Turn the Other Way

"This is too hard," Leana cried, shoving herself into Jimmy's chest.

"It'll only be for a couple of months," he said softly, stroking her hair.

I watched the two enviously, wondering where Zack had disappeared to.

Three weeks had passed. The album was now done, and the release date was set for a week from now. The tour dates got finished up, ending down here in Huntington Beach. Five months and eight days from now. I felt tears begin to spring from my eyes as my chin quivered.

"Sorry I took so long," Zack said, joining us in the now empty recording studio. I expected him to pull me close to him. Instead, he stood a couple of feet away from me, his hands in his pockets as his uninterested gaze shifted around the room.

"It's OK," I muttered, playing with my fingers nervously. Brian walked into the room with an unlit cigarette resting in his mouth. He saw me and immediately hurried over to me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I graciously accepted it and hugged back, beginning to weep into his shoulder.

"Jules," he whispered, back up a bit. He raised my chin so our eyes could meet. I tried to pull away but he kept my centered. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so upset that Zack's gonna leave," I started, keeping quiet so Zack wouldn't hear me. "And he hasn't directly talked to me at all today. I don't know what's going on."

"Maybe he's just too sad," he suggested. "Let me talk to him?"

"Why?"

"Cause it sucks seeing you sad, dude," he half smiled, resting his hands on my arms. I nodded as he made his way over to Zack. I watched him closely, keeping it subtly. He patted Zack on the back and began talking to him. I saw Zack nod a couple of times, and then shrug. Brian's face fell as his shoulders slouched over. He shrugged as well before pointing to me. Zack didn't look over, and Brian became slightly angry. He waved him off and went to talk to Matt.

Since Zack didn't come over to me, I took a deep breath and walked over to him. "Zack?" I started. He turned to face me, eyes full of disinterest. I was taken aback by his features. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Julie," he said harshly.

"Please talk to me," I cried, feeling the tears inch back up again. "I need to know what's wrong."

He glared at me, but I did nothing. He finally sighed and pulled me into a hug. "Why can't you just hate me?"

"What?" I asked in surprise, pushing him off me quickly.

"If you hated me it wouldn't be this hard to leave," he explained. "It wouldn't be as hard to do this."

"Do what?" I felt my heart drop.

"Julie, last time I was dating someone and I went on tour, it was immeasurably painful," he began. I nodded in understanding. "I couldn't have fun because I missed her so much. And I like you so much more than I liked her. But I want to be able to enjoy myself while playing shows. That's kind of the point of touring."

"So...what are you going to do?"

"I think that we should take a break," he finally spit out. I nodded again, feeling my insides tear apart. "Just for the tour."

"If that's what you want," I said softly. Quiet enough that I almost couldn't hear what I'd said.

"I'm really sorry, Julie, I just don't know what else to do," he sighed. His eyes sprung guilt, making me feel a bit better.

"It's OK," I lied blatantly, keeping myself as composed as possible.

"Come on, guys," Matt said, placing one foot on the stairs leading to the bus. "We have a schedule we gotta keep. Let's go!"

"Julie," Johnny started as he appeared behind me. He wrapped me in a hug, but I kept myself facing away from him. "I'll call you everyday; tell you how things are going, OK?"

"Thanks, Johnny," I nodded. He kissed the side of my head and hurried into the bus.

"See you, Jules," Jimmy smiled, trying to catch up to Johnny. His face streaked light tears. I looked over to Leana, who had her face buried in her hands.

"Bye, Julie," Zack said softly, kissing my cheek. "I'll miss you very much. Things will be OK."

"Bye," I said, watching him go on the bus. I dragged myself over to Leana, placing a helpful hand on her back, though I was the one who'd just lost someone. "It's OK; it won't be for that long."

"I know, Julie, I'm just so sad," she cried, lifting her head up.

"Go in the car, I'll meet you in a minute, alright?" She nodded and coughed as she opened the passengers’ door and laid back in the seat.

I felt a strong hand around my wrist as I was pulled into the blue building. Brian stood there, a face full of sorrow. "I’m really sorry about Zack. I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Oh well," I shrugged, feeling almost emotionless.

"No, not oh well. Seeing you sad is horrible!" he whined, finally letting go of my wrist.

"Fucking Brian, come on!" I heard Matt's voice echo from outside. "Let's go!"

"They're getting mad..." I trailed off. "You should go."

"Alright." He paused. "So you and Zack are done?"

"Yeah," I frowned, crossing my arms to keep myself busy.

"Jules, I just want to let you know that I'd never do that to you," he breathed, staring straight into my eyes. "I'd never ever leave you just because I was going on tour, that's a gay excuse."

"Brian-"

"I still love you, you know that?" he smiled. I nodded and looked down. He pulled my chin back up, kissing me lightly on the lips. I thought about pulling away, but didn't. His lips filled me with such excitement that I couldn't resist. He tried to deepen it as Matt called for him again. "I have to go." He kissed me one last time before backing away and smiling. "I love that I can do that. I'll call you later."

"Alright, bye Brian," I said, forcing the smile plastered on my face. He waved and hurried out of the room, yelling insults back at Matt. While I loved Brian's kiss, it still didn't even out the pain of losing Zack. I waited until I heard the bus leave before I left, joining Leana in my car.

"Leana," I started. "Jimmy loves you, he'll be back for you, don't worry."

"Thanks." She smiled, wiping away her few last tears. "I'm sure Zack feels the same about you."

My heart froze as I stuck the keys in the ignition and turned the car on. "Yeah..."