The World's a Broken Bone; Melt Your Headaches & Call It Home

“C’mon, again.”

With a deep breath I threw my right fist into his open palm, following up with my left. I threw these punches like my life depended on it, ducking when he gave a counter-attack and blocking when I couldn’t move fast enough. He kept pushing me, even though my lungs were heaving and my heart was racing.

“Two more reps, let’s go.”

It had been three weeks since I’d promised to stay alive. Three weeks since I was attacked by Merle. It had been my idea to get some kind of semi-formal training so that if the situation arose again I wouldn’t be so defenseless. Shane was all for it, setting aside some time every few days to take me into the woods and teach me the basics of hand-to-hand combat. In an ideal setting he would have had pads that I could punch instead of his bare hands, mats for me to land on in case I fell; but these were so far from ideal times.

“Now go for the half-nelson.” Faking to the left, I moved quickly to the right and twisted my arm around his neck from behind, holding it there loosely. “Good, but you’ll want a tighter grip, otherwise…”

He pulled my arm away from him and in a series of moves that I had no hopes of blocking managed to pin me to the ground, his weight preventing me from moving and his hands restraining my own.

“I could do that.” He smirked as I rolled my eyes, blowing a piece of hair out of my face. I kept waiting for him to move so I could get up, but he stayed put, just looking at me.

“What?” I raised my eyebrows, wanting him to at least say something. Instead he lowered his lips to mine. The shock of it caught me completely off guard, my heart jumping into my throat. The hints had been dropped over the weeks that maybe the foolish things I felt weren’t completely one-sided. Glenn made a nasty habit of teasing me about it, something that Amy always tried to stop but often ended up joining in on herself. It stopped happening in the open, though, when Lori had heard one time and thrown a bit of a fit about us not focusing on our work. Lori had committed one-hundred percent to detesting me, despite Carl’s affinity for spending time with me whenever I was looking after Sophia or braiding her hair—something she’d dubbed me the queen of.

He released my arms and slipped one hand beneath my head, letting the other roam down my side. There wasn’t a single part of me trying to deny that this was exactly what I wanted. I couldn’t quite place what it was that I’d grown so fond of about Shane. Part of me wondered if we were just victims of circumstance; it was him who heard me that night in the woods, him who saved me once and then again. Him who I cried to at night when the past came back to haunt me. When Lori had a problem with me she brought it to him. If I needed anything at all I turned to him. I was his problem to handle, he had deemed himself responsible for me the second he decided to pull me out of that lake. I didn’t mind, and he didn’t seem to either.

“Jen? Shane? You guys still out here?” Amy’s voice pulled us apart, for the first time she was an unwelcome sight. Shane sighed, getting up and helping me to my feet as we dusted ourselves off.

“We’re out here, Am.” I called, catching sight of her walking through the trees as I wiped my mouth, avoiding Shane’s eye at all costs. When Amy finally made it to the clearing she smiled.

“I thought maybe you’d gone down to the quarry but I forgot you like the woods better for your little mortal kombat matches.”

“What’s up?” I shoved my hands into my pockets, shrugging my shoulders as she brushed the hair out of her face. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah—the group’s heading out to the city though. I remembered you were talking about going down with them just to the highway to see if some stuff you had in your car was still there, this seemed like a good time to bring it up.”

“Right, yeah, thanks Amy!” I had almost forgotten about the car and belongings inside of it. I’d remembered it for the first time a few days after Merle hit me, but I’d kept the thought to myself until about a week ago when there was some talk of people making a trip to the city to try and find some more supplies. “When’s everyone heading out?”

“In a few minutes, I told Andrea to hold off until I found you. Are you ready to go?”

“Absolutely.”

“I’ll go with you.” Shane said, picking up his gun from where it lay against a tree and slinging it over his shoulder. Amy shot me a look but I nudged her, trying to contain the stupid smile on my face as she giggled. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing.” I said quickly, fixing my hair and walking off ahead of them both. When I got back to the camp I apologized for taking so long and ignored Merle’s complaining. Strategically avoiding the vehicle with him in it, I got in beside Glenn, leaving Shane to sit up front beside Andrea. After a few minutes everyone was ready to go and we set off down the winding dirt path that led away from the camp.

The further we drove the more I tried to fathom how I’d ended up running so far from the road. Although part of it had been just walking with Ross, the chase had led me basically to the doorstep of the camp. I pushed the thoughts from my head as we broke through the treeline, the ghostly highway a barren wasteland before us, scattered with abandoned cars. They dotted the landscape like tombstones, long since forgotten and left to the mercy of the elements.

