This Is Your Demise

Once Ben was sure that all of his band mates were asleep, he rolled out of bed and padded out to the kitchen for a bite to eat. He realized as he lay there that he hadn’t eaten in two days, and as soon as he came to that realization all he could think about was food. He couldn’t get up until everyone else had gone to sleep though, because they would all start to question him and he didn’t want that.

He opened the fridge and took a look inside, hoping to see something he would like. Honestly he would eat anything right now, but he knew if he just took out anything and everything and ate it he would throw it up later. Ben settled on making himself some sandwiches and pulled out the meat, cheese, mayonnaise and other things he would need and set them on the counter, and then looked up when he felt eyes on him.

Danny was looking back at him from the other end of the counter, only in his boxers and his hair was sticking up a bit in the back. Ben tried hard not to stare at his best friend’s body, but he couldn’t help himself. Danny’s stomach wasn’t as flat as his own, but it was getting there and you could see faint lines where his abs would be once he lost those few extra pounds. His skin was pale and a little hairy, but still the only thing that ran through Ben’s mind was how it would feel to run his tongue over the smooth skin.

Ben was pulled out of his analysis of Danny’s body once he heard the other man start to speak, and all his anger came rushing back.

Ben knew he really didn’t have any right to be angry, but he couldn’t help himself. Danny was his, whether he knew it or not, and the fact that he slept with the girl who dumped alcohol all over him just made it so much worse. Ben wanted to wrap his hands around Danny’s neck and shake him until he passed out. But another part of him favored a more pleasurable form of punishment….Ben mentally slapped himself. No. You don’t need to be thinking about that right now. You’re mad, Ben, remember?

“Ben?” he heard Danny say, and he grew angrier at himself for slipping back into thinking of his friend in inappropriate ways.

“What?” Ben snapped back at Danny, turning his attention back to making his sandwiches.

“What the fuck happened back at the bar, mate? I know Krista was sort of your girl, and I’m sorry I slept with her—”

“Krista is not my girl. She never was and she never will be. Besides, she could never compare with the one who I want,” Ben said that last part in a whisper, but to his dismay Danny had heard it.

“You’re seeing someone?” Danny asked, surprised. He took a few steps closer to Ben and Ben inwardly freaked out.

“No, of course I’m not,” Ben was flustered and he busied himself with spreading mayonnaise over his bread slices, trying to look uncaring. “Are you really out here to discuss my love life?” he added nastily.

“Well sort of,” Danny was next to Ben, and for some reason Ben’s blood was on fire and adrenaline ran through him. He had no idea what was happening but he knew that if Danny didn’t back away soon he would explode. “I mean, I thought you and Krista were a thing and that was why I thought you were so upset. But if she doesn’t mean anything to you,” Danny said thoughtfully, watching Ben piling things onto the bread, “then why’d you get so upset with me?”

Ben looked up from his food and saw Danny gingerly touching his cheek where Ben had punched him, and he knew he was about to ruin everything.

Danny was looking back at him now, and those blue eyes were drilling into his. They were so…bright. And clear. Ben felt his insides start to melt as he gazed back at Danny and he opened his mouth, ready to release those dreaded words that would tear everything apart. But then his thoughts caught up with him, and he closed his mouth again. This really would destroy everything. If he told Danny about his feelings, then the band wouldn’t stay a band for long. Danny would say he was okay with it, but in the inside he would feel completely uncomfortable with Ben. The kisses onstage would stop, the playful joking during interviews would stop, and soon it would just feel awkward during performances. Eventually either he or Danny would leave the band, and Asking Alexandria wouldn’t be Asking Alexandria anymore.

Ben just sighed and turned away, starting to put away what he had taken from the fridge and stacked his sandwiches on a plate. “Just leave it, Danny.”

“No, Ben,” Danny grabbed Ben’s shoulders and turned him so that he was facing him again, a serious look on his face. “We need to talk about this. I want to know what’s going on it that head of yours.” As Danny said this, his hands slid up from Ben’s shoulders and cupped his face in his gentle yet callused hands, and Ben shivered from the contact. He slipped his eyes closed, not caring what Danny thought at that point. He had dreamed of Danny touching him like this, his hands soft and gentle against Ben’s skin, and he could barely control himself.

“Ben?” Danny’s soft voice broke through to Ben’s mind, but seconds after he registered that Danny was much closer than he had been, and his breath was warm against Ben’s lips.

