The Fragility of Innocence
My Ship Went Down In A Sea Of Sound.
I was seven years old when my world imploded.
It was New Year's Eve, and we were at a family friend's house. It was a party and I was happy and hopeful and excited for magic. I was wearing a white dress- oh, I remember that dress! I was excited to be wearing such a pretty dress; I felt like an angel, and I suppose I was one, back then. I was all dressed up. Excited for midnight.
It was six o' clock and there was a boy there named Nathan. I'd had a crush on him- he was tall and blond and 14, and I saw him every weekend, and I blushed when he called me beautiful. Then he pulled me into his room and asked me if I wanted to play a game. And I was young, and innocent, and I didn't know any better, and then suddenly I was in the closet, and he pulled my dress over my head and unzipped his jeans and raped me. Twice. When it was over, he cried. He told me he was sorry, that I was too beautiful for my own good, that he couldn't help himself. He begged me not to tell. It was our secret, he said, and I didn't know any better. All I knew was that it hurt and I was scared and I didn't like him anymore.
May of that year, 2004, my grandma got sick. She died on Mother's Day. She was my best friend in the world. And that was the week I got glasses, and when I went to school, I was made fun of. I was lonely and friendless and brokenhearted and I took a whole bottle of aspirin when my parents were out. Nothing happened- I didn't even get sick. I woke up on the day of the funeral, and Nathan was there, and I was terrified out of my mind.
It was New Year's Eve, and we were at a family friend's house. It was a party and I was happy and hopeful and excited for magic. I was wearing a white dress- oh, I remember that dress! I was excited to be wearing such a pretty dress; I felt like an angel, and I suppose I was one, back then. I was all dressed up. Excited for midnight.
It was six o' clock and there was a boy there named Nathan. I'd had a crush on him- he was tall and blond and 14, and I saw him every weekend, and I blushed when he called me beautiful. Then he pulled me into his room and asked me if I wanted to play a game. And I was young, and innocent, and I didn't know any better, and then suddenly I was in the closet, and he pulled my dress over my head and unzipped his jeans and raped me. Twice. When it was over, he cried. He told me he was sorry, that I was too beautiful for my own good, that he couldn't help himself. He begged me not to tell. It was our secret, he said, and I didn't know any better. All I knew was that it hurt and I was scared and I didn't like him anymore.
May of that year, 2004, my grandma got sick. She died on Mother's Day. She was my best friend in the world. And that was the week I got glasses, and when I went to school, I was made fun of. I was lonely and friendless and brokenhearted and I took a whole bottle of aspirin when my parents were out. Nothing happened- I didn't even get sick. I woke up on the day of the funeral, and Nathan was there, and I was terrified out of my mind.