Part of me wondered how long it would be before nature started to reclaim them. Not just the cars, but everything. How many years would it take the roots of the trees and plants to push through all of the pavement, to shatter it like glass and swallow it up to be reused? How many more people would die in the time it would take the unmaintained structures that had once been homes for millions to slowly wither and die like trampled on flowers? This place, this whole man-made world that had so much effort put into it was just another rotting corpse. Every corner store and coffee shop an organ with a donor card. All the playgrounds and park benches like decomposing hair and nails. Every double-glass window and refinished roof and indoor pool another pile of bones.

Everyone and everything is just waiting to be buried.

“Whereabouts is your car, Jen?” Andrea asked as she steered clear of all the backed up cars. There were significantly fewer compared to the lanes on the other side of the barrier, but I figured at some point during the attempted evacuation people started going on the inbound lane and driving all the same.

“It’s parked near a yellow punch buggy and a red corvette—I don’t think it should be too much further.”

We caught sight of the buggy a few minutes later, Glenn not hesitating to punch me in the arm, playing that old game that somehow only worked with Volkswagen Beetles. I rolled my eyes but laughed nonetheless, nudging him back with my elbow. Andrea pulled over and I took a moment, leaning over and pulling him into a hug.

“Be safe, okay?” I said seriously before turning to Andrea and resting a hand on her shoulder. “The both of you.”

“We’ll be just fine.” Andrea promised, nodding to me as I got out of the vehicle. “Take care of Amy while I’m gone!”

“You got it.” I shouted just as Glenn closed the door and the car started inching away. Shane was standing by my side, gun resting on the toe of his boot. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as the car got smaller and smaller. More than 80% of Atlanta’s population had to have been turned, if not more, and this was what made me so nervous for them. “You think they’ll be okay?”

“Yeah, they know what they’re doin’.” He turned away when the car was no longer visible, looking around the treeline (presumably for any walkers) before asking which car was mine. I pointed out the black Nissan Murano ahead of us but explained that I wanted to check out the buggy first. The corvette was two cars behind mine—three behind the buggy—so Shane went to rifle through that and no doubt reminisce about the days when having a car like that actually meant something in this world.

There wasn’t a whole lot in the buggy, but from what I could see it had been a family travelling. At least two kids. There were some colouring books on the seat, opened to pages stained with blood. I ripped these out, ignoring the pack of half-melted crayons and picking up the pencil crayons instead. Something for Carl and Sophia to do, even if it was a bit childish. There was a plastic bag in the foot of the back seat which I used to hold everything. In the glove compartment there was a big hunting knife that I thought would come in handy. On the driver’s seat there was a half-pack of cigarettes and that I figured T-Dog would like, but I’d have to be careful not to let Merle see them.

Finding nothing else worth taking, I climbed out of the car and looked down the cars at Shane. He was half out of the corvette rifling through the front seats. Which meant he couldn’t possibly hear or see the walker limping towards him. My heart jumped to my throat and I began to panic, trying to figure out what to do. I tried calling to him in a harsh whisper, but he didn’t hear me. I took one look at the knife in my hand and knew it would be this or his funeral. Dropping the plastic bag, I tried to remember everything he’d taught me in terms of how to fight off walkers. I’d shot them before, but I never had to be this close. I ignored every instinct in my body that was telling me to flee, dodging the corvette’s open door and the walker’s outstretched arms. Running behind it, I didn’t hesitate longer than a heartbeat before raising up the knife and shoving it deep into the thing’s brain. Its clicking jaws stopped as it fell limp to the floor at Shane’s feet, finally a proper corpse. A cry of disgust left me, the only thing that alerted him of my presence. He sprang out of the car and looked at the dead walker, jumping for his gun before seeing the knife.

“Y-You didn’t hear me calling so I panicked.” I said quietly. He kicked the thing out of the way and flicked into defensive mode, eyes going again to the treeline to check for any more walkers before looking down the roadways. After only a few steps of me following him he spun and pushed me against the side of a van, placing his body over mine like a shield as he peered through the windows. He cursed under his breath and I knew we were in trouble. “How many?”

“About 20. More than I got rounds for.” He looked back at the trees as if that might be an escape route, but we both knew that we’d be seen and it wasn’t an option to lead them all back to the camp. Not to everyone else, not to the children. I could hear their absent-minded growls and heavy breathing drawing closer. Twenty stinking corpses just waiting to recruit.
“We can make it to my car. The windows are tinted and I left the doors unlocked. We can make it.” He looked down at me and then down the road at my vehicle. After a moment he nodded, telling me to stay low and keep quiet. I did as I was told, taking a deep breath and holding it before sprinting to the car, silently prying open the back door and clambering in. Only when Shane got in behind me did I release my breath, watching as he closed the door as quietly as he could.

When Ross and I started on the journey we’d flattened the back seats so the trunk area was bigger—big enough for us to sleep in when we weren’t driving. The blanket was still lying in the same messy fashion that I’d left it, but Shane was only focused on making me lay down still and quiet. It only took about a minute for the walkers to start filing past the car. They shuffled by in a trance, completely unaware that the only thing they sought anymore was right under their noses. There was one, near the end, the stopped by the window and looked in, but she couldn’t see anything but her own reflection and so kept walking.

