Sequel: Hit the Dust
Status: Flora pro-active

Lost

Chapter 9

August 23rd -2:11pm

For several days I just wallowed, not doing much other than sitting and allowing my thoughts to torment me, grieving for a lover I couldn’t even be sure was dead. Kobra Kid sat with me for the majority of that time, whispering reassurances to me while Jet Star and Lucid Darkness made attempts to find or at least contact Venom Noise and Art Breaker, but as each stage of grief hit me hard and fast I could see that even he grew frustrated eventually.

The guilt hit me first and also hardest. My mind was clouded with unanswered questions, all the “why did”s, “why didn’t”s, “if only”s and “what if”s. Would he have stayed with me if I’d asked him to? If he didn’t know I had agreed to leave him to protect the others, would he have fought harder to get away from the dracs? What if he had deliberately let himself get caught for the sake of everyone else? Why didn’t we take that route instead of them? Why didn’t I fight to keep him with me? I was painfully aware of the fact that any one of these things would have meant he’d still be here alive and safe – well, as safe as you could be out here – and it tore me apart.

As the guilt faded I was struck with a wave of crippling depression. It wasn’t just sadness or grief, I was borderline suicidal for at least two days. With this helpless feeling came a sense of acceptance and I hated it. I accepted the possibility that he was dead, I accepted that if he was alive he’d be brainwashed and he’d try to kill us if we ever saw him again.

A few days ago I had ventured out on my own with these feelings. I used a supply hunt as a cover up so the others wouldn’t be suspicious, picked up my pack and just walked, in no specific direction. I didn’t really know where I was heading or what I was looking for. Maybe I just needed the time alone; maybe I subconsciously hoped I’d walk right into death, who knows?

I searched lazily for supplies while I was out. If I had something at least the others wouldn’t question where I’d really been or why I’d really done. I didn’t come across much other than a few scraps of dry wood for a fire, but it was better than nothing. I had also bumped into someone about three miles out, although it took me a while to register her identity. I didn’t see her as much of a threat as she was dressed rather brightly, however her lack of badge and logo on her gun – and lack of secret identity, I came to learn – told me that she wasn’t a Killjoy either. It was when I noticed the marking on her face, a bold, red X over one eye, that I realized what she was. Zonerunner.

Zonerunners were famous out here. They were essentially the neutral parties. Although equally bold and brightly colored, they didn’t run with Killjoys. They didn’t work for Better Living Industries either. Identified by the X over their eye, they sold medical supplies to any soldiers – Killjoy or otherwise – in exchange for necessities. The color of their X determined the kind of thing they sold, red for pills, herbs and surgical tools, black for essentials like bandages and cleaning alcohol.

I had apologised to her and tried to step around her but she had stopped me, no doubt to try and make a deal with me, try to sell my something. She stared at me for a long moment before she spoke and for some unknown reason I waited patiently.

“Hello, my name is Kenzie.” She announced, grinning politely. I just nodded, wanting to get this encounter over with as soon as possible. There was another awkward silence as she stared at me like she was analysing me or something. “You’re looking rough, kid. Something bothering you?” No shit, genius. Congratulations on that observation.

“We lost an ally.” I muttered blankly, not willing to give her any more information than that. She smirked.

“You lost the one you love. He’s been taken by the dracs and now you don’t know what to do with yourself. You’re questioning everything and the bottom line is, you’re depressed.” She explained in what can only be described as an upbeat tone, the smirk remaining all the while. I blinked twice in shock.

“So what, you’re a psychic now?” I spat. I wasn’t appreciative of the fact she knew my story and seemed to know my mind better than I did. What was she, a clairvoyant? A stalker? A draculoid in disguise? She chuckled.

“You’re Party Poison. Your face is on posters all over the Zones. Everyone knows you and your story.” She stated matter-of-factly. “I can help you with all your problems, you know?” I raised my eyebrow. “Okay, not the missing lover thing. But all your emotional problems, I can give you something to take the pain away.”

She tossed me a small orange bottle with about a hundred tiny white pills inside it. I stared at them for a second, turning the bottle in every direction in my hand. I was immediately suspicious about the lack of label on the bottle, aware that she could be giving me anything. Then again, Zonerunners were much like pharmacists. They had bosses and would most likely lose their job over fraud. I looked up at her questioningly.

“They’re fairly new but they’ve had a lot of good press.” She told me in a professional voice. “They’re an anti-depressant of sorts. Designed to make hopeless feelings disappear.”

I thought about it for a long moment. We had been fighting to keep our emotions, would it be completely hypocritical to take these? Could I trust a stranger? I knew she was a professional but she knew nothing about me or my feelings. But feeling the pang in my heart as I thought of Fun Ghoul, it seemed like maybe it could be worth it. It was nothing extreme, right? Just something to ease the pain.

“This can make me forget?” I asked, holding up the bottle and shaking it so the pills rattled. She shrugged and smiled lightly.

“So I hear. I have to sell them so they must be good. Half of your firewood for one bottle.” She sounded demanding but I wasn’t fazed, the price seemed reasonable. I tucked the pills into the bottom of my pack and dumped half of the armful of wood on the sand beside her. No more words were exchanged as I turned and walked away, back towards my family. I would have to make sure to keep these hidden.

Kobra would kill me if he found them.
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There is a lot more to this chapter, but I'm not a fan of overly long chapters so I've split it into two and will post the next part in a few days.

Let me know what you think. Comments are appreciated.
Lauzz xo