I Lied When I Said I Didn't Love You

Tre’s P.O.V

Mike was starting to scare me. He was so twitchy now- like one knock could break him. It was like trying to tiptoe elephants past a fragile glass vase or something. And everyone knows I’m not good with fragile stuff. That’s the thing about me. I like to be loud. I like to make people laugh. I like to have a shock factor.

But was the use of all this when Mike was so upset. I hate seeing my friends upset. Especially him. I don’t know why but there is this part of me that always wants Mike to be happy, no matter what. I just can’t stand to see him like this.

I thought about this when I cleaned up his puke. Vomit doesn’t really bother me. I lived up with the crazy mountain people in a place with no TV, electricity or cartoons for most of my life. I’ve seen much worse. My Dad always told me it was the perfect place for me to live- there I could be as loud as I wanted and didn’t have to worry about angry neighbours.
Which was true. I liked riding my bike up the huge ramps my sister and I made out of dirt and pretending to be a stunt man the best.

If I didn't have my heart set on being a drummer, I think I would’ve been an actor or a comedian. Something fun like that. I mean could you see me being an accountant? No way! I have way too much energy for an office job. And I’d probably get fired for coming to work wasted off my ass or in drag. Some shit like that.

But anyway, back to Mike.

After cleaning up, I decided to go check on him. He looked pretty shocked earlier, the poor guy. I shuddered. Imagine having some strange guy just come up and-

No, even my imagination doesn’t go that far.

I stood outside his room, getting ready to go in. Say something supportive, you know, like “Mike, I’m here for you always, no matter what.”

Or was that too sappy? I didn’t want him thinking I was coming on to him or anything. I may be a horny bastard most of the time but I didn’t think I would want to do anything like THAT with Mike. Or Billie.

I stopped as I reached for the handle. I could hear Mike’s voice. Oh my God! He was talking to himself!

A moment later I gave myself a mental head-slap. Fool! He wasn’t talking to himself! He was on the phone, idiot! Sometimes I get so disgusted with my own stupidity.

I pressed my ear to the door. Yeah, I know eavesdropping on your friends is bad. But I was seriously worried about Mike- and this could maybe help me on how to talk to him.

“… No, I never told Billie about Coach raping me. He and Tre haven’t got a clue,” I heard Mike say shakily, his voice thick. I froze.

Mike was raped?

I fell down on the floor, sitting against the wall. I suddenly felt faint. How come Mike had never told us?

Well, I could understand why. Rape is a terrible thing. My sister once almost got raped. Scared the living shit out of her. And me. But- poor Mike! It seemed that all the shit stuff happened to him. It just wasn’t fair! It was stuff like this that made me wonder if there even was a God.

I crawled back to the door. I needed to listen more before running off to Billie. Maybe he said, “No, I wasn’t silly about the poached crepe thing Bea.” Oh who the fuck was I kidding?Of course I’d heard right!

He was saying something else now.

“No, I can’t tell them! They’ll think that I’m weird, or dirty! They’ll start treating me strangely! I don’t want that to happen! They’re already concerned enough already.”

My heart sank as I heard this. Mike didn’t even trust his own friends to not hurt him. What had the world done to him? He was no longer relaxed and happy. He was always just uptight and scared.

“I don’t get it… I’m the one that always gets abused and left. What’s wrong with me? I just want to be accepted and treated right,” I heard Mike sob. “And- and I really want to be loved! It’s all I ask.”

I blinked back a tear. Oh Mike.

What did they do to you?

“Every time I find someone that loves me they either leave or something happens. Like Billie- and- and Sasha!”

Sasha? Sasha who? I didn’t know any Sasha’s. And neither did Mike, to my knowledge.
Maybe he met her in the hospital, or when he ran away for a night.

“Sorry, I’m okay now,” Mike sniffed. “You want to meet up? Where? Okay. See you tomorrow.”
He hung up. I heard his feet pad towards the door. I straighten up quickly, taking a couple of steps back from the door. Just in time, too. The door flung open. If I had been standing there it would’ve been quite a bump to the head.

Mike’s eye were red, his cheeks stained with tears. He clutched a tissue in his hand.

“Oh, hi Tre,” he said. I reached out to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay now, Mike?” I asked.

No silliness now. Mike needed me.

Mike looked surprised at my question, like he thought I wouldn’t really care. Maybe he did.

“I’m fine, thanks. Sorry for freaking out before- I just-well-“

“You don’t have to explain. I understand. I would’ve done that too.”

Mike stared at me for a moment, his wary blue eyes meeting mine. I gazed at him silently, taking a step forward.

“Mike, you don’t have to torture yourself like this. I care about you, and I promise you I will always try to make sure you feel safe,” I said quietly. I didn’t know where these words were coming from. All I knew was they rang true.

“Tre- I- thank you,” Mike stammered. I couldn’t help but smile.

Mike was very cute when he was flustered.

“I love you Mike,” I said suddenly. Before my brain could register what had come out of my mouth, I found myself in a very awkward situation.

Kissing Mike. On the lips.