Even after the last one disappeared we waited silently, not daring to move for three whole minutes after the last sighting. Shane sat up slowly, peeking through the windshield to see if the coast really was clear. He exhaled heavily and nodded to me that it was safe. Pushing myself up, I took a moment to get over the fact that I almost died before pulling the nearest bag closer to me and rifling through its contents.

“Funny what a few weeks can do.” I pulled out a deck of cards, some bug spray, a first aid kit, and my hair brush, tossing them into a pile of things I planned to bring back to camp.

“What do you mean?” He set the gun down near the trunk door and locked his hands on top of his knees. I made a mental note not to forget the bag of stuff for the kids that I’d set down.

“Few weeks ago I probably would’ve let those walkers get me.” I shrugged, grabbing the half-empty bottle of perfume in the bag and spraying some on. “At least now I’m starting to catch up on the whole life-saving ratio. It’s what, 1 to 3 now?”

“3? I only counted 2.”

“I’m pretty sure Merle wouldda beat me to death if you’d let him.” I laughed despite the severity of the topic at hand. The coin found its way into my hand and started to flip as I crossed my legs. “You know…I never properly thanked you for all that.”

“Nah, you ain’t gotta thank me.” He dismissed, pulling a box to him and half-heartedly going through it.

“Yeah, I do. I get that you were a cop before and all so you were expected—hell you were paid to help people. But it’s a whole different world now and all I know is that it probably would have been easier if you’d just let me die…but you didn’t. I owe you.” We fell quiet after that and I just sat there staring at the coin.

“What’s the deal with that thing?”

“This?” I held up the coin and tossed it to him. “It’s sort of like a family heirloom or something. Ross gave it to me when the outbreak happened. Told me some story that dad told him about how trees were meant to withstand almost anything. Wind, rain, floods, earthquakes. He just tried to make me understand that if you put your roots down deep enough you could always brave the storm…It’s corny, I know.”

“It’s a good thing to remember.” He moved over to me, placing it back in my hand and tilting my head up. “And for the record, the only damn thing you owe me is staying alive.”

“Shane…” I began, avoiding his eyes as I tried to figure out how to word things properly. “I…I don’t know if this is just me being an idiot, but…I think I’m in love with you.”

“If you fell for me you must be an idiot.” He smiled and I laughed, rolling my eyes before he made me look up at him. “But I guess I’m an idiot too.”

He leaned forward and kissed me, my arms instinctively wrapping around his neck to keep him close to me. His hands tangled in my hair as I pushed him backwards onto the floor, staying on top of him and eagerly reconnecting our lips. All I knew was that no walkers could sneak up on us inside of a car, no Amy or Glenn or Carl could stumble into our midst or come poking around unwanted. No wild animal could hunt us. No one to hear us. No dirt or leaves or sticks to poke into our backs.

The second I decided to peel off my shirt a wild procession of flying clothes began, both of us in this mad rush to be closer, nearer, never apart. I wanted him, and I had no problem letting him know. I flipped my hair to one side to keep it out of the way as his hands travelled my body, the feeling of his skin against mine more prominent than any fear a walker could instill in me. He rolled us over and wasted no time in bringing his lips to mine, breaking only to move down my neck.

My fingers gripped the blanket as my chest heaved, lungs begging for air. The shocks on the car squeaked in time with our movements, masked occasionally only by the sounds escaping my mouth. He slipped his arms under my back and pasted his body to mine as my fingers bit into his shoulders. The car was hot enough, the black exterior attracting all the unforgiving heat from the sun. All the heat we were emanating caused the windows to grow foggy and sweat to keep my hair damp and stuck to my scalp. His hands lay claim to every inch of my body, fingerprints marking the territory always destined to be his. Reserved for his eyes, lips, touch. All of me, his.

When we finally made it back to camp Amy ran up to me with a relieved look on her face. In our absence a walker had come close to the camp, but Daryl had taken care of it. Lori made a big deal about Shane not being there to do what he was supposed to. He snapped back about how we’d had to hide out from a mob of walkers which was why we’d taken so long. True, of course, but leaving out an important part. I handed the bag of colouring stuff over to Sophia and gave a bunch of clothes I’d brought to Amy, hoping she or some of the other girls would fit into them. Other than Ross’ old shirt I’d changed everything else, relieved to be in clean clothes.

Sophia asked if I would go down to the quarry with her and I willingly obliged, feeling much safer now that I had a gun again with a full clip. It stayed in the waistband of my shorts for easy access. She took my hand, Carl tagging along as we made the walk down to the water. I jumped once when I thought I’d heard a twig snap from the forest, but after a moment of surveying decided it was safe to go on.

