This Is Your Demise

Ben was awake long before he opened his eyes. He just laid there for a while, listening to his band mates go about their usual routines. Someone opened up his curtains and checked on him a few times, but Ben didn’t move as he wanted to be alone. He just lay there, thinking about the events of yesterday.

It was Danny that had upset him, not Krista, although she had been very annoying. Ben had stupidly told Danny of his feelings for him, and Danny didn’t take him seriously. Worse, he said that he loved Ben back, and made his heart fly up into his throat only to send it crashing back down when he said it was only friendly love. Ben’s night was ruined from that point on, and he didn’t even remember much of the night after that besides Krista being an annoying cunt and dumping vodka on him.

Ben knew that Danny would never feel the same way about him, but hearing that he only loved him as a friend made it worse. Especially after the kiss they had shared at the show last night. It was longer than usual, and Ben had actually started to move his lips against Danny’s for a few seconds before Danny pulled away, leaving Ben breathless and a bit dazed. Ben started getting a bit breathless just thinking about those smooth and warm lips against his, and quickly got out of his bunk, refusing to let his feelings about Danny consume him.

Cameron, Danny and James all looked at Ben as he got up, but Ben ignored them and went into their little kitchen. He reached for his box of cereal and milk, pouring the liquid right into the cereal box and grabbing a spoon, hungrily shoving the spoonfuls of cocoa krispies into his mouth.

Ben heard hushed laughter and looked up into the giggling faces of his mates, raising an eyebrow.

“Hungry, Ben?” James asked between giggles.

“A bit,” Ben said around his mouthful of food, swallowing after he spoke. He let his spoon fall into the box and took a seat on the other side of James, putting his feet up on the table in front of him.

“Are you okay Ben?” Danny asked from across the room by the window, looking at Ben with concern.

Ben looked at Danny for a few seconds and gave him a small smile, nodding his head. It warmed his heart a little to see Danny look at him like that and even made him blush a little, which luckily no one noticed. “Yeah Danny, I’m fine.”

“So what did you do to piss Krista off?” James grinned and ruffled Ben’s hair, who protested and pulled back.

“I didn’t do anything. I guess that was the problem, not giving her enough attention. But honestly I barely remember much of last night after the show.” Ben started digging around in his cereal box for his spoon and started eating some more.

“Well I’m sorry it didn’t work out with you two. I thought it was a good match, anyways. There’s always next time though,” James laughed at Ben’s frustrated expression and Ben smacked his shoulder.

“Are we sure that’s the reason Ben’s upset though?” Cameron asked, speaking for the first time and leaning his head forward so that he could see Ben, a sly smile on his face. “It could not be about Krista at all.”

Ben blinked and turned his head to look at Cam, his eyes wide. “What.”

“What are you talking about; of course it was about Krista. She poured a drink over his head.” Danny shook his head and James nodded in agreement.

“If you say so,” Cam said and stood up, passing Ben a knowing smile and walking out of the room.

Ben stared after Cameron with his mouth slightly open, a little shocked at what he had said. There’s no way he could’ve known...right?

“What do you think he meant by that though?” James asked the room, oblivious to Ben’s stupefied look.

“I’ll go ask,” Ben said a bit quickly and stood up, dropping his cereal box on the table and walking out of the room quickly after Cameron.

Cameron was messing about in his bunk once Ben caught up to him, and when he noticed Ben standing there he smiled. “Oh, hi Ben. How are we feeling this afternoon?”

Ben just stared at Cameron for a few seconds before replying. “What did you mean back there Cam? ‘It could not be about Krista at all.’ What made you say that?”

Cam took a peek over Ben’s shoulder to make sure it was just them, and then smiled. “Oh, come on Ben. Did you really think one of us wouldn’t notice?”

“N-Notice what?” Ben inwardly grimaced as he stuttered, but quickly pushed the annoyance away. He had more important things to worry about right now.

“That you have a little thing for Danny,” Cameron smiled again. “Personally I’m surprised I didn’t notice it sooner. I’m also a bit amazed that no one else has noticed it either. I mean,” Cameron laughed a little at this point, “you two joke about it so much, so it has to be true. Or at least one end.” He looked back up at Ben as he said the last part.

“I—” Ben was shocked. Cameron knew about his feelings for Danny. He fucking knew. Ben thought he had been good at hiding his true feelings, but if they were as obvious as Cameron said they are he must be really terrible. “Cam, please don’t say anything.”

“Of course I’m not going to say anything,” Cameron looked at Ben in surprise. “Why would I do that? I’m not a complete dick, you know.”

“I know, I just. I cant. How did you know?” Ben sat on the edge of Cam’s bed and looked up at him, worry etched all over his face.

“Well I started noticing things you did a few months back. I would catch you staring at Danny in ways that were more than friendly, after you and Danny’s weird kissing thing on stage I would see you grinning like an idiot, and just small things like that. I knew though. I don’t know if I wanted to know or not, but I knew.” Cam took a seat next to Ben and patted his knee. “It’s okay though. I don’t mind that you like him, and I bet James and Sam won’t either. I know of some fans that would be absolutely thrilled if you two became an item, actually.”

That made Ben laugh, and he felt a bit better. Then reality came back to him. “We’re never going to be an ‘item’ though. Danny doesn’t like boys.” Ben ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t even like boys. It’s just Danny I want. Me loving him is totally pointless, but I can’t help it.”

Cameron frowned and slipped an arm around Ben’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. “You don’t know that though. You have a secret- liking Danny- maybe Danny has a secret too.”

“No,” Ben shook his head, playing with his fingers. “Danny doesn’t want me back. I told him I loved him last night—a spur of the moment thing, and he told me he loved me too, but as a friend. That’s why I was so upset last night. Danny doesn’t love me and he never will. And I know I sound like a total bitch saying that, but I don’t care.”

Cameron squeezed his shoulder affectionately and smiled a little. “You’ll find someone who will make you happy, mate. It just takes time. Maybe Danny isn’t the one for you, maybe he is. I don’t know. But if it’s meant to be, it will be. Okay? So don’t beat yourself up about this.”

Ben smiled back up at Cameron and nodded, feeling a swell of gratitude for the other man. “That actually helps a lot. You should quit the band and be a shrink; I bet you’d make loads.”

Cam just laughed and shook his head, standing up. “No way man, the benefits from this job are too sweet to let go of. I got my hands on three girls last night, and had one of the best nights of my life. Never am I going to stop being a rock star.”

“God, I hope you made sure they were over eighteen,” Ben got up as well, grinning at Cam’s words.

“Oh come on, I’m not a perv,” Cameron slug his arm back over Ben’s shoulder as they walked back into the living room area, seeing Sam had joined the others.

“Been wondering where you boys ran off to,” James said as he noticed them walk in, eating a spoonful of Ben’s cereal.

“Sorry, you know I can’t resist Cameron sexy ass when it walks away from me like that,” Ben ruffled James’ hair, and then snatched up his box of cereal while the others laughed at his comment.

Ben’s eyes drifted over to Danny as they so often did, and he thought he saw a flicker of hurt and annoyance in his eyes.

Danny was annoyed he said that about Cameron? Did he wish that it was him Ben was talking about instead?

Ben shook his head. Shut up Ben, he thought. He doesn’t like you, he’s never going to like you and you’re just being a desperate cunt.

Ben bit into his lip as the words crossed his mind, but instantly changed his lips to form a smile when he noticed Danny smiling over at him.

Danny had always had such a beautiful smile.