Darling, I Just Can't Go On

My eyelids felt heavy as my mind drifted back to me, my eyes blinking rapidly to rid the sleep from them. Reach up to rub them, I found that my arm was being held down by something, and it wasn't until my eyes cleared that I realized I was still on the couch with Alex.

We had ended up curled together and Baz was no where to be found.

Looking around as much as I could, I found the other boys still passed out, Jack having completely sprawled himself out on the floor with his hand down the front of his skinny jeans.

I smiled to myself as I looked back to the face in front of mine, seeing that Alex too was too far gone for me to be able to wake him up.

With that in mind, I began to turn myself around so that my back found face his torso, only for him to lock his grip on me when I moved over. I looked back over my shoulder as his arms tightened ever so slightly around my middle, holding me against him protectively.

I closed my eyes again, knowing that I wouldn't be moving again until he woke up himself.

But I didn't have to wait very long because soon after his mom came down the set of stairs. I kept my eyes closed though, trying to forge sleep as to avoid direct questioning with Alex still asleep.

As I shifted slightly, he once more attempted to hold me still in his unconscious state, burying his face into the side of my neck gently.

From behind us I heard a cooing sound from his mother, making me want to groan, before trying to awake her son.

"Alex!" She snapped as she hit his shoulder lightly. "Wake up!"

He just murmered something quietly before lightening his grip on me slightly.

"Five more minutes ma," He groaned when she hit his shoulder once again.

I attempted to roll away at that point, and that was the one time that He let me move away, making me fall onto the floor roughly. I let out a small groan before sitting up, rubbing lightly at my eyes as the lights suddenly turned on.

I sat back against the front of the couch lightly as she gave a quick smile before moving on the get the other boys awake.

Rian and Zack were the easiest to awaken, leaving Jack in his deep sleep that nothing could get him away from.

"How he gets up on school days I'll never know," Alex's mom mumbled to herself before heading up the stairs again.

"I didn't even realize we fell asleep," Rian commented as he leaned back slightly making his spine pop loudly.

~~

I sat myself back against one of the couches, watching silently as Rian and Zack left, Zack saying something about having to be home before ten and being able to take Rian home.

Jack had left a few minutes before them, still half asleep as he stumbled away and out the front door to the house as he mumbled something about unicorns.

The three band members leaving meant that Alex and I were alone.

He was shuffling around tiredly, stopping off at a small stereo to turn it on, before coming over to the couch I was on and collapsing down onto it. He rested his head against my thigh as he curled himself lghtly into a ball, his jeans constricting his movement.

"How are you still tired, it's been almost an hour," I laughed, referring to how long it had been since he woke up.

I felt his shoulders shrug in response as he repositioned himself to be wrapped around my leg just a little bit more.

I leaned back into the couch, letting my head lull back as my eyes closed, taking in nothing but the sound of the radio playing lightly.

"-New song by the Goo Goo Dolls-"

I looked over to the radio as the intro began to play, soon followed by a raw sounding voice.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cuz I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

I looked back down to the boy on my lap, running my fingers lightly through his matted up brown hair, him letting out what sounded like a meow.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I twirled a long strand lightly around my finger before Alex shifted again, rolling over so that his face was against the side of my somach.

His brown eyes peaked up at me as I ran all of my fingers through the side of his hair, pushing it back lightly.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

Alex nuzzled his face closer, placing a small kiss over the area where my jeans had ridden down low against my hips. My heart lept out of rhythm at the feeling, my hand stopping half-way through Alex's hair, my palm resting lightly against his cheek.

My eyes travled down to meet his as the music faded from my mind.

"Thank you," I said quietly as his hand came up to rest over mine, his eyes fluttering shut.

He nuzzled my hip again, the tips of his hair dancing lightly over the exposed skin making a small giggle break free. I shifted slightly, hoping to make him move away, only to have his hair run softly across my stomach.

"Stop," I whined as I shoved his face away with the hand that had still been planted against his cheek. "It tickles."

He started to laugh as he moved away from my pressing hand, sitting up and warpping his arms around my middle making me squeak.

"Stop!" I managed to get out through a fit of giggles as his fingertips raced back and forth across my midsection.

I squirmed away from him, laughing loudly even after his fingers had stopped their assault. Leaning against him, I pressed my face into the fabric that laid across his shoulder, giggles breaking free despite me efforts.

"I love it when you laugh," He said as he pulled me closer with a hug. "I mean like really, genuinely laugh."

"I haven't laughed like that in forever," I admitted, my words sounding breathy and rough, as I looked up at him again.

He just smiled down at me, kissing the side of my head lightly as he squeezed me just the tiniest bit tighter.