Lost

August 17th -7:14am
After making my promise to look after her sister, Venom had gone back inside to wake the others, leaving me alone in the chill of the early morning. I lit up a cigarette with the remains of her fire, placing it between my lips and inhaling sharply, barely fazed by the burning in my throat. I was past caring about rations or the unpleasant sensations caused by the lack of smoking; I was desperate for nicotine relief.

My head dropped as I blew the smoke out into the air and rubbed my tired eyes with my palms. We were already being watched, I could virtually feel the masked eyes burning into every angle of my body. They were dangerously close, poised with their weapons ready, just waiting for one of us to make a wrong move. I clutched the sides of my head in both hands at the thought.

Out of my peripheral vision I saw a pair of boots approaching and lifted my head as Fun Ghoul knelt beside me. I didn’t dare make eye contact with him, but his hand obstructed my view of the floor as he reached for the cigarette. I handed it to him without hesitation.

“Did nobody tell you we’re supposed to be saving these?” he questioned me seriously, his voice still heavy with sleep. I shrugged. Saving them for what, exactly? Emergencies? It wasn’t like cigarettes were essential and besides, to me this was a fucking emergency. He might as well have been wrapping a noose around my neck, and me his. “I packed up your stuff for you. We have to go soon.”

The second the words left his mouth, reality hit me. This is it. Both of us are leaving, only one of us is coming back – if we’re lucky. The cigarette landed at my feet as he released a final lungful of smoke and I violently stamped it out. I opened my mouth to apologize, to fix everything while I still had the chance, but my voice failed me. I barely managed to choke out an “Okay,” before I picked myself up and went inside.

The place was practically empty now, aside from a collection of rucksacks piled next to the door. There was a buzz of conversation as everyone said their goodbyes and good lucks, but my focus was on Venom and Lucid. They stood alone in the corner clutching each other tightly. Lucid’s psychological ability found itself hidden, no doubt pushed aside by her natural desire to stay by her sister’s side.

“Listen,” Venom said sternly. “Learn what you can from the guys while we’re doing this, okay?” Lucid was nodding obediently and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility. I couldn’t afford to think irrationally when I had someone as young as Lucid to protect and teach. I had made a promise and I intended to keep it. I approached them both and whispered my promise once again into Venom’s ear before pulling her into an awkward one armed embrace. She smiled gratefully and turned back to Lucid.

As I turned around Fun Ghoul approached me once more. This time I didn’t walk away, I couldn’t walk away. We stood a short distance apart, his hands balled into fists at his sides, mine pushing lazily through my hair. “I’m sorry I yelled last night.” I muttered, still not making eye contact with him. He shook his head.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you stupid.” He closed the gap between us, wrapping his arms around my waist. I instinctively placed my hands on his back, squeezing him tightly. “I’ll see you in a few days, okay?” He was looking up at me with a glint in his eyes that said ‘just agree with me’, but I couldn’t. We had to consider every possibility and if this was the last time I'd see him, I needed to make it worth it.

“Look, whatever happens out there, just remember that I love you.” I murmured. His body – which I had barely realized was so tense until now – immediately relaxed. He didn’t return the words but he didn’t have to. The way he clutched my jacket desperately before he pulled away was enough. I watched as he, Venom and Art Breaker grabbed their kits from the pile and headed for the exit. Before he stepped outside, Ghoul turned back to me, a look of determination clear in his eyes.

“Fight for both of us, baby.”