Darling, I Just Can't Go On

I realized what had happened a second too late and didn't have a chance to stop my shoulder from banging harshly against the cold metal of the lockers that lined the edges of each hallway. Cringing inwardly, I pushed myself off and continued to trek on through the hell hole of my high school.

Getting shoved into lockers was an all too common occurance for those kids who were dubbed as outcasts.

All I wanted at that point was to make it to my choir class without any more bruises than i had already gathered within the first five minutes of being back in the building for my Senior year.

Each push and painful shoulder bump only made me move faster as the rabid teenagers talked about their summers, the boys or girls the slept with, and of course, all the parties they went to and got wasted at.

With a roll of my eyes I managed to get into the classroom doorway, finding relief in the fact that most kids were still in the halls, so the classroom was peaceful and quiet.

"Hello there Andi, how was your summer vacation?" A voice behind me asked making me jump as I was sliding my bag into a small cabniet much like the ones lining the other walls.

"It was good Ms. Kelley, how about yours? Did you have a good time visiting your grandchildren?" I asked polietely as I moved to take my seat.

"Oh it was wonderful. We spent most days out on the beach down in Florida and the rest we played games inside and it was just good to see them again. They just grow so fast, like weeds."

I laughed at her way of putting it as more of the students began to file in. I waved at a few of the girls who I knew and smiled as they babbled on and on about all the things they did.

"I actually got a tan!" A girl named Stormi said with excitement bubbling up in her tone. "It's next to impossible for me to tan and not burn like a crispy french fry."

I just smiled and nodded, subconscously pulling down the sleeves of my jacket to conceal the utter paleness of my arms from not leaving the house for more than a day at a time.

"Alright, alright kids. I know its the first day back, but why don't we kick off the new year with a new song?"

~~

My classes blured together worse than they did the year before, and I was to the point of passing out by the time the day was over. I moved quickly out the front door of the school and down the parking lot to my car. With a sigh I sank down into my car seat after yanking the door open and then closed again.

Pulling my seatbelt over me, I plunged my keys into the ignition bringing the engine and my stereo to life once more. I winced at the volume that I had left the music on, turning the knob to the left to decrease the sounds, before switching to the next CD that I had stocked.

The light guitar riffs and mellow voices helped me to cool down as I pulled out to the left, joining the line of students waiting to get down the hill and away from the place they'd been dreading their return.

Humming along to the music I managed to make it home in more or less a better mood.

With what felt like my billionth sigh that day I walked up the porch steps, unlocking the door, before moving straight up to my room.

I stripped off my skinny jeans with a wince followed by my shirt leaving only the grey undershirt before slowly crawling under the covers of my bed. This time when I sighed, it was one of contentess and peace.

The peace that was ruined a few seconds later as a high pitched scream carried right through her window from the outside.

I groaned, rolling away from the window and pulling my pillow around my ears as my neighbor and his annoying friends toppled out of one of their cars and into the garage. It was back to the band practices everyday after school that I hadn't missed in the least.

During break they were almost always at one of the other houses, but when it came time for school to roll around, the parents always sent their kids right back to the Dawson house.

"Jack, shut the fuck up you fat ass!" A voice yelled trying to calm down the other screaming voice.

I knew my plans of getting any sleep would have to wait until 4:30 when the boys would leave and the Dawson house would quiet down once more.