Unforgettable Charm

It was real. It wasn’t a part of our script, it wasn’t something pretend; he leaned in and had kissed me. At first, I was stunned. Was this really happening? Why was he doing this? What did this mean? Were things going to be different? All of these thoughts had started running through my head, all of these emotions had hit me at once. Then I stopped, and I let myself just…feel it. I let myself enjoy the warmth of his lips against mine, how soft they were, how good they felt against mine.

I’d been kissed before, but those were nothing in comparison. I had never felt such passion, such intensity from another person in this way before. It was as if I was experiencing my first real kiss, and I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want the light, floating feeling to be over with, I wanted more. I wanted to keep this feeling with me.

Josh had wrapped his arms around my waist, and I snaked my arms around his neck, not wanting to stop. My breath was caught in my throat, I let myself sink into him completely. My body was on fire, his hands were touching my waist where their was bare skin, and I had never been so aware of his hands on me until this moment. The slightly calloused, yet soft hands touching my waist, gripping it. It was almost as if he didn’t want it to end either, but it did.

He pulled away, breathless, as did I. For a moment, all I could do, was keep my eyes shut, and try to regain the balance that I had felt myself losing while we had been kissing. When I finally opened my eyes he was staring right at me. I didn’t say anything, and neither did he. He stepped away from me, pulling his hands away from my waist and let out the breath that he had been holding. I stood still, waiting for him to say something, anything. But their was nothing, instead, without hesitation, he opened the door, and left.

I had stood there, stunned. What happened? I didn’t know what to think, did he not want the kiss to happen? If he didn’t, then why did he start it? Was it too much for him? Did he regret it? I hadn’t known what to think, after all this time something finally happened, and yet, that was it? He kissed me and he had just walked out like that?

For the next few hours that night, I was simply confused. But as the night dragged on and I hadn’t slept, I grew angry. How could he just kiss me and walk out like that? What made him think that doing that was okay? I had managed to get some sleep, and the next morning, I got even angrier. No calls, no texts, of course not. Only a coward would walk out after a kiss like that and that not even speak to the other person the next day.

That had gone on for about a week. Yes, I could’ve been the bigger person and contacted him first, but I didn’t have it in me. Confusion, had turned into anger, and my anger had turned into embarrassment. I never should’ve let it happen, I knew something like that would ruin our friendship. I had been afraid of that happening ever since we met. Josh had turned into my best friend, and my moment of weakness had just cost me my friendship with Josh. How could I face him now? It was obvious now that I had feelings for him, and after that kiss I felt so rejected, I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye.

After two weeks of not speaking to each other it was becoming unbearable. I had started getting ready to film for my next role, and it was getting hard to concentrate when all I could think about was Josh. Dianna told me to talk to him, after lecturing me about our situation for about an hour I finally gave in. I wanted to know what was going on in his life, I wanted to talk, I wanted to catch up, I was missing my best friend. Despite what had happened I needed my best friend back, I needed to act mature and just get over it. Yes, it was the most amazing kiss I had ever had, wit the most amazing guy I had ever met, but I was an adult. If he didn’t want anything more then friendship then that was fine. I just wanted to move past everything and get on with our lives, even if that meant things between Josh and I would be different.

I decided to start off small, and send him a text.

Hey.

Simple enough, if he didn’t respond then he was either busy, or just not ready to talk to me yet. Either way, I would wait for his reply and try to talk to him. I heard my phone buzz a minute after I sent out my text.

Hey, we should meet up soon.

Maybe he wanted to catch up on each others lives, but maybe he wanted to talk about what happened. It didn’t matter to me, as long as Josh and I could move past it, then it was fine.

Sure, when and where?

An hour? Park by your apartment?

Okay, see you then.

It was probably the longest hour of my life. I put on some jeans with sandals and a blue tank top and waited till it was five of eight to walk across the street to the park. As I entered the park I could see Josh, wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt, standing with his hands in his pocket, facing the direction that the sun was setting. I walked up to him and stood next to him, he looked over at me and gave me a small smile. Then he did something I didn’t expect, he faced me, and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Although it was the last thing that I had been expecting, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back.

“I’ve missed you,” I heard him say.

“I missed you, too,” my voice was came out softer then I had intended it to.

He pulled away and stared at me, and went straight into it, “I’m sorry, Katie.”

“For?”

“You know what for,” he said, staring down at me. “I shouldn’t of did what I did, I feel awful. It was uncalled for.”

I felt like I was constantly confused. “Josh, exactly what are you apologizing for?”

“Everything, Katie. I shouldn’t of kissed you. It wasn’t right, we’re friends and I didn’t want that ruined. I don’t know what came over me.”

I could feel my heart drop, my stomach started to form knots. “Oh, right.”

“Yeah, Katie it was wrong.”

“Why?”

“Why what, Katie?”

“Why was it so wrong?”

Josh looked at me like he was confused. “Because, we’re friends.”

I knew I had told myself that I would drop it, and that if he didn’t feel the same way I would let it go. But I had to know why it was so ‘wrong’ of him to kiss me, why he felt so bad. Just because we were friends? Was that really it?

“I know we’re friends, but sometimes friends get feelings for each other, Josh. Why would it be so wrong for friends to kiss?”

Josh looked away from me for a moment and sighed. “Because, because maybe their was someone else in the picture.”

And their it was, the bomb had been dropped. I should’ve known better, I’m an idiot for not thinking of that explanation sooner. I did everything I could not to let the hurt show on my face, I couldn’t let him know how bad that had hurt me.

“Oh, you’re right then. It shouldn’t of happened.”

Josh looked at me, “Yeah, it was a dumb mistake on my part.”

I let out a small laugh. “Yeah, it was. But hey, at least it’s out of the way. We can just go back to how things were.” I thought it would be best just to brush it off, I mean, what else could I do? Tell him how I feel? No, I don’t think so. Not when theirs someone else in the picture now.

Josh had looked almost shocked that I had said that, but then quickly regained his composure. “Yeah, I’ve missed my best friend,” he said, chuckling.

“Me too,” I smiled at him the best I could.

“And I promise, I won’t do anything like that again. Like I said, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said smiling. “So, this girl, how did that happen?” I asked, trying my hardest not to sound like I was disappointed. The last thing I wanted was to hear about the girl Josh was practically seeing, but it would be weird if I told him I didn’t want to. So I sucked it up, and pretended to be happy for him.

“She’s just a girl from my hometown, we’ve been talking for awhile, but recently things got more, I guess, romantic,” he said laughing.

“Oh, awesome. That’s great Josh, so you guys are officially seeing each other?”

“No, not yet, just taking it slow.” His phone started to ring, he took it out and looked at the called ID then back at me. “Hey, I know we’re catching up and everything, but I really need to take this, want to hang out later this week?”

“Yeah, sure.” I figured it was his new girlfriend calling.

“Awesome, text me when you’re free.” He leaned and gave me a tight hug, which I returned.

I started walking back to my apartment, and as soon as I was inside with the door shut behind me, I let it go. The tears just spilled and I couldn’t seem to stop them, I was never one to cry over a guy, but I couldn’t help but feel so hurt, so rejected. It hurt, knowing someone who I cared about more then anything, was with someone else. I should be grateful though, that nothing else besides a kiss happened. Maybe this was what I needed. For him to start seeing another girl, this could give me the push that I needed to try and move on. It wouldn’t be easy, he was my best friend so I would see him all the time, but I would stop the daydreaming, the wishing. I would let myself focus on other things, like my new career, and if another guy came along the way, I would give him a chance. After all, nothing was stopping my anymore.