This Is Your Demise

Ben stood there, appalled by what he had just said. James was still staring at him like he had just announced that he was really a woman in disguise, and it made everything worse.

“You love him?” James asked, his mouth opened a little in surprise and he blinked.

Ben quickly realized that this was his moment to fix his words, and he jumped into it head first. “Of course I do. He’s my best friend. You’re all my best friends, and I love you guys too.”

James’ face instantly relaxed and he smiled little over at Ben, reaching over and patting his shoulder gently. “Love you too, mate. But what does that have to do with Danny finally getting laid?”

“I just don’t want him to get hurt, or do something he’s not ready for.” Ben gazed back over at the bus again and sighed a little, then felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw Cameron walk out from around the corner.

It’s Danny in there, fucking some girl, Ben thought, and almost let out a whimper. He felt betrayed, although he had no reason to feel that way. Danny wasn’t his boyfriend and he didn’t belong to him at all, but then in some strange way he did. Ben was the only boy Danny would kiss, he was sure of it. Even though everyone in the band got along well with each other, no one had a relationship like Ben and Danny had.

“Guys, Danny’s up for sound check, anyone know where he is?” Sam asked as he walked out the side door that all the bands used, making his way over to them.

“He’s in there,” Ben looked at the ground as he pointed at the bus, and sighed quietly to himself and Sam and Cameron both looked towards the bus.

“Is the bus… no it isn’t. It can’t be… is Danny in there with a girl?” Sam looked from us to the bus and back again, his eyes wide in surprise.

“Don’t know why you’re so shocked,” Ben said, making his way towards the doors Sam just came out of. “You’re the one who wanted him to move on, yeah?”

Ben quickly went inside and leaned against the wall by the door, slipping his eyes shut and trying to calm his pounding heart. He didn’t understand why this was affecting him so much. He knew Danny didn’t love him and that Danny just wasn’t into men, he had accepted that a while ago. Ben just didn’t understand why even though he knows he and Danny will never happen, why it still affects him so badly.

Ben groaned and dragged his hands down his face, and jumped a little when the door opened. Ben relaxed when he saw Cameron’s face peek inside, and rested his head back against the wall.

“So, I’m guessing that the knowledge of Danny moving on doesn’t make you feel too great, huh?” Cam came and stood next to Ben, sighing a little as he saw the distress on Ben’s face.

Ben just groaned again and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “I’m going to be shit at the show tonight, mate. This is all I can think about and I won’t be able to focus on the music.” Ben rubbed at his closed eyes and took a few calming breaths.

“Ben you’re going to do great, like you always do. You’ve just been surprised, that’s all. By the time we go to play it won’t be such a shock anymore and everything will be fine. Plus, even if you end up not being able to play, I got a little something that can help.” Cameron slipped something out of his pocket and waved it in Ben’s face.

Ben quickly snatched the baggie from Cam’s hand and looked through the clear plastic to see what was inside, and cocked his head a little. In the bag were four little blue pills, and Ben had no idea what they were for. “What are these, Cam?”

“I think it’s better if you don’t know,” Cameron said, pulling the little bag from Ben and slipping it back into his pocket. “They aren’t dangerous, and after it’s over you’ll be completely fine.



Ben felt amazing.

An hour or so before they started preforming he had taken two of Cameron's pills, and he had never felt better. He was sure he looked ridiculous, spinning around on stage while he played and having his eyes half closed as he let the noise and sensation of the concert overwhelm him, but he didn’t care. Ben didn’t care about anything right now. In fact, he’d forgot all about Danny and his feelings for him, and he was totally relaxed and let himself fully enjoy the show—something he hadn’t done in a while.

From the corner of his eye, Ben saw Danny coming towards him and he remembered that Danny almost always kisses him during the shows. Ben just gave a small little grin in Danny’s direction and turned away as Danny came closer, and he heard members of the audience let out a loud ‘ooohhh’ sound. Ben laughed and spun faster, his fingers never stopping or messing up the notes that he knew by heart.

He shot a quick glance at Danny and saw a confused expression on his face, which made him laugh harder. Who’s fucking with whose emotions now? Ben thought, and let out another giggle.

He suddenly dropped down to his knees and leaned backwards until he was almost touching the floor, something he’d seen older rockstars do, and the crowd went wild for it. When the song that they were playing ended, Morte Et Dabo, Ben lifted his fist into the air in some sort of victory pose and the fans just ate it up. He could tell that they were enjoying tonight almost as much as he was, and he suddenly decided that after the show was over would be the perfect time to tell Danny how he really felt about him. It made total sense in Ben’s mind, and he smiled as he stood up, happy that he was finally going to have this heavy weight lifted off his shoulders.

Ben felt absolutely fantastic.