Darling, I Just Can't Go On

I woke up sometime later at an unknown time when I felt a body next to mine begin to shift out of the bed.

A small grumble escaped from my lips as my eyes began to blink open. I found Alex's face close to mine as he crouched down beside the bed.

"Hey I didn't want to wake you," He said quietly with a smile, making me look over at the clock to see what time it was, finding 5:47 glowing back at me. "My mom needs her car back so she can go to work."

"My dad's going to be home soon anyway," I replied, finding me voice gravelly ans rough from sleep.

He nodded to me, giving another smile, before straightening up. As he headed for the door my hand shot out, latching onto his wrist, making him stop and look down at me with worry.

"What is it?" He asked, moving back over to crouch down by the bed once more.

"I- I just wanted to say thank you..." I mumbled as he locked his eyes with mine. "For everything."

"You don't need to thank me," He replied before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my forehead, shocking me. "I'll see you later Andi."

He stood back up and left, the sound of the front door shutting echoing through the silent and empty house.

I rolled over onto my back, wincing as a fresh wave a pain filled my body, mind racing with all kinds of thoughts swarming my head. Thoughts having to do with the caramel haired boy who had just left.

With a sigh I slowly sat up, hand pressed against my hip to minimize the pressure put on it, moving off of the bed and over to the bathroom. Once inside I pushed the waistband of my shorts down until they pooled around my anckles.

Once down, I kicked them to the side before pushing the right side of my underwear down to examine to patch up job Alex had done. I could see that I had bled through part of the bandage, and so I gently unwrapped myself.

Peeling back the bandage made me want to look away from the bloody and torn up skin. My stomach dropped deep inside of me at the very sight of what I had turned myself into.

What I didn't notice was that the door downstairs once more opened, and that my father was coming up the stairs as I used the same cloth that Alex had to clean myself up.

"Hey Andi, what are you-" I heard my dad begin to ask, only for him to stop when I turned to look at him with wide eyes. "Holy shit..."

"Dad,I-" I began to say, only for the words to fall short at the look on his face.

"How long Andi?" He asked me, taking a step closer, stopping me as I tried to cover myself back up with the bandage. "How long have you been doing this to yourself?"

I backed away from him until calfs hit the edge of the tub, almost making me stumble back into it.

His gaze locked onto the inside of the tub at that point, making me look down as well, only to find that it was still covered in smears of blood.

"Dad, I'm sorry," I managed to mumble out as I felt tears begin to prickle behind my eyes. "I never wanted you to find out like this..."

"Like this, or at all?" He asked with a sigh, running a hand through his short brown hair. "Why would you do something like this?"

I shrugged, sitting back on the edge of the tub and dropping my face into my hands, crying for what seemed like the hundreth time that day.

"I'm getting you help," He said finally, his voice firm to show that his mind could not be changed. "I'm calling a therapist."

"Dad, I don't need a-" I started to say with a sniffle only for him to cut me off.

"You obviously need to talk to someone if you do stuff like this to your own body."

I thought about bringing up Alex, and the fact that he's the one that I talk to, the one I'm trying to stop for, but the words caught in my throat. I knew my dad wouldn't accept Alex as a form of help, no matter how much I tried to explain it to him.

"Clean yourself up," He sighed, taking in the look of his broken down daughter, wondering how she got to be where she was. "I'm going to make some calls."

I sighed, running both of my hands through my long hair, as he walked out of the bathroom, leaving me to my own racing thoughts.

I sat there for a few minutes, mulling over what had just happened, before taking in a deep breath and standing up to return to what I had originally been doing.

I pulled the rest of the bandage off, throwing it away in the trashcan by the toilet, before washing off the blood that had bled out since it had been put on. I could tell that most of the cuts had clotted up and wouldn't bleed unless disturbed or broken open again.

I placed another large bandage over the area before smoothing it, wishing that Alex was still here so that he could patch me up again. He had done it so wonderfully before, and my attempt was mediocre compared to his.

Wrapped the gauze around myself again, I left the bathroom, also leaving my shorts on the floor, and went into my room, crawling under the lukewarm covers.

I wrapped the comforter tightly around myself with a sigh, breathing in a scent that was out of place in my room. Taking in another breath, I soon realized that it was the scent Alex had left behind from sitting in bed with me for those few hours I was asleep on him.

I scooted over closer to the right side of the bed, taking the pillow from that side and wrapping my arms around it, taking in more of the comforting and relaxing scent.