I Lied When I Said I Didn't Love You
No Comedy, Just Plain Old Tragedy
Billie’s P.O.V
After Mike had left to go somewhere, I sat on my bed and took a minute to think. Tre had told me about Mike being raped by Coach. I blamed myself. I was the one that dragged him into playing football with me at school- hell, I could’ve even stayed back instead of taking a stupid shower! It made my blood boil, thinking about that goddamn Coach touching Mike, hurting him for his own sick pleasure. A terrible feeling sat in my stomach when I thought about Mike keeping this a secret all these years. No wonder he was so eaten up inside and had all those issues. You should never bottle up emotion- you have to release it somehow. I did that by writing songs. It helped a lot.
I curled my hands into balls; my sharp nails digging into my soft skin. Thinking about Mike like this had given me a headache.
I could still remember how the day after, I burst in on him taking a shower and saw all the bruises and burns on his body. Mike had stammered, trying to explain as he attempted to cover himself. I naively assumed that Mike had gotten into a fight on the way home. How stupid of me.
How would he have gotten those deep purple bruises down the back of his thighs and buttocks from a fight?
Because of that we didn’t have sex for weeks. I still couldn’t believe how I didn’t realise. If I had, maybe Mike wouldn’t have gotten so strange.
I sighed quietly, straightening out my hands. I had to go talk to him about this. Set things right again.
I got up, throwing on my black, patched leather jacket. Hopefully I could catch up to Mike before he got to his destination.
“Hey Billie-O, where are you marching off to?” Tre asked as I walked past him on my way to the door. His blue eyes were bright with sudden curiosity. Tre was such a nosey little guy. He just wanted to know everything about what was going on, when it happened. To tell you the truth, it could get very annoying at times.
“I’m going to find Mike. I need to talk to him,” I told him, opening the door. Tre jumped up, catching my arm.
“No! He’ll completely freak out! You know what Mike’s like.”
“Tre, I have to. He needs to get it out.”
“Can’t you wait until he gets back? And don’t you think if he wanted us to know he would’ve told us himself?”
“You mean so you didn’t have to listen to his private phone call?” I shot back. Tre let go of my arm, biting down on his lip so he wouldn’t say anything else.
“Alright- just please, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself,” he said finally. I shot out the door, running down the stairs two at a time. It was easier then taking the elevator. Well, not really but I was in a hurry.
I rushed down the street, searching for a glimpse of Mike’s shaggy head.
Hopefully I would find him before he did anything stupid.
Mike’s P.O.V
I was completely still, immobile with fear as I saw my attacker. He smirked at me when Mr Marda wasn’t looking, sliding down beside me.
“Hey faggot,” he hissed into my ear, his hot breath stinking of cigarette smoke. “Miss me?”
I let out a small squeak, shuffling away from him. Mr Marda, blinded by love hadn’t noticed a thing. He smiled warmly at my attacker.
“So Kevin, how was work?” he asked brightly. I was amazed at how he didn’t notice how ill at ease I was. My whole body was rigid, I felt like I had lockjaw. Kevin fake smiled at Mr Marda, stroking his hand gently.
“Oh, it was okay. Didn’t do much exciting stuff,” he said in that sickly smooth voice. Under the table, he was doing something quite different. His spider-like hand was slowly slithering up the front of my leg, finally resting in my lap. I flinched as his finger travelled down my zipper.
What was he doing? How could he do this right here, in broad daylight?
Didn’t anyone see?
I felt my heart rate going up rapidly, beating along the small of my back.
It seemed to be repeating this:
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Mr Marda didn’t notice any of this. He was too busy chattering and laughing, looking right into Kevin’s eyes the whole time. It was true. Infatuation made you blind.
I leapt up suddenly, tipping over the table. Kevin had tried to unzip m fly under the table, a disgusting grin on his face.
“Mike! What’s wrong with you?” Mr Marda cried, also standing up. His coffee had been flung back into his chest, spiling down his shirt and pants.
“Y-y-your boyfriend was touching me- under the table!” I stammered, not believing that I was actually saying this. “He was trying to unzip my fly!”
Mr Marda frowned at me, then looked at Kevin.
“Mike, you’re obviously mistaken. Kevin wouldn’t do that-“
“No, YOU’RE wrong!” I yelled. “Kevin would do that! HE WOULD! He’s been fucking STALKING me!”
Now the whole café was staring unashamedly at this dramatic scene. I had no idea how to shut myself up. I had lost all control over my speech.
“Mike,” Mr Marda said gently. “Kevin has not been stalking you. You’re just thinking of the man that attacked you, and mixing him up with Kevin. Please sit down.”
I stayed standing, my hands trembling. Kevin gave me a dangerous smirk, like that cat that had got the cream. It was his word against mine- and I didn’t think anyone would take my side.
“I’M NOT CONFUSED! I’m telling the truth- your boyfriend is the one that nearly RAPED me!” I screamed. Mr Marda looked shocked.
“Mike-“
“No. You don’t believe me!” I uttered. I was disgusted to find tears were running down my cheeks in mini waterfalls. Why did I have to cry? Was I that pathetic?