It didn’t surprise me that Sophia liked to spend as much time away from her father as possible, given how he treated her mother. I’d talked to Shane about it and he said he’d try to get through to Ed, but I didn’t know if he’d ever been successful. The fact that Carl still chose to hang around Sophia when I was around gave me a small amount of satisfaction that I knew it shouldn’t have. Nonetheless I took a seat on an overturned bucket and kept watch while the two of them played some game that involved a lot of imagination.

The sound of their laughter and chatter was such a peaceful background noise. My mind kept drifting back to Shane, to what he was doing right now and if maybe he was thinking about me too. I bit back my smile at the thought, flipping the coin in my hand absently. The only thing that brought me out of my mind was the quietness that had taken over. I looked up at the kids, heart stopping at the sight of the fear on their faces. Only one thing could make them scared in a place like this.

Getting to my feet I turned around, swallowing hard at the sight of the walkers. I immediately placed myself between the kids and the beats, these things with a wolf-like prowl and just as frightening growl. My hands wrapped around the gun as I told the kids to get back, to start climbing the rocks as fast as they could. I screamed for Shane, doing a quick count of the walkers and trying to ignore the fact that there were more things than I had bullets for.

The fear began to spread through my system as I backed up more and more, screaming again at the top of my lungs, but we were too far away. My hands shook slightly as I fired the first shot, dropping the nearest walker and wasting no time going after the rest. They started to come faster as I killed them off, the second to last one dropping as the final walker started to limp quickly towards me.

Its left arm was gone from the shoulder, half of the right foot missing along with chunks of skin from its head, belly, and nose. The clothes were ripped and torn and covered in blood and maggots. The stench was horrible enough to make me want to vomit. But even with all of this, I couldn’t ignore what my eyes were seeing. My brother, my own flesh and blood, was coming at me with the desire to kill. I cried out at this, rejecting it completely. I’d already lost him, I couldn’t kill him myself.

Sophia screamed and I turned to see her slipping on the rocks. I yelled for Carl to pull her up, but he was staring at the walker. I kept yelling at him, trying to push Sophia up but barely reaching her toes. It wasn’t until I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder that I knew what was happening. A scream left my lungs as I pushed him off of me, pieces of my skin stuck in his teeth as he stumbled backwards. A shot fired as I pressed a hand to my shoulder, shaking and beginning to cry as he fell to the ground. I pulled my hand away and stared at the blood before falling to my knees at Ross’ side.

“No!” Shane cried, leaping over the dead walkers and collapsing at my side. “No, no, no, no, no. You can’t—you can’t be bit.”

“My brother…” I wept, reaching hand to the rotting flesh that was once his cheek. The rest of the camp had made it down and were staring at either the still living children, the finally dead walkers, or the soon to be deceased Jenna Sivley. Lori and Carol were quick to claim their kids, Sophia crying into her mother’s grasp and shakily recounting what happened.

“C’mon, we gotta get you patched up, Jen.” Shane said, trying to pull me up. I resisted him, shaking my head and leaning against the rock face. It only made him more frantic and angry. “What are you doing?! We’ll find something—someone to help. Someone has to have a cure, I’ll find one my damn self if I got to, now come on!”

“There’s nothing, Shane.” I said weakly, holding his hand in mine as a headache began to take form. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help myself. A month ago I would have given anything to be in this situation, but he’d done everything to make sure it didn’t happen. And now, how things had changed. How cruel a thing to be given death only when you no longer desire it. How unfair a world it was. Some of the people began a course of goodbyes, their tears and solemn words a hard juxtaposition to the children’s laughter that had been here moments before.

“I’m sorry, Jenna.” Carl said from his mom’s grasp. I shook my head at him, promising him this wasn’t his fault. This was no one’s fault, and that’s probably what made it so hard. This was no one’s choice, no one’s decision. This was just the way of the world. Amy was probably the hardest to look at next to Shane, who refused to leave my side. I thought about the fact that I was so busy worrying about Glenn and the others I never considered the real danger would be so close to home.

Home. The concept had been abolished completely, but if I had to pick anywhere to name such it would be this camp. With Shane and Amy and Glenn and the others. Even Lori and Merle. I would have endured it all for years to come if it only meant that I could stay. But the virus was saying no as it crept through my body, removing every bit of humanity from me in increments. After a while Shane sent everyone away and sat down beside me, pulling me into his arms as a fever sprang in my body.

“I should have been there.” He said quietly, water falling from his face onto mine as I told him not to be stupid. He just kept apologizing, voice cracking more and more every time. Eventually I pushed myself up, resting back against the rocks and telling him I didn’t want to die a walker. He had his gun and although he rejected the idea at first I begged him until he gave in. My last request. He held me for a little while longer before apologizing for the hundredth time. “I love you.”

For the last time he pressed his lips to mine and pulled the trigger.