Darling, I Just Can't Go On

In the days that followed my first appointment with Dr. Agarwal, I had spent each day after school in Rian's garage as the boys practiced.

I had been avoiding being at home as much as possible, the tense and very awkward dinners with my father being something that I could go the rest of my life without. I knew that he meant well, and that he was trying his best, but it was all too much for me. Being under his watch every second that I was in the house, him always checking in on me when I was in my room.

I knew that he didn't trust me enough to leave me alone.

My hip had begun to heal, the most recent cuts a dark red contrasted against the lighter red and white scars that were scattered thickly across the skin.

~~

I was out in the garage late one Friday evening as the boys began to wind down, a certain grey beanie pulled loosely over the messy bun that I had thrown my hair into when the boys and I had been walking out of school earlier in the day.

Ever since that first Monday that I had stolen it off of Alex's head, it was almost always found on my head much to Alex's enjoyment.

"It suits her better than it did me," He had said with a shurg when one of the guys had questioned the hat's owner.

I sat back and watched as the began to pack up their instruments, legs pulled against me as I leaned my head against the side of the plush chair that I had clamied as mine, another thing I had taken from Alex.

"We should have another movie night," Jack said as he closed the lid of his guitar case.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," I said with a shurg making the skunk haired boy grin over at me, bouncing over until he landed on my lap as his long arms wound around me.

"I knew I liked this one for a reason," He said as he continued to grin like a child.

"I'm down if the are," Alex added before running over and throwing himself ontop of Jack, making the weight on em double as I let out a groan.

"Being able to breathe would be nice," I rasped out as I tried to shove the two boys off of me, the movement make them tumble off of me and onto the floor.

I looked down at the two bodies haphazardly tangeled together, laughing as I took in the sight.

"Are we going over to Alex's or staying here?" Rian questioned as he rolled his eyes at his two friends wreslting on the dirty cement floor. "I need to let my mom know."

"Let's go over to my place," Alex replied as he pinned Jack down.

Once we had all agreed, we made our way to the two cars being driven over. In my car I had

Alex and Jack while Rian had decided to tag along with Zack instead of having to cram into the back next to Jack.

"Why do you always get the front seat," Jack whined up to Alex, who had taken it upon himself once more to be the DJ of my car.

"Because I'm not a fatass like you."

The boys continued to bicker most of the way there, me at one point having to go motherly on them.

I finally pulled into Alex's driveway, soon followed by Zack and Rian, before getting out of the car as Alex and Jac continued to 'fight'.

The five of us piled through the front door, making a dark hair woman look up in surprise at the sudden burst of excitement.

"Hey ma," Alex greeted as he planted a kiss on her cheek as we passed, Baz yapping excitedly from where he had been laying in a small dog bed.

"Don't be too loud, your father is trying to work," She replied with a sigh as she looked back down to the book in her hands, shaking her head as she smiled.

I scooped up the small dog that had been scratching at my anckles, smiling as I scratched behind his ears making his tail wag happly, as I followed the boys down the stairs to the basement.

I instantly moved to the couch that I had occupied the last time we had a movie night, and once more Alex claimed the spot next to me. Rian had stretched himself out over the three person couch in the middle while Jack had claimed the floor, strecthing out his long limbs, leaving Zack on the other love seat.

We were all in the same seats as the last time, and I realized that it must be a normal thing for them to do these movie nights.

"Jack gets to pick because Jack is the closest," the boy said, speaking about himself in the third person as he crawled over to the TV.

It wasn't long after that the Home Alone menu appeared on the screen, making the other boys groan in a smiliar manor to everytime Jack brought up the movie.

Trying to make myself more comfortable I began to shift around, before finally leaning my body into Alex's side, letting the dog settle acorss both of our laps. Alex's arm draped over the back of the couch behind me, subtly touching my shoulders as I leaned in a bit closer.

The movie played its way through, pleasing Jack to no end as he stared intently at the screen, barely saying a word the entire movie.

I started to doze off lightly, my head falling lightly against Alex's shoulder as I repositioned myself to curl into his side. Once comfortable, I fought to keep my eyes open. Glancing up slowly, I found Alex in a smiliar state, head lulled down slightly with his eyes shut.

I finally allowed myself to slip away into sleep, knowing that the other band members in the room were slowly falling asleep as well.