Mr Marda tried again, reaching out to touch me.
“Mike-“
I had enough. I turned and ran out of the café, pushing past the murmuring people and sprinting down the street. I cried as I ran, choking on my own breaths. I just needed to get out. It was all too much. The walls were closing in on me; everyone was out to get me. I wasn’t safe anywhere.
As I was running, I thought I heard someone shout my name. I didn’t dare to turn around and find out whom it was. If it was Mr Marda- I just couldn’t face it. He didn’t believe me. He believed his stupid bastard of a boyfriend.
“MIKE!” I heard again, the voice clearer. In a panic I ran faster, spurred on by pure fear. I leapt over a box, my legs zigzagging in the air as I fell to the ground.
Right in the middle of the road.
I heard the squeal of a car breaking and shut my eyes. I was sure I was going to be killed by the car.
Suddenly I felt someone barge into me, pushing me out of the road. I rolled into the curb, just in time to see the person that rescued me get hit by the car.
I screamed as their all too familiar body crashed to the ground at the side of me, their puffed up brown hair wet with blood.
It was Billie.
“Oh God, no! Please! No!” I sobbed, staring at his closed eyes and willing them to open up, for him to leap to his feet screaming
“FOOLED YOU!”
Nothing happened. Billie was completely still, his skin pale under the dark red blood flowing down his forehead in tiny rivers. Maybe he was already dead. My blind stupidity may have cost the life of my very best friend.
Best friend?
Who was I kidding?
I realised now I would never be happy with best friend. All those emotions that I thought I had locked away for good came bubbling up to the surface in a wave of heat. My heart felt like it was on fire as I sat there beside his crumpled form, weeping and clutching his hand. I could feel a weak pulse, barely beating. I prayed desperately it wouldn’t disappear.
“Oh my lord,” I heard someone mutter behind me. A crowd of people were standing around us, whispering in shock. I turned around, my vision blurred.
“Somebody, anybody, call an ambulance! Please! He can’t die! He can’t!” I sobbed, my shoulders shaking. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see a complete stranger looking down at me.
“The hospital’s been called. Come on, you’d better get inside.”
“No!” I protested, jerking away. I knelt at Billie’s side, stroking his hair. It was matted with blood now. He had a huge gash at the back of his head.
A minute later the ambulance arrived. They quickly moved him into the van, shutting the doors on me when I tried to follow. Before I could cry out, they drove away, lights flashing brightly and sirens blaring.
I stood silently in the street, tears splashing on my coat.
Please don’t die, I begged, staring up at the grey sky.
I need you.
I love you…
After Mike had left to go somewhere, I sat on my bed and took a minute to think. Tre had told me about Mike being raped by Coach. I blamed myself. I was the one that dragged him into playing football with me at school- hell, I could’ve even stayed back instead of taking a stupid shower! It made my blood boil, thinking about that goddamn Coach touching Mike, hurting him for his own sick pleasure. A terrible feeling sat in my stomach when I thought about Mike keeping this a secret all these years. No wonder he was so eaten up inside and had all those issues. You should never bottle up emotion- you have to release it somehow. I did that by writing songs. It helped a lot.
I curled my hands into balls; my sharp nails digging into my soft skin. Thinking about Mike like this had given me a headache.
I could still remember how the day after, I burst in on him taking a shower and saw all the bruises and burns on his body. Mike had stammered, trying to explain as he attempted to cover himself. I naively assumed that Mike had gotten into a fight on the way home. How stupid of me.
How would he have gotten those deep purple bruises down the back of his thighs and buttocks from a fight?
Because of that we didn’t have sex for weeks. I still couldn’t believe how I didn’t realise. If I had, maybe Mike wouldn’t have gotten so strange.
I sighed quietly, straightening out my hands. I had to go talk to him about this. Set things right again.
I got up, throwing on my black, patched leather jacket. Hopefully I could catch up to Mike before he got to his destination.
“Hey Billie-O, where are you marching off to?” Tre asked as I walked past him on my way to the door. His blue eyes were bright with sudden curiosity. Tre was such a nosey little guy. He just wanted to know everything about what was going on, when it happened. To tell you the truth, it could get very annoying at times.
“I’m going to find Mike. I need to talk to him,” I told him, opening the door. Tre jumped up, catching my arm.
“No! He’ll completely freak out! You know what Mike’s like.”
“Tre, I have to. He needs to get it out.”
“Can’t you wait until he gets back? And don’t you think if he wanted us to know he would’ve told us himself?”
“You mean so you didn’t have to listen to his private phone call?” I shot back. Tre let go of my arm, biting down on his lip so he wouldn’t say anything else.
“Alright- just please, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself,” he said finally. I shot out the door, running down the stairs two at a time. It was easier then taking the elevator. Well, not really but I was in a hurry.
I rushed down the street, searching for a glimpse of Mike’s shaggy head.
Hopefully I would find him before he did anything stupid.
Mike’s P.O.V
I was completely still, immobile with fear as I saw my attacker. He smirked at me when Mr Marda wasn’t looking, sliding down beside me.
