checking to see if she would have time to fit me into her schedule this summer. But she also seemed as if she was holding something back.

“You may get that opportunity sooner than you think.” She, finally, stated with a growing smirk, “I’ll have to talk to my agent because he knows my offseason schedule better than I do. But I’m sure we’ll be able to pencil you in a few times before preseason starts.”

“Really?” Hearing her say that she’d have time to help with my training had me partially bursting at the seams.

“Of course,” She grinned back at me, “From what I’ve been told, you’ve got a lot of promise. You just need a little fine tuning and some challenges and you’ll one hell of a hockey player.”

“You think so?” She nodded and was about to say something else when her iPhone buzzed, pulling it out she checked it and then said,

“Mickayla, I’d love to stay and chat but I’ve got a plane to catch.”

“Alright, see you this summer!” I offered her my hand, but she passed it up and did the European kiss on the cheek thing.

“Good luck, with the rest of the season. You’re gonna need it.” She informed me, then turned, and headed in the direction of the Penguins locker room.

I stood there watching here walk away for a few minutes, still stunned that I had just met one of the best current women’s ice hockey players. A woman, who had won Olympic gold before the Vancouver Giants had even drafted me and had won a second gold medal before I had even graduated from Boston College. I couldn’t help but feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to meet her off the ice and to have the opportunity to possibly train with her during the offseason. Maybe I’d be selected to join the women’s Olympic team to compete in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia and get to play alongside her and all the other women I admire.

But that was a big ‘what if’ and at this point, it was two years away and a lot could happen between now and then. I had to focus on the here and now. One day at a time. After the All-Star Break it would be a fast and furious down hill push for the playoffs. I would have to be on the top of my game in order for my team to be able to have a chance at winning the Stanley Cup. We’d need everyone firing at 100% to get there and I was almost positive we would.

Speaking of my team, I didn’t go greet them when I first arrived down there because I knew that the press would still be in there for postgame interviews and there wasn’t any need for me to be there. I would just be a distraction and I was prepared to answer any questions about my ‘injury’ so I decided to hang back in the shadows until I knew the coast was clear.

When the last reporter had left the dressing room, I popped out of the shower area. Scaring the shit out of Michael as I tip toed over to him and whispered in his ear, “Boo.”

He jolted for a moment until he realized who was standing behind him and he threw his arms around me declaring, “Guys, look who’s here!”

“Mickie!” Brian, G, and Dubi announced, excitedly when they looked up to see whom Michael was referring to. Pushing myself away from my defensive partner, I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the center of the room so that I could address the guys,

“You guys have no idea how many times I almost died sitting up there.”

A few of them chuckled because they could only imagine how tore up I had been as I had watched them make all those stupid mistakes. Glancing at Hank, I could see that he was blushing slight even with his head hung low because he thought that I was referring to him giving up that goal early on.

“Seriously, I had to get a fuckin’ paper bag because I thought that I was going to fuckin’ hyper ventilate! You have no idea how suspenseful it is for me to watch you guys play and I have a greater appreciation for our fans because I know what they go through every time we play.” I informed them as a small smile, teased at the corner of my lips,

“But I’m so fuckin’ happy that you guys killed them though. You have no idea what that means to me.”

“We did it for you, Mickie.” Brian told me as he threw his pads into the bin in the middle of the room along with his jersey and his shorts.

I blushed because I hadn’t realized what their motivation had been to be so dominating over the Penguins, “That’s stupid. You didn’t have to.”

“Sure, we did. We had to send the ‘Real Deal’ a message that he can’t fuck with you anymore.” Our captain spoke up from his seat next to Brad, who nodded in agreement.

Placing my hand over my heart, I couldn’t believe that these guys had taken my personal battle onto the ice and reclaimed my honor in front of James’ teammates. But I did know that I was lucky to have such great guys looking after me. In all honesty, I hadn’t expected to have so many ‘brothers’ but I guess that’s apart of playing a sport like hockey. We have to spend so much time with each other that there is no way not to forge sibling like bonds with most of our teammates. I knew that I had to repay them for being such awesome teammates and then a thought came to me,

“Guys, we are all going to go to The 40/40 Club so that I can buy drinks for everyone to thank you guys for being such fucking awesome teammates.”

“That’s because you’re a fucking awesome teammate!” Michael informed me before tackling me before everyone else joined in.

Even under a bunch of smelly guys, I couldn’t help but sigh, happily because I knew that no matter what went down these guys were going to have my back despite how dysfunctional we could be at times.