Tristis Nox

I laughed as I rubbed my head in embarrassment. “Um, well, some people hinted that we may have slept together last night.”
“Who are these ‘people’ and why does it look like you have more to this story?” Robby asked apprehensively.
“Well, I was having lunch with the Haron and Cast families,” Robby’s face contorted into slight fear of what I was about to say. “And let’s see how to put this… Moira commented how we were out late last night, which was fine whatever, but she kinda was rude when she said we had to have been having sex because there was no way we could have had a conversation that long. I told her I had no clue what she was hinting at and assured her that we did in fact talk all night. She found that hard to believe since you never talk and then I ah kinda told her that the reason you probably don’t talk that much is because she’s too stupid to understand what you are saying or her topics are so inane that you act boring so she would not interact with you. She got all offended and said that she had very deep topics and I proceeded to tell her to tell me what these amazing topics were so I could judge since I like most of the same things as male’s do in this kingdom. She got kinda mad and An- Princess Anita had to step in before blood was spilt.” I bit my lip. “I may have done more damage than good, but it’s probably my rep that’s damaged and not yours.”
“Tristis.” Robby groaned into his palm as Jonathan burst out laughing.
“You really have no filter, do you Tristis?” Jonathan doubled over.
I pouted, “I do, but if someone bashes my friends I’m gunna defend them. Plus, it wasn’t like I was entirely rude about it. I talked to her in a very sweet and calm voice.”
“Only you would be sweet while trying to prove someone wrong.” Rayna shook her head.
“What was I suppose to do? Sit there and take it?”
“No, but I feel you need a little social etiquette on how to deal with snobs.” Jonathan smiled kindly, though laughter was still in his eyes.
*Glad I can still be of entertainment value to people.* “I think I showed great self-control. I could have straight up told her to mind her own business and stop being bitchy.” Rayna gasped while Jonathan and Robby looked at me surprised. “Ah, sorry forgive my language, I did not mean to offend you.”
“It is fine, just watch your language. Being crude like that will only make more enemies and make the king and princess look bad.” Jonathan patted my knee.
“Aye, sir. Man I’m just screwing up all over the place.” I sighed as my chin rested on my palm. “You’d think by now I would have learned to control myself better.”
“You are still young, you have time to learn from your mistakes.”
*Young? I’m over two hundred times your age, Jonathan, it should be I who is teaching you.* “I don’t know, I always make the same mistakes.”
“Like what?”
“Making friends in places I go. Caring about people who will die before I, such as the people here.” I looked straight at him with a serious face. His eyebrows mashed together in confusion. After a moment I burst out laughing and gasped out, “Just kidding, man you should have seen your face.” I looked back up at him, but quickly dropped my eyes for fear they should the truth behind my words. “But seriously, I say the wrong thing to the wrong people and cause my friends’ lives to be harder.”
“What do you mean by ‘make your friends lives harder’?”
“Take Robby for example, all I did was hangout with him and now he is the center of gossip and I probably made it worse with my comments to Moira. I drag people through the mud with me when I don’t mean to.”
“It takes work, but eventually you will learn when to stay your tongue and when to speak.” *I’ll never learn that lesson…* “You appear to be a person full of justice and won’t stand by when someone else is being hurt. That isn’t always a bad thing, but you have to learn when to wait to save them and what is the best way to do it.” *I’ve heard this before, Jonathan, I will keep trying but I don’t see any good coming of it.*
“Thanks, Jonathan, I will try to take your advice.”
Jonathan stared at me long and hard, as if for the first time really seeing me for more than just a young kid. “You have old eyes.”
My eyes once again dropped and I got up. “I should get going, I’m supposed to be at dinner tonight. Thank you for having me and sorry for dragging you into this Robby.” I headed for the door and the two siblings said their farewells.
Just as I was walking out the door, Jonathan gently grabbed my arm. “You have a deeply rooted hurt in your eyes, Tristis, just remember that no matter what, we are your friends.”
I was quiet a moment. *I should start pulling away…* “The hurt is because I have friends.” I whispered. Before Jonathan could question what I had almost inaudibly said I stepped out of his grasp and thanked him. “Thank you, but I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.” I quickly walked away, leaving a very confused man behind.
It is always around this time that I am hit with the eon old realization that I am a screw up. It is always when I do something incredibly stupid and feel most vulnerable that I look back on my life and realize I have not changed, no matter how many times I am told what the proper way to behave is. I cannot help myself as my mind reels over how I always befriend people, make people hate me, care for people, drag people into my messes, and then destroy the little happiness I created while on my mission. Deep down I know I am not suppose to, I am to watch idly as time passes and my tattoos change so I can erase the world and make it new. But I have always been defective and feel the need to try change the world for the better. Each time I am rewarded with disappointment and blood on my hands. It is times like these I want Vay to come down and tell me everything will be okay, but I know that will never happen as long as I am a screw up. You cannot teach a dog new tricks, and I know that better than anyone else.
I mope into the castle and inform the butler that I would not be eating. I drag my tired, depressed body into my room and quietly shut the door. I rip off my clothes and stare sadly at my back’s reflection. *A month at most before I fail this world and complete my goal here.* I grab a robe and sit at the window to look out into the bruising sky.