“Hey faggot,” he hissed into my ear, his hot breath stinking of cigarette smoke. “Miss me?”
I let out a small squeak, shuffling away from him. Mr Marda, blinded by love hadn’t noticed a thing. He smiled warmly at my attacker.
“So Kevin, how was work?” he asked brightly. I was amazed at how he didn’t notice how ill at ease I was. My whole body was rigid, I felt like I had lockjaw. Kevin fake smiled at Mr Marda, stroking his hand gently.
“Oh, it was okay. Didn’t do much exciting stuff,” he said in that sickly smooth voice. Under the table, he was doing something quite different. His spider-like hand was slowly slithering up the front of my leg, finally resting in my lap. I flinched as his finger travelled down my zipper.
What was he doing? How could he do this right here, in broad daylight?
Didn’t anyone see?
I felt my heart rate going up rapidly, beating along the small of my back.
It seemed to be repeating this:
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Stop it
Mr Marda didn’t notice any of this. He was too busy chattering and laughing, looking right into Kevin’s eyes the whole time. It was true. Infatuation made you blind.
I leapt up suddenly, tipping over the table. Kevin had tried to unzip m fly under the table, a disgusting grin on his face.
“Mike! What’s wrong with you?” Mr Marda cried, also standing up. His coffee had been flung back into his chest, spiling down his shirt and pants.
“Y-y-your boyfriend was touching me- under the table!” I stammered, not believing that I was actually saying this. “He was trying to unzip my fly!”
Mr Marda frowned at me, then looked at Kevin.
“Mike, you’re obviously mistaken. Kevin wouldn’t do that-“
“No, YOU’RE wrong!” I yelled. “Kevin would do that! HE WOULD! He’s been fucking STALKING me!”
Now the whole café was staring unashamedly at this dramatic scene. I had no idea how to shut myself up. I had lost all control over my speech.
“Mike,” Mr Marda said gently. “Kevin has not been stalking you. You’re just thinking of the man that attacked you, and mixing him up with Kevin. Please sit down.”
I stayed standing, my hands trembling. Kevin gave me a dangerous smirk, like that cat that had got the cream. It was his word against mine- and I didn’t think anyone would take my side.
“I’M NOT CONFUSED! I’m telling the truth- your boyfriend is the one that nearly RAPED me!” I screamed. Mr Marda looked shocked.
“Mike-“
“No. You don’t believe me!” I uttered. I was disgusted to find tears were running down my cheeks in mini waterfalls. Why did I have to cry? Was I that pathetic?
Mr Marda tried again, reaching out to touch me.
“Mike-“
I had enough. I turned and ran out of the café, pushing past the murmuring people and sprinting down the street. I cried as I ran, choking on my own breaths. I just needed to get out. It was all too much. The walls were closing in on me; everyone was out to get me. I wasn’t safe anywhere.
As I was running, I thought I heard someone shout my name. I didn’t dare to turn around and find out whom it was. If it was Mr Marda- I just couldn’t face it. He didn’t believe me. He believed his stupid bastard of a boyfriend.
“MIKE!” I heard again, the voice clearer. In a panic I ran faster, spurred on by pure fear. I leapt over a box, my legs zigzagging in the air as I fell to the ground.
Right in the middle of the road.
I heard the squeal of a car breaking and shut my eyes. I was sure I was going to be killed by the car.
Suddenly I felt someone barge into me, pushing me out of the road. I rolled into the curb, just in time to see the person that rescued me get hit by the car.
I screamed as their all too familiar body crashed to the ground at the side of me, their puffed up brown hair wet with blood.
It was Billie.
“Oh God, no! Please! No!” I sobbed, staring at his closed eyes and willing them to open up, for him to leap to his feet screaming
“FOOLED YOU!”
Nothing happened. Billie was completely still, his skin pale under the dark red blood flowing down his forehead in tiny rivers. Maybe he was already dead. My blind stupidity may have cost the life of my very best friend.
Best friend?
Who was I kidding?
I realised now I would never be happy with best friend. All those emotions that I thought I had locked away for good came bubbling up to the surface in a wave of heat. My heart felt like it was on fire as I sat there beside his crumpled form, weeping and clutching his hand. I could feel a weak pulse, barely beating. I prayed desperately it wouldn’t disappear.
“Oh my lord,” I heard someone mutter behind me. A crowd of people were standing around us, whispering in shock. I turned around, my vision blurred.
“Somebody, anybody, call an ambulance! Please! He can’t die! He can’t!” I sobbed, my shoulders shaking. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see a complete stranger looking down at me.
“The hospital’s been called. Come on, you’d better get inside.”
“No!” I protested, jerking away. I knelt at Billie’s side, stroking his hair. It was matted with blood now. He had a huge gash at the back of his head.
A minute later the ambulance arrived. They quickly moved him into the van, shutting the doors on me when I tried to follow. Before I could cry out, they drove away, lights flashing brightly and sirens blaring.
I stood silently in the street, tears splashing on my coat.
Please don’t die, I begged, staring up at the grey sky.
I need you.
I love you…