Darling, I Just Can't Go On

As my mind slowly began to clear, the sleep drifting away from me quickly, I could only really comprehend the fact that I felt cold. My body trembled with shivers even under my thick comforter that I was tangled up in like a cacoon.

I tried to get my limbs free, but only ended up getting my legs wrapped in even tighter.

It took a few minutes before I was able to get myself free. I finally took the time to look at my alarm clock, which showed that it was well past midnight.

The weakness I felt was something that had only experienced a few times before, but I knew that I'd have to work through it. I couldn't stay in the house any longer; I had to get out and walk around even if my legs protested with every step I took towards the stairs.

Moving quickly as as quietly as I could, I went out the back door after slipping my shoes on as I went.

I felt sick to my stomach, stiff, and just tired.

I had only walked for a few minutes before it started pouring down, the cold rain feeling like sweet relief against my burning hot skin. My arms wrapped around my torso as I walked, me having left without putting any form of a jacket on. I was still only in a tank top and my shorts, plus the thin pair of Vans on my feet.

My feet carried me away from the house and to a destination that I didn't know. I let myself get carried away from my room, which reaked of blood from the cuts that continued to break open.

It wasn't until I saw a street sign that I realized where I was walking; right to the abandoned park. I wasn't exactly surprised at my choice of places either.

What did surprise me was the figure that sat on the rusty old swings.

I stopped walking, trying to figure out who it could be, and why they would be there at 1 am in the rain. It wasn't until the person pulled their beanie off of their head that I noticed the mass of hair that I knew belonged to Alex.

Why was he even here?

It took me a minute to decide what to do; should I leave or should I stay?

He stood to leave though, noticing me before I had a chance to turn and run.

"Andi?" He called out, but I dared not answer as i turned to walk away, trying to ignore him. "Hey, wait!"

His feet pounded against the ground making a wet, splashing sound as he jogged towards me. I didn't try and stop him when he put a hand on my care shoulder, or when he turned me around to face him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking down at my clothing at the same time. "Shit."

I tried to protest when he started pulling his jacket off, but it was him who ignored me this time as he pushed it down over my frame.

Without even thinking I slipped my arms through the arm holes, the warmth surrounding me, radiating heat into my shivering body.

"Why the fuck are you not wearing a jacket?" Alex asked as he wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me against him, hands moving up and down my arms.

"W-why are you hugging me?" I stuttered as I tried to back out of his embrace, but he held me firmly against him.

"So you don't fucking freeze you idiot," He replied bluntly.

I tried once more to back away from him, but I stepped back too far and a sharp pain shot up from my upper thigh making me wince. The area was burning hot, and I could feel a warm trickle down my leg as the cuts had opened up once more.

I bit at the side of my lip harshly as my eyes squeezed shut.

"Shit, what's wrong? What happened?" Alex asked me, his voice sounding alarmed as he took in my pained expression.

I muttered a few choice words under my breath as he moved me to an old, rotting picnic table positioned in the park. I sat down quickly, folding in on myself, doubled over in pain as I pressed my hand against my right hip trying to stop the flow of blood.

It was seeping through the thin material of the shorts, turning the light colored cloth an ugly shade of redish brown.

Alex only watched on in horror as I clenched my eyes shut, still biting down on my lip to stop the cries of pain.

"Andi, what's going on?" He asked, sounding worried and also terrified at the same time.
The rain was slowing down, turning into a light pitter patter before finally dying out.

I pulled my hand away from hip, the glow of the nearby street light illuminating the blood soaked cloth.

His expression stiffened when he took sight of it. Advancing on me slowly, his hand reached out and pulled down the shorts, me not giving up a fight as his eyes scanned over the scarred and bloody skin.

"Shit..." He swore under his breath, dropping down to his knees as he looked at me.

We were level then, his eyes locked onto mine as realization flashed through the brown orbs followed by a pained look.

I don't know why, but the look in his eyes made me sink down from the bench and onto the soaked ground beside him. I cast my eyes down as I felt the leftover rain water saking into my shorts.

Surprise shot through me when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and hold me against them as tears leaked from my eyes. I broke down, my well built walls crumbing much like my body crumbled against Alex as sobs racked through my body.

All the built up emotion poured out of me like a sudden storm pouring from the black sky.

And I felt relief.