Darling, I Just Can't Go On

It was a normal Saturday morning, me just walking around the house in shorts and a tank top while dad was working.

I was heading to the kitchen to get myself a small breakfast when I heard the shrill ringing coming from a few feet in front of me, the phone holder being on the kitchen counter.

I shuffled over to pick it up, not taking the time to look at the number on the screen until I had already pressed the green answer button and brought it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I answered, moving towards the fridge as I waited for the reply.

"Andi?" A timid voice came in return.

If it hadn't been for the death grip my fingers had on the phone, it would have slipped right of my hand and been broken to pieces on the floor.

My entire boday felt tense as ever muscle in my body went rigid instantly.

"Andi?" The voice asked again, breaking me out of my short spell.

"Why are you calling us?" I asked bitterly, not being able to hold the anger out of my words.

"Honey-" She started, only to be cut off by me.

"Don't honey me." I snapped, my hand reaching up and run through my long hair on its own accord.

I had lost pretty much all control at that point and went into autopilot as my mind was running haywire.

"Andi please, I just want to talk to you." My mother begged but the words didn't phase me.

"You could have talked a year ago before you left," I said, feeling my entire body start to tremble due to my emotions being in over drive.

The phone slipped from my hands finally as I backed away, the sound of the crashing landing on deaf ears. My feet moved themselves, taking me up to the bathroom before finally sank down into the corner of the bathtub, the cold fiberglass making goosbumps break out across my bare arms and legs.

The trembling worsened as I reached around before finally finding what I wanted. I felt the cold metal against my skin and a sense of relief filled me as it came down against my already scarred skin.

The sting and the burning pain brought me comfort, something that I needed more than ever. The release I got filled my entire being as I watch the blood sliding down my thigh, again and again.

They were deep, that much I could feel as my eyes blurred with tears, and also a small amount of darkness that rimmed my vision.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the creeping feeling of dizzyness, but it didn't seem to do much more than make everything around me spin more.

I brought my knees up to my chest, letting my forehead rest against my kneecaps as I tried to take deep breaths, but they soon turned shallow when I suddenly had trouble as sobs racked through me.

The salty tears slid down my legs, mixing with the blood that had clotted and slowed it's flow.

I don't remember how long I stayed curled up in the corner of the bathtub, but I suddenly shot awake at the sound of the door downstairs opening and closing again, meaning that dad was home and that I had ended up passing out.

Shakily I tried to stand, my hands gripped the sides of the tub as I pushed myself up. My legs wobbled as I leaned back against the wall for more leverage, but I knew I needed to get myself cleaned up, and at least in my own bed.

My vision blurred once more, but this time was not because of tears. I could see white dots popping in my vision as I moved to the sink, almost falling if not for my girp on the smooth counter top.

Getting all of the dried blood off of my leg took most of my energy, and I was surprised when I managed to get it all off and get to my bed before the darkness started to fill my eyes once more.

~~

It wasn't a surprise that Alex had plans to go to a party that same Saturday night. He had been asleep when Andi had gotten the phone call, and by the time he was heading to a house across town she had already passed out, but this time in her bed.

A smile filled his face, but even he could tell that it was fake no matter how happy he wanted himself to be.

Rian had called him earlier to tell him that he had gotten a call from a record label, one who wanted to sign them.They still had to talk it out with their parents, but first they wanted to celebrate.

The house was packed full of sweaty bodies moving in time with one another and the song blasting through the semi working speakers that were placed all around the living room and kitchen.

It wasn't hard to find where the other three where, what with Jack being up on a table and the streak of blonde in his hair standing out just as much as his drunken dancing. Alex should have known that they weren't going to wait for him to get drunk, or at least Jack wasn't going to wait.

By the time he reached Jack, Rian and Zack had come into view. They had a table full of shots, instanly handing one off the Alex when he sat beside them. All at once they threw the bitter shot back, the alcohol stinging as it went down.

With a wince Alex shook his head, but the feeling was one that he had grown to love.