“Danny,” Ben breathed out, his arms sliding around Danny’s body seemingly of their own doing but Ben let it happen. His heart was pounding in his chest and his mind was nothing but mush in his head.

“Ben, what’re you—”

“Shh,” Ben cut him off. He had waited for this moment for far too long and nothing was going to stop him from finally having it.

Ben let out a small whimper from the anticipation, then closed the distance between him and Danny and pressed his lips to his best friends.

Ben could hardly breathe, and he just prayed that Danny wouldn’t push him away. He made sure his lips were firmly against Danny’s and pressed his body closer, a sudden desire for Danny springing up from somewhere inside him.

Ben felt Danny start to move his lips against his own, and he thought he would pass out from the happiness that exploded inside of him. Ben lost control of himself and had no idea what he was doing until after he had done it, and he was surprised to feel that Danny responded to everything he did. His fingers where tangled in Danny’s hair and he had just jumped up to wrap his legs around his waist, and Danny had wrapped his arms tightly around Ben’s body to hold him there as they kissed, their lips moving together in a perfect synch that Ben didn’t believe was possible.

Ben felt something warm and wet poking at his lips, and he instinctually parted his lips for it before realizing it was Danny’s tongue, and eagerly pushed his tongue forward to meet the other mans. Danny let out a soft groan of appreciation, to which Ben replied by pressing his hips fully against Danny’s.

Ben regretted doing this instantly. Danny froze up from the contact and set Ben down on the counter before he pulled back, a shocked look on his face. Ben stared back at him and chewed on his lip, waiting for Danny to say something.

Danny stared at Ben for a few seconds longer before he turned and started to walk away, and in that instant Ben’s heart shattered.

“Don’t you dare leave me like this Danny,” Ben said loudly, his voice trembling. He couldn’t believe that after Danny showed such a positive response to what had just happened that he would do this. He knew Danny liked it; that much was obvious when he felt the bulge in his underwear.

Danny stopped and Ben heard him sigh. Then he turned around and Ben stared at him, those gorgeous blue eyes killing him.

“Why did you do that, Ben?” Danny’s voice was strained, and Ben could tell why—he had a boner the size of a mountain, and Ben felt a rush of self-confidence to know that he was the reason for that.

“Because I’m in love with you Danny,” Ben calmly replied. He knew he had ruined it before he had decided to say those words, so he didn’t care if he said them anymore.

Danny just stared at him. Ben could tell that he was trying not to believe him, so he growled at Danny’s stupidity and got up, making his way over to him. “Did you understand? I love you, Danny Worsnop. I’ve loved you for a very long time.” Ben had a very intense look on his face, and Danny stared to look a little scared.

Ben shoved him back against the wall of the bus, and some of his anger came back. “I have no idea why I love you, but I do. I’ve tried to stop loving you, but I can’t. You are so fucking attractive and I can’t stand it. You make me laugh, and smile, and I am completely comfortable around you. You probably mean the most to me than anyone I’ve ever met in my whole life. Your eyes are so fucking perfect and I could stare at them all day long if I wanted to. The freckles over your nose are the most adorable thing I have ever seen and I just want to kiss every single one of them,” Ben knew that he was being loud and that the rest of his band mates were standing in a group a few feet away, hearing every single word he was saying, but he only had eyes for Danny. Ben wanted to stop talking and go hide for ten years, but he couldn’t seem to shut up. “You’re laugh is so beautiful and just hearing it could turn a bad day into a good one. Whenever you kiss me on stage, I can’t breathe. My heart speeds up and my blood rushes and it feels like I’m burning on the inside. When we kissed just now, I thought I was going to pass out from it. I’ve never had such a reaction like that when I kissed other people, and I just. I just love you so fucking much.”

Ben shoved Danny up against the wall again before turning and pushing his way through everyone else, trying to wipe away his tears faster than they could fall and climbed into his bunk, tugging the curtains closed behind him and not being able to hold it in anymore.

He buried his face into his pillow and let it all out, not giving a single fuck if the other guys heard him. His sobs hurt his heart, but he couldn’t stop the tears. He wasn’t just crying over the fact that he had screwed up his and Danny’s relationship for good, but also because now the band was absolutely done for.

He had single handedly ruined the best thing that ever happened to him.