I'll Be There

My long black hair, the same color as my name, carried gently in the wind of the desolate place. I was the only person around. Well, that’s a lie. I was the only living person around. I caught a strand of hair that blocked my view and tucked it behind my ear. I took a deep, calming breath as I read the inscription on the stone before me. “Christine Mason: Beloved Mother, may God watch over you.” It’s been two years since she died while watching over me. Back then my teenage self was devastated, and only wanted to escape once again. I completely ignored anything to do with her funeral, and I didn’t even know where she was buried until recently. I’ve finally come to terms and accepted that her life was in turmoil, and if she hadn’t given me up then I might be worse than I am today. Instead of cursing her for abandoning me, I was grateful that she chose to give me a better life. Unfortunately that’s not how my story goes. However, if I hadn’t run away from my adopted family then I never would have met Dj or be where I am right now; I might be dead in a sewer or a child addict.
I closed my eyes, taking another calming breath. Then I glanced up at the cloudy sky. Wispy, grey clouds obscured the afternoon sun, and rain threatened later tonight. Even though I had forgiven Mom, I still felt awkward standing here, saying nothing, lost in my thoughts. I wanted to get back to the car, back to my Dj. He would be standing here with me if it weren’t for me telling him that I needed to do this alone. That’s one thing I loved about him, he always understood and supported me in everything I did. I glanced down once more at my mother’s headstone, seeing the tiny built-in vase that had been void of flowers for two years. Carefully I pulled a folded up note from my pocket and kneeled down to set it in the old vase. I placed my hand on the stone, half to steady myself, half as some sign of comfort that I might be able to offer her. With my other hand I pulled out a lighter and lit the note, watching the tiny spark ignite in the evening breeze. With a nod of finality I stood up and walked away.
“Hey Mom, it’s me, Raven. I’m sorry I took so long to get here. The reason I’m writing this is because I’m afraid I’d feel awkward or crazy standing before you for the second time in my life, reciting my story to you. So, once I’m done writing I’m going to give this to you and burn it so that it will rise up to heaven for you to read.
It’s taken me two long years of thinking to finally accept everything that’s happened in my life. I don’t blame you for leaving me anymore, in fact, I thank you. Even though I had a hard time growing up, I can understand how it would have been worse living with you. I understand now that you couldn’t take care of me, and only wanted me safe. I also know why my ‘parents’ didn’t like my aunt very much. She’s your sister, Mom. We’ve become very close in the past year. She has told me stories about you, and watched over me while I was growing up, knowing how important I was to you. My whole life I was loved and I never even knew it.
Mom, you probably know by now, but I found Dad. I can see why you didn’t want to tell me, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. I still don’t know how you managed to have me from one very lucky groupie experience, but props for that. Dad is one of the best people in my life; he is always there for me, and feels guilty for not knowing me sooner. He is incredibly kind, and has taught me so much more about this world we live in. Mom, I wish you could have seen how truly beautiful things are.
And what about Dj? We’re happy as ever, like two peas in a pod. He got me a job interning with James for a few months, and now I get paid to help Dj produce albums. It’s tons of fun. I also love to help backstage during shows. I feel like a big ragdoll, tossed between Motley and Guns, but I wouldn’t trade these experiences for the world. Dj is the sweetest person alive, and I sometimes wonder if we will be together forever. I can feel it Mom, I think he’s the one. He’s even thinking about moving back to LA just for me because I miss it so much. Who else would do that sort of thing?
Anyway Mom, I don’t want to make you read too much. I know you’re watching over me anyway, I can feel you sometimes, I can feel a mother’s love at my side. I know you’re happier up there, playing cards with angels and jamming at the best concerts known to man-kind with Bon Scott, Dime, Hendrix, and Cobain. Maybe one day I’ll have the privilege of meeting heroes like them. Until then, I’m perfectly happy right where I am with Dj, Dad, and all of my extended family. I miss you Mom. Love your daughter, Raven.”