I Lied When I Said I Didn't Love You

We stayed there drinking for hours, not a word passing between us.
I had to dull the memories, make it all go away for a little while.

So I kept drinking even though I knew I should’ve stopped. Tre did too. I couldn’t help but notice the way he would steal glances at me every couple of minutes, before turning away to drink some more. It made me uneasy- I kept feeling his eyes on the back of my neck, watching me quietly.

Finally we headed home, both pretty drunk. We stumbled up the stairs, pushing the door open and collapsing onto our beds. I shut the door before I flopped down, staring into the dark. My intoxicated mind went over-active now that I was alone, thoughts were whizzing around in my head like balloons. I shivered. I didn’t like being all on my own.

I needed distractions right now.

I clenched my eyes shut, willing my mind to go blank so I could sleep. Sleep sounded too good to be true, just to drop out the world for a couple of hours.

Suddenly my door creaked open, Tre stepping into the room. What did he want at this time?

I heard Tre’s footsteps gently pad across the room, stopping at the side of my bed. He quietly slid under the covers, moving closer until his bare chest rested against my back. I flinched slightly as I felt him sigh his skin causing goose bumps where it touched me.

“Hmm? Tre, what are you doing?” I asked sleepily, my eyes still closed. Tre shushed me by placing a cool finger over my lips, tracing the shape of my nose and jaw in the dark. I felt his hands paint circles on my face and neck, his warm breath echoing in my ear.

“Let’s pretend, Mike. Let’s pretend I’m Billie,” Tre whispered, his hand stroking the hollow between my neck and shoulder. I lifted up my head, turning over to face him.

“What? Tre, what do you mean?” I asked. Tre smiled in the dark, the moonlight bouncing off his teeth.

“You want him, don’t you? You drove off Adie, because you wanted him so much. Lets pretend I’m him,” he breathed, putting a hand to the side of his head and drawing me close. I felt his soft lips on mine, his tongue trying to taste my mouth, as he pressed closer a sense of urgency in his kiss. I tried to pull away, but Tre wouldn’t let me, his eyes pleading as he gazed up at me.

“Please, Mike. Just tonight… Please,” he said softly, looking down. I felt my heart ache as I looked at his dejected form. It wasn’t fair for him. Why did he have to feel this way about me? Most likely it would always be unrequited, he would have to watch me with other people, hiding his longing.

I realised how familiar that sounded, how horribly similar this all was.

I didn’t want Tre to end up like me.

As he looked down, I gently slid my fingers under his chin, lifting his head until he looked into my eyes.

“Okay,” I said quietly, before leaning forward until our lips met. Tre’s arms wound around me, his hands resting on my back. His tongue slipped between my lips, gently touching the tip of mine.
I felt his hand slide down my side, lightly stroking my thigh as we kissed. His nimble fingers played with the elastic of my boxers, itching to go further but holding back. I was grateful for him stopping himself. I wasn’t geared up for that just yet. I really wasn’t.

He nipped at my lip, his teeth clashing with mine, as the kiss steadily got more passionate, a spark starting ignite until the flames were hotter then the fires of hell. His mouth wandered away from mine as he laid me down, dragging along my jaw. He leaned over me, kissing my collarbone, the top of my chest. I couldn’t help but cry out when he got down to my nipples, biting them until spots of blood appeared on his lips. He licked them away hungrily, kissing down my stomach.

“F-f-f-fuck, Tre, are you Dracula’s son or something?” I stuttered, laughing nervously as his lips met my smooth patch of skin just over my boxers. He hovered for a moment, his busy fingers working to pull them down. I started to wriggle away but Tre just shook his head, before pulling my boxers right down.

“Tre- Tre, can we just stop here?” I asked quickly, my voice sounding shrill. Tre looked up at me, his darkening eyes filled with lust.

“Please, Mike. Just pretend it’s Billie. You’ve been wanting him to do this to you for so long, haven’t you?” he whispered, his words thick and slow. I couldn’t hold back a gasp as his mouth wrapped around me, sucking gently. Blood rushed through my veins, boiling and simmering as he continued on. I arched my neck, trying not to lose control and cry out again. It would be easier to pretend if I didn’t talk. Much easier to forget who I was with, to forget what I was even doing.

Don’t think, I willed silently, just do.

Don’t think.

Just do.

Finally Tre finished the job, wiping his mouth on the sheets. His hand went around me now, stroking and caressing until I thought my head would explode. Suddenly I let out a groan, bucking into Tre’s hand as I lost the battle to keep control. Tre grinned, sliding my boxers completely off and dropping them on the floor. I slithered back, completely naked.

“Tre-“

“Sh, Mike. Sh… don’t worry,” he murmured, stripping off until he too was naked. He made me lay on my stomach while he got ready. I heard the crinkle of plastic and the sound of him spitting, before he slowly clambered on my back, his arms wrapping around my chest. His head rested on my shoulder, his breath tickling my ear. I felt him go in, gritting my teeth as he thrust forward.

Tre felt my shoulders stiffen and waited a moment before going again. I hung onto the sides of the bed as he kept going, my eyes focused on the wall.

This wasn’t how everything was supposed to happen.

It was the wrong person, the wrong place, hell, everything was wrong.

But still I didn’t stop.

I didn’t care anymore. It didn’t matter.

But all I could think of as we fornicated in that room, was how much I wished it were someone else.

Some one I actually had feelings for.