Sequel: Hit the Dust ›
Status: Flora pro-active
Lost
Chapter 8
August 18th- 1:06am
My mind was on overdrive. My mentality, my heart - everything was completely clouded and overwhelmed with emotion. Practically every negative thought and feeling had crossed my mind at least once.
I felt grief stricken. I had managed to convince myself that he was dead. Murdered. I knew deep down that I had no way of knowing for sure if he was dead or alive which just made me feel ten times worse, but I couldn't see any reason why Korse would keep him alive. His main aim in his mission for a perfect world was to get to me - I was his most wanted. He didn't want me dead though, I knew that. He wanted me brainwashed and at his disposal. What better way to get to me than to get rid of the person I loved most? And boy, he had got to me.
I felt scared. I was terrified about what the future would hold for me now - if I had a future. I'd never ideated going on without Fun Ghoul. I guess being in the midst of a war it should have been one of the first things we'd considered, but it hadn't even crossed my mind. It was now. I could barely conceive of a life without him and I was truly terrified. I was scared for my friends as well as myself, though. There was no way we could win this without him.
I felt angry. I was angry with Art Breaker for presenting the idea of the two of us splitting up but I was more angry with myself for seizing it as an opportunity to protect everyone else without considering how to protect him. I felt guilty for not doing more to protect him.
The others had tried to comfort me for a while and snap me out of this state of hopelessness but it hadn't work and eventually they gave up, deciding that I just needed "time to come to terms with it". Lucid stayed with me, keeping her arms around my waist upon observing that I would somehow feel better being held. She was wrong but I allowed it. I didn't have the strength to protest. I felt utterly lost.
When all the conflict started I had been motivated, so determined to fight for emotion, for art, for our fucking souls and our freedom, but now with nothing but afflictive feelings inside me I was second guessing myself.
Suddenly none of it seemed worth it.
My mind was on overdrive. My mentality, my heart - everything was completely clouded and overwhelmed with emotion. Practically every negative thought and feeling had crossed my mind at least once.
I felt grief stricken. I had managed to convince myself that he was dead. Murdered. I knew deep down that I had no way of knowing for sure if he was dead or alive which just made me feel ten times worse, but I couldn't see any reason why Korse would keep him alive. His main aim in his mission for a perfect world was to get to me - I was his most wanted. He didn't want me dead though, I knew that. He wanted me brainwashed and at his disposal. What better way to get to me than to get rid of the person I loved most? And boy, he had got to me.
I felt scared. I was terrified about what the future would hold for me now - if I had a future. I'd never ideated going on without Fun Ghoul. I guess being in the midst of a war it should have been one of the first things we'd considered, but it hadn't even crossed my mind. It was now. I could barely conceive of a life without him and I was truly terrified. I was scared for my friends as well as myself, though. There was no way we could win this without him.
I felt angry. I was angry with Art Breaker for presenting the idea of the two of us splitting up but I was more angry with myself for seizing it as an opportunity to protect everyone else without considering how to protect him. I felt guilty for not doing more to protect him.
The others had tried to comfort me for a while and snap me out of this state of hopelessness but it hadn't work and eventually they gave up, deciding that I just needed "time to come to terms with it". Lucid stayed with me, keeping her arms around my waist upon observing that I would somehow feel better being held. She was wrong but I allowed it. I didn't have the strength to protest. I felt utterly lost.
When all the conflict started I had been motivated, so determined to fight for emotion, for art, for our fucking souls and our freedom, but now with nothing but afflictive feelings inside me I was second guessing myself.
Suddenly none of it seemed worth it.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry this took so long, I struggled a lot to connect with how Gerard was feeling. I feel like this chapter sums it up well enough.Let me know how you feel about it.
Lauzz x